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July 24, 2005, 7:22 pm CDT

Hi Fiona

Hey everybody,

I've been with my partner since i was 16, i'm now 23 and we share a 20 month old son together.

My future inlaws, although live in the u.s.a and we are currently in Australia, are very controlling. I have never felt comfortable around them and they have always disaproved of me. They are very well off people, and their life revollves around spending money. They fund my 24 year old partners education and because of this they hold it over his head, and he das to do everything they say or they threaten to cut it off and he still has 2.5 years left to go.

On a recent trip to see them i put in 100 percent effort to get along wtih them, and on day 5 they totally cracked up because they felt i was disrespectfull for spending the nights with my father and not them. I am a compromising person and i despretly wanted to get along with them but telling me i'm disrespecful for going to my dads at night because he works all day and only gets home late at night, and i he wanted to see his grandchild, and i wanted to see him. This is not a compromise, it doesn't matter that i spend from 8am to 7pm with them, they always expect more.

They then started to use my partners education against ME!! Saying that i will benefit from his education and that i owe them!

this is all in a nut shell of course, so many things have been said aobut me, and i spend nearly every day crying on this holiday becuase they refuse to just be adults and get along. THen i get stuck in the middle becuase my partners wants us to all get along and he expects me to break my back for them just so everybody will be happy, but i'm not wiling to do that when it invovles me sacrifising time with my dad, whom i only see every few years.

I was only letting them see my son, because only two months ago they decideed to ackowlege him, before that they didn't accept my child, and never spoke about him. NOw they expect me to be greatful that they have decided to play some interest in him.

Gosh i could wrote a novel over all this.

This is all in a nut shell of course, there is soo much more between the lines.

Thanks for letting me get it all out, would love to hear about other inlaw problems.


I  could write the book on controlling inlaws.  I, too, have been dealing with this situation for a long time- about 20 years actually.  It started from when I first met my hubby and went from bad to worse to flat out impossible.


Not to make light of this difficult situation, but your one consolation is that they are not living close to you.  Mine are in the same town and have even stalked my honey and I in the past.  (Long story involving a camping trip, a tent and an unplanned visit on their part!  UGGGGHHH!)  Anyway, I have often wondered if we should just leave town, but then we would be leaving behind all our other family and friends.


But as to these constant threats about cutting off the tuition money, what if they do?  Again, I am not being flip.  Consider what this would mean.  Is there some way you could pull this off without their financial assistance?  Yes, it would mean sacrifices, but what young family isn't struggling to make ends meet in one way or another?  Of course having your little one would make you more cautious in this regard, but you also have to think about your own self-esteem and what your values are.  To me, my own self worth is more valuable than money and I would turn down a whole bunch of it if having the dollars compromised that.  Money can't buy happiness, love or companionship. 


Also, though, and I know this may earn me a lot of angry replies but I still say this, it is a parent's financial obligation to educate their child.  Period.  And I only say this in the case where the parents are able to do so, not if it would mean financial hardship of course, but you say the inlaws are well-heeled money wise.  In this day and age an education isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.  How dare his parents hold this over his head in this manner?  To me that isn't love.  That's trying to hold your grown children emotional hostages while you run their lives, which is totally inappropriate.  Not to mention that they are putting a huge wedge between the two of you.  It's that old "divide and conquer" strategy, I believe.


Let me qualify this though- if your partner was skipping off all his classes, earning D's or majoring in the party lifestyle and just plain bombing out, I would say his folks are justified in threatening to cut him off.  But if he is being responsible and not taking their financial support for granted, then their attitude seems untoward.  Perhaps they are a really enmeshed family and your partner "escaped" to Down Under for just that reason???


About the inlaws lack of acceptance- it is not their place to accept you or not.  Their son CHOSE YOU for his partner.  They either accept that, or they do not have a place in your lives.  Your husband needs to have this understood and should no matter what the consequences.  I am not saying to be right at all costs, but I just feel that as Dr. Phil is always reminding us on his shows, it is a partner's responsibility to make sure that their family treats the partner with respect.  They may not be close friends, but they do have to be civil.  Your hubby can do this in small ways that do not necessarily rock the boat or he can just flat out confront them with it and hope for the best. 


