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Messages By: mygirl1234

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August 19, 2006, 12:47 am CDT

Grief over loved ones and failing in presenet life

I have been a single parent for 19 years.  My parents assisted greatly in helping me when circumstances arose ex: babysetting, spending time with my child and my Dad being a male role model since my daughter's Dad does not involve himself  in any significant way.  My father passed away four years ago.  At the time I was an elementary teacher of 15 years and just received my masters.  I suffered depression off and on before but took med. and was under a doctor's care. When my father became ill, my family fell apart. My mother went into denial and wasn't taking care of Dad with his cancer treatments or herself either.My only sister, a nurse, lived an hour away and was not helping, my teenager stopped trying in school and I missed numerous days from work , I was risking my  job but loved my father and knew it was the best thing and only  thing to do. He wasmy close friend and respected and loved. I had to help out.  I took two family leaves.  To make a long story short. The family grew further apart. My Dad passed away and I tried to commit suicide as I felt  totally discouraged and deserted, it seemed that no one cared about me and my life was to crazy to stand.  My principal tried to fire me for missing days.  My insurance co. intervened and I aggreed to leave on my own, since it was obvious that they wanted me to go. They paid the remainder of my contract and agreed to only say in references that absences were due to family illinesses. IHAVE BEEN TURNED DOWN FOR TEACHING JOBS DUE TO THEIR REPORT. They have given me such a bad reference, I have not been able to get another teaching job since.  I never had a bad end of the year report and worked hard, loved the kids, and feel totally out of place now.  I want my life and career back so bad but can not get around the bad reference.  I also lost my grandmother and aunt the same school year as my father and my daughter ended up in the hospital with nausea and throwing up....,most likely nerves, never diagnosed.  She got behind in school and ended up getting her GED rather than finishing H. School.  It is like the last few years have been such a nightmare, so scary and I don't know where to start fixing this mess.I have always been a high achiever and worked my way through school for three degrees.  I am not lazy or unmotivated. I SURE DO FEEL REJECTED AND LIKE A FAILIRE.  Please help me SEE THE NEXT STEP. I FEEL SO BACKED IN A CORNER AND FOR ONCE IN MY life I DONT KNOW THE NEXT STEP. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. 
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August 23, 2006, 3:30 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: kwindshawn

What horrible things to go through.  Seems like jobs just want us to be unfeeling robots, and as soon as our wires become crossed they want to throw us in the junkpile.  The world would be so much better if everyone just took the time to care for each other.  I am at a loss as far as advice, but I for one will be hoping for things to improve for you.  Hang in there and know there are people praying for you. :-)
Thank you for your kindness.

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