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Messages By: pprincess

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March 6, 2006, 3:33 am CST

Control Freak Rellos

Some of my rellos are control freaks. I have learned to distance myself  from my mother and two of my sisters as they nitpick over trivial issues. They rouse on me for suffering from Clinical Depression, rouse on me for taking anti-depressants, then rouse on me for talking to other people about it. 


One aunty was always interferring in financial matter-telling me I should be paying off one of Mum's debts. To cut a long story short, she demands an apology for making her look bad because of her interferance. [It was none of her darned business anyway.] I sent  a reply saying no apology was forthcoming and if she wanted to remove herself from my life, it was her choice and her loss. 


I also insisted upon being treated with respect, dignity and as an equal-despite suffering from Asperger's Syndrome. 


Mum tells other rellos I don't like her. Well, she doesn't like me as she always assumed the worst about me. She dishes out emotional blackmail with a shovel so I told her the emotional and verbal abuse must stop. She said I can't dictate like that. [I'm not dictating. That's what Hitler and Stalin did!] 


She tells one aunt she is reaching out which is a load of baloney. She rarely phones and she doesn't visit me when she is in Sydney. However, this particular aunty thinks I'm making it all up as Mum "is such a nice person". 


Am I doing OK so far by standing up for myself? 

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April 28, 2006, 3:41 am CDT

Asperger's Syndrome & Depression

I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression when I was in my 20s, then with Aspeger's Syndrome when I was in my late 30s. 


My mother and two sisters, K and B, are verbally and emotionally abusive, especially after I was hospitalised for Major Depression about ten years ago. They roused on me for having Depression, they rouse on me for taking anti-depressants, then they roused on me for talking to other people about suffering from Depression. One sister went so far, when I told her I was suicidal at the time, to accuse me of "bunging it on" [faking it] just to get attention. [My psychiatrist at the time strongly disagreed with my sister's comments and described her as a bully.] 


My sister B's idea of support was visiting me in hospital at the time and telling me to snap out of it. 


Recently I told Mum her behaviour is unacceptable and it must stop. She told me I can't dictate to people like that. 


Then she tells my aunts she doesn't know how to relate to me and trying to reach out. When I try to explain to my aunts Mum is verbally and emotionally abusive, they refuse to believe it. I think Mum plays people off against each other. 


Years ago, Mum was criticising me for my behaviour. So I asked her to mention my good points. She then said, "Any good points you may have are cancelled out by all the bad ones you have." I did not go home for three years. 


Then she says to S [my youngest sister with whom I do get on well with], "I don't know what I've done to upset her." What a load of crap! 


S didn't believe it at the time, but now she is starting to wise up and says Mum drives her up the wall at times with her archaic rules. 


Mum is the local equivalent of Mrs Bucket (or Bouquet) from "Keeping Up Appearances"! 


My sister K accused me of running to the doctor all the time asking them to prescribe pills to pop like lollies [candy or sweets]. I asked her where's the evidence, so she hung up on me. She later claimed I made her angry as I had told her anti-depressants were part of my life in helping me feel better and rebalance any chemical imbalances. She thinks taking "happy pills" is a cop out. 


Dad just tells me not to get so uptight about it. 


My parents sent me to boarding school to "become a lady", as Mum later told me. It was hell, especially as no one knew about Asperger's Syndrome back then. My sisters K and B complain I embarrassed them, but, hey, I wasn't the one who was expelled for shoplifting at K-Mart. 


I grew up with double standards, and I could NOT do a thing right. I had my first nervous breakdown, aged 22, where I was diagnosed with Major Depression and hospitalised. 


Recently, I told one interfering aunty to stop meddling in family affairs. She implied I was ungrateful. She also demanded an apology or she would "remove" herself from my life" which I refused to give as I had nothing to apologise for. I told her it was her choice and her life. I also said I want to be treated with dignity, respect and as an equal. Haven't heard a word since. 


Mum is a chronic complainer who constantly whinges all the time. At first, I listened patiently but she's not prepared to make changes to improve her situation. She sees herself as a victim [and me as the bad person] and she has a martyr's complex. [It's one reason I used to hate phoning her.] 


B had an accident in Kenya so Mum and I flew to London, England, to bring her home as her travel insurance arranged for her to be airlifted from Nairobi to London. I was employed with Ansett Airlines at the time so Mum and I flew on my staff discount.  


Mum and B were so rude. They talked in low voices so I couldn't hear them. Mum constantly complained about everything - even though I warned her everything was expensive beforehand. It was embarrassing, especially when we stayed with my English friend Deci. [They talk about "whingeing poms" but we Aussies got our own back when Mum was in London!] I was so emotionally drained when I arrived back in Sydney that the first person I wanted to see was my psychiatrist! 