Either way, this will continue to be an issue between the two of you and your child will be dragged into it as well- kids can always sense tension in the household, make no mistake.  I wish my husband had dealt with it at an earlier stage instead of taking the ignoring it approach.  This has now resulted in a total split with the family, with almost no one on his side remaining neutral.  Finally, after a few years, he and the kids are able to visit occasionally with his kin, but the relationship will never be what it was.


So Fiona, really search your heart and make sure you tell your honey all you are feeling.  Both of you have to make a decision about what is best to do and it shouldn't be based on his fear of his controlling parents.  You are grown-ups with your own family unit now and cannot successfully live your lives on someone else's terms.  Sooner or later, the piper must be paid.  It's up to you when.


Good luck.


July 28, 2005, 8:28 pm CDT

Don't Let it Go

Quote From: arwen177

My Mil thinks that it's ok to serve alcohol at my son's 1st birthday party and I don't. When she asked me why I didn't think it was ok, I told her that it was because it was my son's party. She rolled her eyes and scoffed! I was so mad!  My husband and I also planned on serving only hamburgers & hotdogs at the party, and MIL thinks that we need to have pork chops as well! She thinks that the "adults" will want "something else." and that "hjamburgers & hotdogs are fine for the kids" Who does she think she is?? When did it become her party anyways? What I'm wondering is if I should put my foot down on this and tell her that there is not to be any alcohol served and that all we are cooking is hamburgers & hotdogs and thats it or should I just let it go?

I agree with other posters who tell you that it's your party not MIL's.  However, it might be best if you handle it carefully, otherwise your child's Grandma may not even come to the party.  I am not kidding, some of these control freaks will go to any lengths to get their own way.


You don't want to start some major family rift over some food and drinks at a party.  What I would do is just sort of smile and say "That's a good idea," and then do exactly what you want anyway.  If MIL questions you about it the day of, just say "Oh, yea, we were supposed to get some pork chops, weren't we?"  Or you could say that one of your son's friends at the party is Jewish and can't eat pork, so who can really argue with that one??  If she asks about alcohol, just tell her there was a small budget problem or something.  Surely even she can understand that one coming from a young couple like yourselves with a new family?


After you handle things this way on one or two more occasions, MIL may just take the hint and figure out that her so-called "suggestions" are not wanted.


If you wanted to be really cheeky, you could always make the burgers and dogs for everyone else at the party, but to your MIL serve one perfectly grilled pork chop and a glass of wine.  Just do this when she is in the kitchen and no one else notices.  She will get the idea pretty damn quick!  A wicked idea that would have Miss Manners scolding, perhaps, but honestly these folks can be just like so many overgrown kids!  It is infuriating!


Whatever you decide to do, just don't let this difficult woman spoil your memory of your boy's very first birthday.  It is so special.  I know what this is like, because my daughter's baptism day turned into a nightmare from hell because of my Monster In Law and to this day, I can't think about it without being upset.  Nothing is worth that.


Good luck,


July 28, 2005, 8:34 pm CDT

Rat FIL out to the IRS...

Quote From: jb7ctx

I just had to vent. I am so tired of this crap! I dont know why my husband has a hard time standing up to his father about this. He dont mind standing up to me and telling me NO, or even arguing with me. For the last 6 years we have been screwed out of over 10,000.00 because of his dad. This year, over 3,000.00. My husbands own brother told him that he is getting screwed over by his dad and that is why he wont work for him. He moved to another state to get away from them so they cant control his life. I am taking my husband to another tax accountant so that she can explain to him how to do things right and what is going on. That money could have been used to pay off my vehicle, or to send me to the Dr. to get some nerve pills, because they get on my nerves! I am now going to think about what I would say if it were me, (which of course it is) and what my advice would be to me. (kinda funny) LOL! My husband said for me not to worry about the money because he makes enough to take care of all of us. (get real)! I dont know what planet he is on. He knows he is going to have to take care of this situation with his dad or I am leaving him. I am tired of being treated like I am nothing and dont exist. Hell NO, they cant keep our money! I think I am going to admit myself to an insane asylum. They are driving me crazy! I am going to keep my chin up and also I am going to keep my nose up at my mil since she does it to me. Now I am going to give myself some advice. LOL! Wish me luck!

Need I say more?  The man is totally screwing you guys, plain and simple.  If your husband refuses to take matters into his own hands, take them into yours.


Then do yourself a favour and cut contact with them just like the brother did.  With family members like them, who needs enemies?


Good luck,




July 29, 2005, 12:02 pm CDT

That Does Complicate Things...

