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Messages By: sader1

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September 29, 2006, 10:56 am CDT

dont mind being black sheep

i'm 48 yrs. old. have 2 older brothers.  my sig.other passed away 5 yrs, ago, this coming oct. 6th.
 i am now living with his mom and his younger brother.
 they are more like "real" family than my own.
i've been "addicted?" to pain pills (or any pills that will give you a "buzz") off and on since i was 15 yrs. old. more on than off.
i've stolen pills just to get a buzz. i feel guilty about doing it, but it's like i cant stop.
been thru treatment before, actually just got out of treatment about a month ago, but went straight from there to psych floor of hopsital because of something i said in group therapy.
my life is really kinda screwed up. i dont believe i can ever stop taking pills totally, although i have tried to cut down.
 am on prozac and buspar, and elavil at bedtime if needed for sleep.
i dont know what to do. i met a guy online, who lives in canada. we've been talking for about 3 yrs. but just got "more serious" a few months ago. he has offered me a place to live with him. i really do like him, and i trust him. i'm just scared about leaving my family and friends (and yes, even the pets).  i dont know what to do.


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