B's friends visited her in hospital. I participated in the conversion. After they left, B said they were there "to see me". 


B did not invite me to her wedding and no one bothered to tell me until a friend in my Bible Study said he heard one of my brothers-in-law mention it on a talk-back show on 2UE! I asked Mum why I wasn't told so she said B didn't want me there and I wasn't invited. [Dad wasn't invited either and he doesn't know what her problem is! Someone joked we should commiserate at the local pub.] 


One aunty tipped me off beforehand about the approximate date and that it was on an island somewhere in Queensland. 


My sister S is busy raising a one-year old. She phones when she can, despite demands as wife and mother. 


My brother C is overseas. 


Dad lives interstate but we talk on the phone regularly. 


The main problem is loneliness because people don't understand problems Aspies have with communicating with others. 


I attend church regularly and there are some friends who are supportive when I talk to them. I also belong to two craft groups, work part-time and work on my novel. 


However, I don't believe I am a "bad egg" as Mum has insinuated for most of my life.  


For one, I am NOT a member of Al-Qaeda, I haven't robbed any banks, killed anyone, sold or taken illegal drugs. Living in Government Housing, periodical unemployment or telling off one's parents does not make me a bad or undesirable person. 


I am a poor starving writer with a disability who is doing the best I can despite all this crap. I dream of interviewing actor David James Elliott from "JAG" - I tried for six years to obtain a phone interview! [I would eventually like to meet him in person.] "JAG" is my favourite show, and I loved DJE's character in the show. I would like to meet Queen Elizabeth too - she is supposed to be a very distant cousin on Dad's side of the family. I read many books about British and Russian royalty - past and present. 


Past employment history includes being bullied by colleagues, management and [at Ansett Airlines] by union delegates. One employer was taken to the Human Rights Commission as I was subjected to bullying (because of the Aspegers and Depression) and sexual harassment. 

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May 27, 2006, 9:23 am CDT

Favouritism Sucks!

Quote From: nicole1

I just recently had the opportunity to view my recorded episode and am so outraged!  I cannot believe the mother with two daughters who completely favors one over the other.  I wanted to crawl out of my skin as I heard such superficial and hurtful words echo from her mouth and she was talking about her own child!  The obvious devastation on the face of that sweet little girl, Victoria, broke my heart.  I am in close contact with kids of all ages and see just how terrible it can be when children struggle with so many issues in the outside world.  The one saving grace in a child's life is the comfort that parents/home is a safe zone - that no matter what happens outside, there's a place of absolute love and support.  That mother is a joke and should take a deep look inside to regain her self worth and take immediate steps to become a real mother.  It's not too late, she can begin to make this right and successfully raise two wonderful, thoughtful, caring young women.

I saw this episode a few weeks ago when it aired here in Australia. I felt sorry for poor Victoria and how badly she was treated.  


My mother favours one of my sisters (2 years younger than me) and people always compared me unfavourably to her. Mum insinuted I was not a very nice person but, then again, I think my sister has a real attitude problem as she is always rude towards me. [Personally, I think she is a really prissy person who is easily embarrassed by silly trivial things. She is also a control-freak.]  


Mum bought a set of Mills and Boon novels as a Christmas pressie because "K likes them." I told Mum I wasn't K and I was my own person, not K's clone. For a start, K doesn't have Asperger's Syndome.  


I now tell people I don't to be like my sister, but be myself and be my own person instead of being in her shadow.  


Hopefully, someone will help Victoria overcome her self-esteem issues and love her for who she is as a person, not her outward appearance.  



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May 27, 2006, 9:31 am CDT


Quote From: englishsu

I used to be the girl who 'had it all' - I was slim, pretty, had a handsome doctor husband, two cute daughters, the works.  Then one day 9 years ago it all fell apart - I had a stroke and my husband left me.  I comfort-ate and my weight balooned - suddenly I was a fat, single woman who limps along with a cane.  People started treating me differently - kids stared, adults looked away, unable to make eye-contact.  I have seen both sides of what it is like to be judged by what you look like and it hurts.

I suffer from a disability too - Asperger's Syndrome - and Major Depression for most of my life. Also, I am a little overweight - once I used to be so skinny and never have to worry about what I ate, but I was considered "not as pretty" as my sister K.  


A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. So-called "friends" distanced themselves after she became ill because they couldn't handle it.   


Some people are real mongrels.   