Quote From: arwen177

 Thanks for the advice. I forgot to mention in my last post that we are having the party at my MIL's house. So eventhough I really don't want the alcohol (she does because she's Portugese, and it's "normal" for them to have alcohol at everything) I almost feel that I have to allow it because it's her house.  True, that does make me angry, because I am just really against the alcohol. If I could change the location of the party now, I would. (his birthday is this sunday the 31) I feel that I should have had the party somewhere else just so that there wouldn't be any alcohol, but too late now. So I guess what I'm getting at is, should I just allow it because it's her house or what?

Well, since it's at MIL's home it will be harder to have control over whether the liquor comes out or not.  Let's just hope that most of those attending have more prudence than to "tie one on" at a child's birthday party.


It kinda puts a different spin on the food issue, too, because if MIL wants extra food and she is willing to supply it, IMHO, let her knock herself out.  If she winds up eating leftovers for two weeks, there is no one else to blame, right?


For future celebrations, why not have it at your home or a neutral location like an indoor playground so you are not subject to MIL's control?  The third party location is the best because you can blame it on not wanting a bunch of kids tearing apart your house or wanting to avoid a huge clean up afterwards and hopefully not offend anyone, MIL included.


You mention that your inlaws are Portugese and this adds another dimension because different cultures have different customs and I'm sure you don't want to offend someone by rejecting that culture.  However, I was once at a wedding where one partner was Armenian and the other was Irish, but only the Armenian culture was represented at the wedding and I felt that was a shame, so I hope MIL recognizes/appreciates what customs/expectations you bring to the table from your own cultural orgins too.


But the bottom line is, this is your child's first birthday and it's coming up on Sunday.  I hope you can make peace with all this that's going on so you can focus on your little one and enjoy this milestone in his life.  Take lots of pictures and if MIL does stuff- even deliberately- to tick you off, try to look the other way and just enjoy the day.  I think that some of these controllers actually get off on causing problems and trying to make others squirm, so don't give her that satisfaction.  Often times members of families who have controlling members like this have long ago learned to shrug off or even ignore their annoying behaviours. 


Next year just make sure you plan for another venue.


Good luck Sunday.  Let us know how it went, okay?





July 29, 2005, 5:24 pm CDT

Please don't be so judgmental...

Quote From: swtldy

Shelby......this man is a user.....he hit you? and you didn't throw him out?

He says he doesn't drink like that any more...he is still drinking?

He is addicted to Vicodin...2 years use ..yes addicted!

He's on disability? Ohhh what a gravy train ride he has in you.


There are others out there that are more worthy of you....get him out on his own and see how he does before marrying this guy.

I have been on disability for 8 years now for very good reasons, and at one time I was dependent on Oxycontin before I had a total hip replacement and the pain became more manageable.


You don't know Shelby's fiance and I just don't think it's fair to assume he's some drug addict who is faking his disability and riding the gravy train.  He DID say he had back surgery recently and was on recovery leave awaiting retraining.  He also talked about his disappointment with the situation.  Shelby doesn't strike me as anyone's fool, either.  She is plainly a woman with her eyes wide open, having been through one traumatic divorce already.  She is not about to get taken advantage of again.  Also, she told Dr. Phil what a great father her fiance is and he was adamant about how much he loves "our children."  Any man who adopts another man's kids is alright in my books.


The area on which you and I definitely see eye-to-eye is the physical abuse.  If it resulted from drinking, this guy needs to attend regular AA meetings and get anger management counselling or Shelby should absolutely reconsider staying with him. 


I hope that Dr. Phil follows up with this couple and I look forward to seeing how things play out.

Best wishes to them,







August 3, 2005, 9:30 am CDT

Yes, you deserve a pat on the back!

