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Messages By: klschindler

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October 2, 2006, 5:56 pm CDT

20 Years of Marriage

Quote From: cysmitty

Dear Dr. Phil and Robin,

  What is a woman to do when she is a full-time college student, full-time stay at home mom, married for almost 20 years...and no longer "IN LOVE" with her husband?? There is no doubt that I have love for my husband...but I am not "IN LOVE" with him anymore. I feel like the only thing we have in common is our children. We rarely touch, let alone indulge in any type of affectionate behavior. At almost 40...what should I do?  I feel so much guilt when I think of myself...but I surely don't want to spend my life lonely, in a house full of people! When is it ok to think about "me"...and make a life decision that will make "me" happy?  I would be so grateful for any advice you can give me!

Love the show...never miss it!

Thanks for your time,


I felt similar to you not very long ago.  I have 3 children, married almost 20 year and turned 40 this year.  And I felt like I wasn't sure if I was "In Love" anymore either.  I think after 20 years we start to take advantage of each other and expect too much from each other.  We start the name calling etc because we are tired and need sleep......I solved some of my problems with having Friday night as our date night.  We go somewhere local for dinner....nothing fancy or expensive.  Have a family member babysit and just sit somewhere and talk.  Maybe think back about what life used to be like before kids and what made you happy way back and try doing those things again.  Believe it or not, it works and it worked for me.  But I can tell you from my experience it takes lots of work and not just one date.  It gives you something to look forward to each week and then you start having more sex and respecting each other more and more over time.  I actually started dressing nicer, caring about my hair makeup etc.....GOOD LUCK!!

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