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Messages By: carlajean6

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January 27, 2008, 6:11 pm CST

Changes With Massive Weight Loss

I'm a 42 year old divorced woman who has one adult son.  I began my journey in losing over 170 pounds in the past 16 months.  I've gone from a woman who had to buy all my clothes from the internet and online clothing stores because even Lane Bryant's sizes were much too small for me, to a woman who is now buying clothes in the Misses department at Kohl's, Belk's and "normal" department stores.  It's been an amazing transformation. 


I've gone from being a morbidly obese woman who has heard all my life "what a pretty face I have", to being a woman who actually manages to turn a few heads.  I've lost weight by sheer will, changing my life-style when it comes to food and how I view it, and exercising.  I now view food as a source of fuel to survive, as opposed to a source of comfort or the center of entertainment.  Exercising is not my  favorite thing, but once I put my little Reeboks on, my workout clothes, and hit the ground doing nothing less than 2 miles a day it's a GREAT feeling.  Less than two years ago I had to ask a stranger to go get my car in a hospital parking lot because I was unable to walk that far.  My back was so bad from carrying around all that weight.  Now I'm actually jogging and no more back problems. 


Are there issues with hanging skin?  Absolutely!!!!! I had beautiful "basketball legs" when I was younger.  Now the shape is back, but the skin on my upper inner thighs resembles that of an elephant.  My tummy is the same way.  I look in the mirror and am realistic about my progress.  But I'm scared and saddened by the hanging skin.  If I ever get serious with a man again will I be able to let him see me with no clothes on?  I don't know.  The thought is more than horrifying. 


I'm 5'9" and because I am reasonably attractive I do draw a little attention from time to time.  But I can't let anyone get close enough because of my skin.  But there is more to it than that.  There is a huge psychological change that comes with this big change.  I was used to being the wall flower socially when I was heavier.  Now, at 42, I don't know how to handle social settings as well as most people.  I'm certainly not at ease with ever being the center of attention. 


I don't have any answers.  But perhaps someday I'll be able to afford to have the outside fixed, while I continue working on the real part of me that matters, that's on the inside. 



Little Rock, AR


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