Quote From: arwen177

Well the party went ok. My MIL did delibertly try to make me angry, but I just ignored her. I had a talk with my husband in the morning after I fed our son breakfast. You see, my MIL had gotten up early to "clean" (thats what she said the night before) but she ended up cooking some chicken, pork chops, and corn on the cob, as well as some salads. (I'd like to know where that all came from, as far as I knew she was only going to have the pork chops) So as you can see, she started first thing in the morning. So I was a little annoyed, and when my husband and I were alone, I said to him "I want the hamburgers & hotdogs, so can you either say something to your mom, or make sure they get cooked." and he was like "honey, don't worry, I'm going to cook them. Just try to relax and enjoy the party" So I stopped worrying about it because I knew he'd do what he said. So they were cooked and people ate them. But of course after that MIL decides to bring out what she had made (not even half-an-hour later) and people nibbled on it, but I think it was only because they felt that they had to. But she made a comment, she actually said "Now I'm going to bring out the real food" I just about lost it at that point because I know that was a direct attack at me. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, so I just let it go. But then she kept saying it, whenever I was within earshot, which was about 4 or 5 times. (that I counted) I mean, can you believe that?? She even said "I told Danny (my husband) not to cook those." (meaning the hamburgers and hotdogs), but thankfully he said something to her when he heard that. My mom also said to her that it was what my husband & I wanted because it was our son's party. Then after a bit, we decided to have the cake and presents. The cake thing went fine. My son got it all over his face and hands, it was really cute. But the presents, well that's another story. Things were ok for a bit, but then my son started fussing because he was tired and a little hungry, and my husband and I were opening the presents for him, because well you know how 1 year olds are...they get distracted easily. So anyways MIL takes my son into the kitchen (we opened the gifts inside) and gives him a bannana. I didn't mind the fact that she gave him something to eat, but why did she have to take him into the kitchen when we were opening his gifts?? So anyways, besides all that, things went well. My husband, mom, sister, and myself didn't eat any of the "real food" as my MIL called it. I guess we were kind of protesting it in a way, but oh well. I don't know if she has any leftovers, and frankly I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, it's her problem. I said to my husband that I'm not going through this next year, so even if I have to have the party somewhere else, I will because I'm not letting my MIL "take over" again. Do you think I handled things well?

Good for you!  I think you handled things remarkably well.  But do learn your lesson and boycott MIL's house as a future venue for any of your events.  The woman truly is controlling, manipulative, petty and bullying.  It's almost as though her main goal was to tick you off- what a very strange objective at her grandson's birthday party!!  But her type just "have to" be in control.  And it is always done under the guise of being helpful.  Actually, the one good thing here is that your MIL is so blatant about it that I don't think anyone is buying her act.  She blurts out "Here's the real food," and Miss Manners would be rolling her eyes at that point, and I think probably most other guests at the party were too.


My MIL would be much more sneaky and wait until everyone else was out of earshot then make her rude comments to me alone, and when I would tell my husband what was said I don't think he ever really believed me.  It took five or six other people calling him up after our daughter's baptism and complaining about his mother's rude comments- she was vexed that I had it at our place and catered the whole thing- for him to finally understand what had been happening to me behind the scenes for years.  So thank goodness she finally showed her true colours.


By the way, my parents were very old-school British and I was always taught that even if you were served a dish you HATED at someone else's home, you had to eat it and be gracious.  That is proper manners.  Guess MIL missed that day in Good Manners 101. (LOL)


About opening gifts, one idea I learned from a friend of mine is to not open them at the party.  I was told that this encourages materialism.  Plus as the kids get older it gets longer and longer and really quite boring for the other guests.  What I like to do now is open the gifts after the party and perhaps even set aside a few items for a rainy day because at times they get so many new things they are quite overwhelmed.  Of course if anyone really wants their gift opened at the party, you can accommodate them.


Overall though, I think you did really well and your husband is clearly supportive of you and that is just great.  I think also that with careful planning next year you can make things even more stress free and find ways to not let this woman get to you.  It is really sad that it has to come down to this with your husband's mother, but what can you do?  I sometimes think they look at it as the old "divide and conquer" theory and naturally you'd never want to get caught between your husband and his mother, that is far more trouble than you'd ever want to deal with, trust me.





