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Messages By: i_c_all

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October 11, 2005, 5:35 am CDT

The pressure, the pressure...

Why is it women aren't supposed to love being single? I'm a 33-year old professional, who has recently bought her very own apartment, and I feel great. Sure, I sometimes miss having a companion (and a lover), but I still find it OK to be alone. If only my friends would see it that way!



In less than one year, one friend met and moved in with her boyfriend, another friend met her girlfriend, and yet another met a guy and got married. So I am now the odd (wo)man out. My newly-converted married friend feels obligated to whisk me out of my miserable state, so it seems; she insisted on fixing me up with various guys, but alas: a. I wasn't really up to it at the time, and, more importantly, b. Not one of those theoretically great fix-ups ever came to be (she always somehow decided that, after all, the guy wasn’t really for me). So I admit that I was, and still am, confused. On one hand, it seems that this concerned friend has only the best intentions in mind, but I can't shake off the nagging feeling that she didn't really want for me to meet someone - she only wanted to feel like a good friend.



My younger sister, who got married last year, also tried to fix me up. I appreciate the effort - I really do. But it still feels like all my friends and relatives regard my single status as a disease I must overcome or a terrible predicament I must get out of.



When I tell my friends that I don't really want to meet someone right now, they shrug. My best friend, who has known me since childhood, claims I'm scared. Maybe I am. I admit that my last blind dated have left me hurt and angry. Still, it's not only fear. Deep inside, I feel the desperate need for breathing room. I want to enjoy my new apartment, and continue looking for a new job (which I have been doing ever since I got my current job - it's just not for me).



Anyway, I hope I'll feel the urge to date one of these days. Until then, I will continue to meet my friends, do the things I love, and just embrace life.








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