Rellos tell me I shouldn't talk about suffering from Depression as "people just don't talk about it" and they consider me a real embarrassment.  Or I'm accused of "bunging it on" [faking it] just to get attention.  


Remember, it's their problem, not yours.  


One thing I really hate is when people talk about you as if you weren't there. It's so rude.  

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May 27, 2006, 11:05 pm CDT

Love One Another...

Quote From: larry518

What ever happened to Love one as another, Love your neighbor as yourself & Love casts out all evil?  


I'm not very sure these days, especially with family members - especially ones who are verbally and emotionally abusive. One sister used to ridicule a girl at our school because she was mentally challenged.  


Mine are mostly worried about maintaining their image and keeping up appearances.  


One does not care about this whilst suffering for Major Depression - when one has hit rock bottom.  


Having a disability and Major Depression has helped me to be more empathic towards others who don't enjoy good health.  


There's too much pressure on ordinary women to be slim and beautiful, which probably explains why many opt for plastic surgery or Botox.  

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May 27, 2006, 11:14 pm CDT


Quote From: yesyoucan

Good Eevning. Oopsies, I mean Good Morning Suzanne... Speaking of Good... Good idea of yours to do a list so I decided to do an alphabetized list and, whew, still not everyone.,,. Thank God for the word Everyone. I'd suggest everyone do a family video once a year. I just have a nano-second of my family on wedding video since video camera in hands of family I married into. I especially love your graphic because my dad would call me every a.m. the last few years of his life and leave me a message some of which I taped that were still on answering machine after dad passed away. "It's a Beautiful Day. Take Care. Be Careful. I Love You. Dad." So...this graphic made me smile thinking of my dad's calls. Pretty graphic, too, as looks like a rainbow promising a beautiful day. Let's plan on it. THANK YOU SUZANNE...

All Aboard
SEA (December 25, 2005)

Positive Thinking
Of Thought

and Everyone...

GOD Bless You

It IS not original... it is eternal
God loves you

Thank you for thinking of me in your thoughts and prayers too.
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June 1, 2006, 6:50 am CDT

I'm Doing OK. How Are You?

Quote From: yesyoucan

Someone was just thinking about you and sent blessings your way via a prayer for you. Hugs and prayers, SEA

Yesterday, I caught up with my youngest sister and her little boy L (aged 15 months), which was very nice. We are hoping to catch up again soon. L is now walking and he is a delightful little boy. He has grown since Christmas.  


Work is very busy, I'm working on writing projects at home and I still make time to watch Dr Phil.  

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June 12, 2006, 7:01 am CDT

He Sounds Like A Control Freak

Quote From: swiggles36

Alright so here is my problem, or situation rather. I had this "friend" who i recently cut off contact with, because of how they started to treat me. It was partially my fault for always trying to "compromise" and work it out, but I finally did draw the line. Anyways, now I'm wondering if it was the right thing to do. Our friendship was very short-lived, barely 2 months, but the impact this person had on me was great and I miss them.  


A bit of a background on this (a tad long, so bear with me) :  


Very shortly ( a matter of days) after we met, he was very flirtatious, nice and saying he wanted to take me out etc... Not a problem.   


However, very soon after that he started inquiring as to why I did certain things, how I took care of myself , not confiding in him about a personal issue i chose not to speak of, and if what I did, didn't fit his "logic" he snubbed me, guilt tripped me , and just plain out got nasty.  Each time something went wrong, such as I didn't flirt back or I questioned his motives (not in a rude way, just in a cautious way since we had literally just met) he thought it was because he is a guy and I was stereotyping him, even after i explained to him my actual reasoning and that  it was nothing personal. He still chose not to "get it." and essentially, I think,  chose to blame  me for his misinterpretation. A few days later th en said we couldn't be friends anymore, because he didn't want that "drama" in his life while ironically at the same time sending me 50 (literally) blank e-mails.   


So anyway, we worked it out and things went really well for a bit ( a bit emphasis on the 'bit' part. I sometimes think my forgiving nature is a magnet for these types of people, and perhaps low self-esteem). We didnt talk for a few days, because of work and the first thing he says to me is to criticize  me about an opinion of mine. When i reacted to what he said, he had a problem with that and accused me of  coping an attitude he didn't deserve and being overly sensitive,that reminded him of his mom and sister which  he found annoying. In short, I could never do anything right. When I was nice, I got pounded, when I stepped up I got pounded. Each thing I did wrong, he was qick to disparage, but refused to take note that he was doing the exact same thing he percevied I to be enaging in, even when i tried to explain otherwise.  