August 28, 2005, 7:25 pm CDT

You could almost be describing my MIL

Quote From: despwife15

My MIL was great before my husband and I got married and had a baby. She acts like she is the mother of my baby, not the grandmother. From the timewas daughter was born she insisted on me leaving the baby at her house. When she would come to see the baby she will carry her into another room to be alone with her. She wants to be in control of everything that has to do with my daughter. She wants her to be raised the way she wants. She will teach her to do things (like drink out of a real cup instead of a sippy cup) behind our back and then lie to us about it. She has even told me that my daughter won't crawl, she'll walk, and she won't use a sippy cup, she'll use a real cup. She doesn't say things like that or act controlling and pushy in front of my husband. Her lies worry me. She lies not only about things regarding our daughter but also about other things. She will lie to get my husband to do things for her that she just doesn't want to do. She also made made up a lie about the dentist saying and doing inappropriate things to her 10 year old daughter (my husbands half sister). I think she just wants attention from my husband. When my husband tried to talk to her about the issues we have with her she told him that she doesn't come over much anymore because she gets a bad vibe from me. I am very nice to her and act friendly. I have made the decision not to leave my daughter with her anymore. She can come visit and we will go visit her but I will not leave her there. I can't trust her to respect me as my daughter's mother. It has taken time for my husband to see her for who she is (somewhat). I don't get why she lies to us. She is 50 years old, it is very odd to me that she would act the way she does. She will hardly talk to me anymore or look at me. I have done nothing to her for her not to like me. I think she is just angry that I don't let her have her way with my daughter. My husband and I don't know how to fix this and have a relationship with her again. They used to be very close and don't talk much anymore.

One thing you need to pay very close attention to is your gut or motherly instincts.  When we have them, I think the tendency can be to brush them off or feel we are being unreasonable.  But when we have this sort of gut reaction to someone, it should NEVER be ignored. 


Listen to any Police or FBI officer talk about working a homicide case, for example.  They will tell you how many cases have been solved by someone's gut feeling that was investigated further. 


My point is that your gut is trying to tell you something and you need to listen. 


This woman, your MIL, is unquestionably controlling.  She is without a doubt being deceptive and two-faced.  I experienced these same sorts of behaviours.  It is nothing that reads as psychotic but nevertheless causes one to feel uncomfortable.  My MIL was a master of only saying the really awful things when no one else was around.  She did this for over 15 years, to be exact.  Then, finally, she was bitter and jealous at my baby's baptism party and shot off her mouth a little too much and too loudly.  So many people called and complained to my husband that he finally had to believe what I had been telling him all along.  His belief in me came too little and too late, but that is besides the point. 


I was right about the woman all along.  My instincts were right.  Now in your case, you have additional information about your MIL which suggests there may be even more grounds for you to worry- she was molested as a child.  Abuse can tend to carry on from one generation to the next.  But even sometimes it can be a matter of your own beliefs or boundaries. 


For example, a friend of mine thought it was really funny one time to play with my three month old son's penis when he had his diaper off.  She was calling it his "cute little tinker" and just giggling away like it was all perfectly commonplace.  My other friend and I said "Keep your hands off, thanks."  But our friend just laughed it off as if it was perfectly normal and told us both to lighten up.  Needless to say, I didn't let her change any more diapers for my son. 


But anyway, the bottom line here is that you are the mother.  She had her chance to raise her own kids and since they were babies, the world has changed so much.  That's not to say that other generations can't offer some invaluable advice, but stepping in and trying to take over and steamroller you against your wishes--well, that's just something else again. 


Remind your husband of the old "divide and conquer" theory, because I really believe that in large part, this could be what your MIL is up to.  As for hubby going over there late at night to do stuff, unless it is an emergency, this is taking away from your own family time.  He will have to take a stand and say no a few times until she gets it.  Of course there is nothing wrong with him helping out his family but his mother quite clearly has more of an agenda here and he  needs to see all this for what it is.   


Good luck with it and stay strong, 







September 27, 2005, 7:14 pm CDT

Something for Grandparents to think about...

I have read a few messages on this board from grandparents who feel they are wrongly being kept from seeing their grandchildren.  I agree that this situation is tragic and that children do need their grandparents.  However, what I don't agree with is all the head scratching that's going on:  the seeming total lack of understanding as to why this has happened.  The fault is just never 100% on one side. 


I know because I have been in this situation for years.  I am not a grandmother but a mother dealing with inlaws who never liked or accepted me into their family from the getgo.  I dutifully put up with the snubs, the lack of support and the snide remarks for 13 years, then one day things just went too far.  I drew my line in the sand and I have never looked back.  No one with self esteem can allow others to treat them like a doormat forever.  So my relationship with my inlaws ended and sadly, for almost three years, so did my kids relationship with them.   


So for the grandparents who have been cut off from seeing their grandchildren, maybe ask yourselves this question:  what's more important:  your pride (ie:  being "right") or seeing your grandchildren?  Be accountable for what you do and acknowledge the TRUE role you yourself might have played in this situation.  Then just stop carping about how unjust it all is and for the sake of those wonderful kids, mend fences.  Just do it.  After all, you're an adult, right?  You may never be best friends with some family members, but you can be polite and civil for the sake of the kids. 


