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Messages By: smileylynn

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August 9, 2005, 8:55 pm CDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: elisza

Dear Dr. Phil,



You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.



I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)



Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.



Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher



I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?



I guess that’s another issue!



Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.



My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!



My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!



Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:



1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage


2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children


3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!



With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!



dear Dr. Phil. I agree you are say family first are we not family just because we are grandparents. I have 2 granddaughters 13 & 15 and they want to come to our home to visit but my daughter is using ever excuse in the world just to hurt us. Do you think it is right to use children as ponds to get back at someone, it is not only the spouses that do this it is many more adult children doing this to their parents. we have no rights like the spouses do. So please do a show on this issue and help all grandparents and grandchildren we are hurting so very bad(you have no idea) how would you feel if you had grandchildren and you could not see them. we are loving and caring people that deserve and chance to tell are part in this mess that these adult children have cause for us. even if it does not change anything we would at least be able to tell the world. I love you and robin and respect all of your advice so please  again do a show on this issue. I know that many many grandparents have written to you, I just don't understand why you are looking the other way on this subject.          Thank you in advance lynn dennet and hugs and prays to you and yours
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September 14, 2005, 4:45 pm CDT

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: arocooper

 Hi, i'm not a Grandparent, but i am raising two kids that are my sisters two oldest kids, and it's not easy at all, i have six of my own, and money is always a problem, but the love and they way I can see them growing and becoming more and more trusting of  my family and I is worth it all. I can go on forever, at one time i had all four of the kids, but that was way to much, and everyday i think about it i'm hurt because i wish i could have kept all of them togather.

Hi! We to are not allowed to see are granddaughter's 13 & 15 I miss them so very much. we were lucky we had them in our lifes for the first 13 yr's so I guess we should  feel lucky. I was wondering how I would get to your web site cangrands would love to join Thank you in advance Lynn Dennett 

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February 28, 2006, 5:13 pm CST

I do hope that Dr. Phil or one of his staff reads this!!

I for one think  the only people hurt here are the children. they  suffer when these so called adults act out like this. I'm a great fan of Dr. Phil and have heard him say many many times that these little ones do not have a voice. my very own daughter is not letting us see our grandchildren 13 & 16 of age. and many many people have told me to take them to court for visitation rights. I will never do that because it will only hurt my granddaughters. we were very close and had them in our liefs until my daughter did not need a babysitter anymore.My daughter does just enough so that she will not look bad. I for one said and did things that I should have not because this hurt my granddaughters. So I have stepped back and waiting tell they become of age and they can do what they want. Dr. Phil I hate to correct you but there are 3 sides to a story your side their side and then there is the Truth Thank you Lynn



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