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July 25, 2005, 8:18 am CDT

What if it doesn't work?????

You ask the question - "What if it doesn't work?"....There are no guarantee's in parenthood unfortunately.  None of these little gaffers are born with instructions and we can only do the best we can do at that moment i time.  I'm a Child Protection worker (Social worker) in Alberta and have fostered over 60 kids along with my  husband and we adopted our son 9 years ago. I have seen some very fortunate childreen who have been lucky enough to be adopted an dothers who have passed from foster  home to foster home and then people begin to question why these kids are so angry when they hit their teens. We also have 2 children each biologically....I defy anyone to figure out by our actions which one is adopted....and while he came with some questions about his prenaatal care and health everything has turned out wonderfully.


I often tell the story of when I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 22 years old.  I was very very sick during the pregnancy and ended up in hospital for the last two months before she was born - in fact they induced her some 6 weeks early as they were not sure if I could last that much longer to deliver her I was that ill.  At the same time I had a friend who sailed through a very "normal" pregnancy...I delivered a very tiny but healthy baby girl who has some minor learning disabilities around reading. but who graduated from College last year.  She delivered a little girl who has an extreme case of cerbral palsy who is not able to do anything really - fed through a G tube, has never sat up or walked on her own etc....My point being that even in giving birth to your own it might not "work out" the way you want it to but I believe a loving, structured environment with parents who are open to reading and learning all they can about everything can work miracles.


Good Luck



July 25, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

I'm so sorry about your son

On May 10, 2005 my 39 year old son comitted suicide. He had been incarcerated for 9 months and was depressed and the jail would not give him his antidepressant drugs or his anxiety drugs. Consequently he began to loose hope and hung himself.

I had spoken to him just 1 hour before the guards found him. I had a strange feeling, but did nothing about it.

I feel very guilty for not notifying the authorities, but my son had often "cried wolf" so many times.

I'm having a very difficult coping with my guilt and most of the loss of my first born.

It would be very simple to start off by saying you shouldn't feel guilty but that would be more unkind than to ignore your story altogether.  Your feelings are very normal and I believe happen with most people who loose someone suddenly - especialy to suicide.  I used to help facilitate a suicide bereavement support group and sometimes people who come forward after 20 years to talk about how they felt - they had been carrying the guilt, sadness and sometimes shame for all those years. I commend you for stepping forward and reaching out.  I have no idea where you live but if there is a loccal Distress Line or Suicide Prevention Line you might want to contact them to see if they are aware of any Bereavement Support Groups for those who have lost someone to Suicide.  I found it truly heartening to watch the transformation of the participants from week to week as they were able to talk about the person they lost and all the feelings around it as well as begin the first tentative steps of healing.  Their are not guidlines for healing but in reaching out you are certainly makinig the first step.  You didn't mention you son's name but I know that he did not intend to leave you feeling the way you do.


Best wishes



St. Albert, Alberta


October 25, 2005, 1:44 pm CDT

The law is the same in Canada - needs to be changed too!!!

I have sat and cried for the past hour watching the show -  I'm so sorry for this family and would like to extend my thoughts and prayers. 


The laws need to be changed - they are the same in Canada as they are in the States - we have a situation in our community where a man was charged with 2nd degree murder of his pregnant wife and was released a few weeks later on 10,000 bail - he wants to spend time with his 3 year old daughter - good grief!!!!!  Hasn't that child been thru enough. 


Yes it is innocent before proven guilty but Dr Phil is right - there should be some onus on the alleged perpetrator to prove he can be back in society before his trial - not just handed a get out of jail card.  The outrage in this community about the husband I mentioned is strong. 


What can we do??? 


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