I know this will be unpopular with some of you but that's the way I see it. 




January 20, 2006, 2:20 pm CST

I think you made some good points here...

Quote From: ycda51206

First of all you don't really know how mature she is.  I am in a similar situation and although he situation is more severe than mine I would never leave my boyfirend for anything else in this world.  He and I have ben through alot together. He has ben in and out of court and jail, but not because of himself but because he has an older brother who uses his name when he gets in trouble.  My boyfriend has been in jail 4 times since I have been with him and all 4 times have been because of other people or for something he was innocent of.  The last time he was in jail was when a 24 year old woman accused him of raping her becuase he wouoldn't help her buy some marijuana.  He sat in jail for 2 months without bond for something he was innocent of.  As for not being able to change someone, it IS possible, believe me I know.  For the past year I have helped my man chang his life.  He also has a child from another girlfriend, but she wouldn't allow him to see her until I helped him change his life around. With the help I gave him he has gotten a job, been able to pay child support without settling it in court, and hasn't ben in jail since the last time he was wrongfully accused of comitting a crime.   


Granted not all people are the same, but it is possible to help people to change themselves.  You can give someone who hasn't made the right descions in the past a second chance, if you are careful and watch for the waringing signs then you should have nothing to worry about.  I know you are probably wondering what my parents think of all that I have done for my boyfriend.  Well, my father is against it, but he cannot say much.  He married a woman who is 11 years younger than he is, she is young enough to be my sister.  As for my mother, she loves my boyfriend!  She knows that he has been in and out of trouble, in fact she has helped me get him out of jail when he was locked up for something someone else did.   


All I have to say is if she is going to do it any way let her make the mistake, if she doesn't want to listen let her live her life.   

I feel really frustrated with the mother calling Alysia's boyfriend a pedophile.  Look, a 17 year old can consent to sexual relations, can she not?  Go back a century and many 17 year olds already had growing families, so let's not tar all 17 year olds with the same brush and decide that anyone who has consensual relations with one is a pedophile. 


Look at the statistics out there:  kids are getting sexually active at 14-15 years old.  Not saying that's the best thing but it is a reality.  What this mother is doing, her attitude and the way she is treating her daughter like she's brainless and incapable of making any decisions on her own is bound to push her into her boyfriend's arms even more. 


I am even a bit disappointed at the way Dr. Phil has been treating Alysia- in my opinion he has really talked down to her.  Watching the show at times I could see an expression of dismay on her face.  This just isn't going to get through to her if her intelligence is being insulted.  On the one hand Dr. Phil contends she is an "intelligent person" and in the next breath he is showing her an overhead laundry list of all her boyfriends faults not in objective terms but actually phrased in quite an insulting way in my opinion.  Look, I may agree that this girl may not completely understand a mature kind of loving as people in commited relationships do, however, to her she feels that she is in love and minimizing or belittling her feelings is just not going to help.  It will only alienate her more. 


I usually really appreciate Dr. Phil's advice and everything about him but today I just feel his advice or treatment of this girl Alysia has been off. 



January 20, 2006, 2:26 pm CST

You are lucky that you at least realize what's going on...

Quote From: blanche12


I am sixteen and like Brittany I am caught up in the middle of my parent's marital problems. I can truly relate to her. I hate the fact that I am the source that my parents always go to when they need to let off some steam. My parents speak to me like I am their own personal, home pychologist available 24/7. I have enough to worry about. I'm trying to get a job, a driver's licence and into a elite singing group at my school. Plus I have to keep up my grades (3.6 GPA) so that I can get a good scholarship to get into a great college. I comletely understand everything Brittany stated on the show. I really respect Brittany and I hope she knows she is not alone. I wish her lots of luck with her singing career.  

This is a terrible position to be in, I should know because I was there too.  You are absolutely right that your parents should not be subjecting you to this.  Not only does it make you feel you are being asked to pick sides- an impossible position to be in between two people you love so much- but you are probably being subjected to adult issues that you really should not be exposed to at this point.   


Please don't let this make you jaded, though.  There are marriages where the kids do not get put in the middle.  This experience you have had, albeit terrible while you are living it, will make you a stronger person in the end.  Actually it sounds as though you already are a strong girl. 


Hope you are blessed with every success and most importantly, happiness in your future. 





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