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Messages By: djthunder

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November 30, 2008, 4:39 pm CST

I hear you Liz

Quote From: tnblueeyes8

November 29, 2008


Dear Dr Phil,


This has been a very rough year for me and my husband.  I was laid off April of 2008 and after doing accounting for 25 plus years, I am having a difficult time finding another position in that field.  The economy here in Nashville is just as slow as the rest of the nation.  I have signed up with just about every employment agency in town plus I check all them major internet job websites daily trying to find another accounting position.


My wonderful Mom (87 years young) went into the hospital on Easter Sunday with stomach pains and had to have several inches of her intestine removed a couple of days later after the doctors found out that her intestine had become twisted.  While she was in the hospital she contracted a very bad infection called C-diff.  If you look C-diff up on any medical website you will see that it is often a fatal infection that elderly people get while in the hospital after having abdominal surgery.  There were several occasions when her doctor told us that she wouldn't last more than a few more days.  She wasn't eating much and continued to get weaker and weaker.


It took about two months for the antibiotics to get the C-diff under control enough so that she could be transferred to a long term care facility for rehab.  We were hoping the rehab would help her get strong enough to return home.  She hated being in the hospital and has told us over and over durng the years that she did not want to end up in a nursing home.


She never got strong enough to return home and around 3:00am on September 30th, she went home to be with Jesus.  I am one of eight children and we are still having a hard time realizing that she is no longer with us.  With the holidays coming up I'm sure it will be harder.  As I write this, tomorrow would have been her 88th birthday and it also makes two months since she passed.  Our father passed away in August of 1993 and one of my older sisters passed way in November of 1993.


When I was first laid off, my husband was supportive of my job searching.  I know he blames me for our lack of money and over the past few months he keeps making comments that really hurt my feelings and throws it up that we didn't get to take a vacation and we won't have much of a Christmas because we are always broke.  Up until recently our bills have all been paid and have all been paid on time.  I am drawing unemployment and I do a little accounting on the side at home.  I delivered phone books back in the hot part of the summer in order to bring in some extra money and have worked temporary assignments when they have been offered to me by an agency.


We used to go out to eat at a nice, not extravagant, restaurant every weekend (my husband's wishes).  We have cut that out and never go out to eat anymore anywhere unless it is to McDonald's or Burger King and that is very rare.


My husband has taken a second job with a security company but they only handle special events and concerts so his schedule is different every week and he doesn't have a guaranteed amount of hours.  I have put in applications at Target, Kroger, Macy's, Kohl's and even the UPS in hopes of finding ANY type of job just to be bringing in some money.  I worked for H & R Block several years ago and am hoping to work for them again or find another tax firm to work for but that is still a couple of months away.


In the meantime, the stress here at home is getting worse and worse.  I have had migraine headaches since childhood and the stress at home is making them more and more frequent.  When they are under control (if you can ever control them) I might have one or two a month.  But lately I have been having three or four a week.  I take Imitrex shots when I have a bad migraine but the insurance will only cover one refill per month and a refill only has two shots.  I have even stopped getting some of my prescriptions refilled because we are so tight on money. 


Also this year, I had to have surgery for torn retinas in both eyes.  Otherwise I could have started losing my sight.  We have a $1,000.00 dedutible to pay and then 20% of everything else that the insurance won't cover.  Since the doctor couldn't do both eyes at the same time, we have to pay for 2 outpatient surgeries at the hospital plus 2 surgery bills to the eye specialist.  Each day at the hospital was almost $2,000.00 and I was there less than half a day.  I haven't seen a bill from the doctor yet so I don't know how much of that will be our responsibility.


My husband's van had to be worked on twice recently for a total of over $1,000.00 which just adds to our problem.


I am so depressed I don't know what to do.  Sometimes I don't know why I should keep trying.  I don't believe in suicide but sometimes I just feel like giving up.  My husband does not want to go to counseling but I have been receiving free counseling with Alive Hospice since my Mom was under their care for a while before she passed.  It has helped some, but I think a marriage counselor would help more if I could get him to go with me.


Would you possibly have any connections in the Nashville area to help me get a job?  Or could you just give me some suggestions as to what to do about our situation?  My husband acts like we are the only ones in America that are going though this even though the economic problems are on the news every day.  I would appreciate any help you could offer us.





I really hope you get this.  First let me send you my condolences.  I  also lost my mother, it was 9 years and 4 months ago, she was 56.


Now let me get to the point.  I have been in the financial/real estate industry for over 23 years.  I have been self employed for 20 years, and  I have never seen anything like this before.  I can't collect unemployment because I am self employed.  I don't even make close to what I used to 4 years ago. We are in such debt and  we can't pay it back. This has never happen to us before.  I always on paid our debts on time, now I can't even buy food some days.  I am married also.  My husband, every so often complains to me that we can't do what we used to.  We have exhausted all of our life savings.  My husband is going to be 54 this coming year.  With the job he holds he could have retired in 2010.   Now he can't. 


 I also need to find another job, but I can't.  I have search and search.  I am a paralegal, but no matter how much education you have, you can't make up a job that is not there.  I would take any job, as a matter of fact I did this past year, I worked for a company soliciting in a food store.  While at that temporary position I fell sick with a kidney problem.  Which has changed my life on a health level. I also have a degree in art, can't find a job there either.  Acting, I have done in the past as well, can't land anything there either.  Like I said you can't make up something that just isn't there.  So now we move on.


We have tried to sell our house, and believe it or not move to the Nashville area.  We live in upstate New York.  But there are no buyers.  And I can't afford to give my house away.  We are not in foreclosure, yet. Our property taxes are unbelievable, food costs are unbelievable.  There is one good thing I can say though, the fuel prices have gone from over $4.00gal to just about $2.20gal now. 


I believe that life is too short, to worry about things that we have no control over.  Such as the financial crisis.  We are just the little people, and all we can do is tell others about what we are experiencing.  The great depression happened once,  it will never happen again, at least not like it did in the 30's.  We have too much technology today.  We have many institutions in place to help people in need.  Thats not to say that we don't have people in our country suffering from poverty, we do.  As a child I did.  And look at me now, I made it and I will again, and so will you and your husband.  Together you work as a team, apart you fail. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that with faith and togetherness you succeed. 


In conclusion, I must say that depression is a huge part of losing a loved one compounded by illness and financial insecurity.  You just have to keep your head up high and tell yourself that things are not always going to be this way.  In a year from now you will see a big difference.  Just have faith and don't give up.


I believe that we are not alone.  There are many out there.  Each with their own story.


Take care, and I truly hope this has helped you and anyone else in this position.  Remember your not alone.




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