 He was tempermental towards me and even threw abuse I experience growing up in my face . He later on said he regretted saying such things (claiming he did it onyl out of anger), but that was only after i asked him if ever planned on doing so, but refused to for anything else he has said or done since it "wasn't" wrong, and even mocked my feelings a couple of times, just because he was "angry". Once again we "worked" it out, or so I thought. He the got into it with a friend of mine and left me some sarcastic message, whether or not it was directed towards me I dont  know. All i know is 3 days later he once again said we couldn't be friends, only this time sending (literally) 152 messages. That's when I drew the line ( ya, i know took me long enough). I didn't repsond to such a cry for attention and cut him out of my life. I would have inquired as to what his reasoning was, but I didn't want to be run down, yet again. So, I went away silently. He hasn't contacted me since (only been a few weeks, so we shall see).  


Now i find out he is in a relationship with someone, who he has known for a few years and is apparently in love with her.  I guess it semi-hurts, because he chose to treat me like that and apparently treats her so well.I know he has known her longer then I , but I still don't understand what I did to ask for that treatment when I feel I tried my best and gave that former friendship my all. I try to stay postive and I'm a believer in both God and Karma, but it doesn't seem fair that he could treat someone so shity and then be lucky enough to find someone who makes him happy.  


How do I get in my head an accept that I have not lost prince charming, but rather escaped the grasp of someone who isn't good for me.  


Thanks all for your advice!  

You're better off without this mongrel. You don't deserve to be treated that way.  


He obviously has a problem, especially if he doesn't like being asked questions.  


I had a so-called friend who insisted on knowing my whereabouts 24/7. She would sulk if I didn't tell her stuff, and she phoned other friends about 3 or 4 times a day! She asked me to lie to her parents for her but I put my foot down and refused. She was also a real blabbermouth.  


She often double-booked herself so someone suggested buying a diary to keep track, but it didn't work.  


I changed churches because I wanted people to see me as individual, not as her clone. She started coming to my new church until I asked her not to.  


She was manipulative and claustrophobic so I ended the friendship because I couldn't trust her any more.  

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June 12, 2006, 7:20 am CDT

The Joys of Suffering Asperger's

I find it hard making friends because I have Aspeger's. [I wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago.]  


Many people tend to keep their distance because I have trouble relating to people (socially). I work at remembering to ask people how they are, once they've asked how I am, and making conversations.  


Past friendships were with controlfreaks, dependent people or those who said they were friends but didn't want to be seen with me-let alone spend time doing fun activities.  


Two of my sisters used to tell me that nobody liked me-which didn't do much for my self-esteem. Mum constantly insinuated I wasn't a nice person whilst I was growing up. These days, I don't talk to them as they never seem to say anything nice to me.  


Anyway, I found this quote in John Laws' Book of Irreverent Logic: "It's crazy to think everybody hates you - not everybody knows you." (page 138).  


That is so true. Not everybody knows me-especially most people living outside Australia.  


However, I am getting on well with my youngest sister and my brother. My sister gives regular updates on my nephew, now aged 15 months. He is a gorgeous little boy.  


Dang it! I can't change the type colour to purple! 


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June 12, 2006, 7:30 am CDT


Quote From: yesyoucan

What are you writing? I wrote below Pixikues recently. I invented Pixiku poetry which I say is the wild child of Haiku and Senryu. Pixiku doesn't have a seventeen syllable limit or 5, 7, 5 line limit format for lines 1,2,3, respectively. Pixiku is three line poetry to set up one's inspirational thoughts and can rhyme or not rhyme. Writer decides stress points wanted to best express message and separates lines based on points to be stressed rather than based on syllable limits. Sometimes when writing a Pixiku you can end up with a traditional or contemporary haiku and senryu poem as the wild child of Haiku and Senryu, Pixiku poetry, is all encompassing and, like most offspring, can resemble parents at times. I hope you have a HAPPY TODAY. SEA

by SEA

Open your sights to the possibilities
Following the path
Of stepping stone blessings

by SEA

I reached out to you
You reached back
With Kindness

by SEA

I prayed with eyes closed and hands clasped together
"God, please help me. Thank you."
Opened my eyes to see help in my own two hands

I am working on a novel I completed ten years ago, as it was saved on 5 1/4" floppies. [I don't know how to transfer data from an old computer to a new one, so I'm typing the whole dang thing and editing as I go. It's a historical novel set in 17th Century England. 


My other novel is halfway completed. It's set in the airline industry. 


I also write articles and reviews too-some were published in Australian newspapers or magazines. 


Some ladies in our local writers' group write Haiku. There is a publication called Yellow Moon here in Australia where poets can enter their work. 


PS: How do you get your text to turn purple? 


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