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July 25, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

TO: Hurt Bad

Quote From: hurtbad

I also wanted to say or ask, how can he expect me to live the rest of our lives without any intimacy? Is it fair? i honestly don't know if I could live for another 30 or 40yrs like I am. By the way I am 46yrs old/young. It might sound stupid butI feel I need affection, I would like to have sex with my husband, I would like him to want me. It hurts so much when I think that he doesn't want me but he wanted the other women.My mind is turning somersaults trying to decide what to do. I have always loved him but I am at the stage now that I don't like him very much. It would be really hard for me starting over again. I don't work and I don't know what to do.

Just to say you are not alone in dealing with a husband that wonders.  I just experienced not the exactly the same thing but similar.  I told my husband that I was giving him the freedom that he wanted.  He replied by saying that's not what I want. I said that's not what your actions are telling me.  Believe me this was the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life and it has been difficult to sustain as I still love him and have three children at home.  Before he moved out (2wks ago) I gave hime a choice; If you want to have this marriage then you must be 100% committed to me and our family, nothing less is acceptable.  I gave him Dr Phil's book Life Stategies to help him identify his shortcomings and hopefully gain insight into his stupid actions. It has been very difficult for himself as well as he has trouble understanding himself, but I do believe this is the first time he has ever been challenged to be a better person and not settle for less.  To go any further into detail would take forever to understand the whole picture, but I completely understand how you must be feeling.  To feel rejected by someone you gave your heart to is difficult to bear and understand.  I suggest that read Dr Phil's Life stategies to help you identify want you want in your life.  Start focusing on your desires and needs, make decisions to preserve yourself.  You must decide what you are willing to live with or not willing to live with not anyone else.  Information and knowledge is the best type of power.  I am 40years old/young and find this scary but I will not live my life anymore in pain and fear!  You can not change him, he has to want to change himself!!!!



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