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Messages By: ginad123

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October 27, 2005, 5:24 pm CDT

lying and spending money

I am sending this message in hopes of some feedback and solutions.  Money is the number one problem in my relationship with my live in boyfriend!  I feel that we both have very bad conceptions about money.  First of all, I am 27 years old and this is the first time that I moved out from my parents home.  I've been on my own for about 6 months.  My boyfriend in 41 years old and was living on his own for a very long time.  For one, I know my problem with money, I use shopping as a healer to my depression.  My patterns are purchasing something and hiding it from my boyfriend or lying about the purchase, Ladies, you know what I'm saying: "Oh, this old shirt, I bought it months ago but forgot I had it."  Over the years, I rack up the plastic and max them out , get more plastic and max them out too.  Currently, I am $4,000.00 in CC debt.  My boyfriend is "sneeky" with his money.  I am a snoop and when we first started dating, I found utiity bills in his ex's name for him.  I found a letter about his ex complaining out him not paying the bills that were in her name.  I found this odd because, my boyfriend seemed like he had his finances in check.  Low and behold, When we moved out together, he had me put all the utilities in my name!  We pay the utilities with joint finances but I still wonder what his debt situation is.  He is very secretive about this.  I also found out that he had been evicted twice in his life.  Also, he "mysteriously lost his company when I first met him."  He claims that his ex stole money from the company.  More alarming, he has two ladies that he was friends with and myself all were good freinds.  Now, both are leaving mean voice mails about him owing them money?  Should I just let it  go? Hey with both have scary money issues, we still have a roof over our heads.  But, we are discussing marriage in the future.
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October 27, 2005, 5:37 pm CDT

money abuse

Quote From: chocsupmre

My relationship of several years has ended. One of the reasons was his inability to open up about things that I think are givens in a marriage or long-term committed relationship. He refused to talk about money, I never knew how much he made until other people told me. After 3 years of this it comes to find out he has 2 child support payments when he only told me about one child. I think this is part of the reason why he concealed his information for so long. I've been reading up on abuse and it seems like witholding information is one thing a person does to control the relationship. Is this normal?
Hello, I wrote a message concerning my relationship and money issues.  My boyfriend has to attend anger  management classes and they had a topic on financial abuse.  Some of the issues are witholding money, control how money is spent, decide where the money goes, lie about income, ect.  My boyfriend had demanded that I hand him over my pay check.  I have  to ask for an allowance.  He controls the amount of money I spend.  We both have some money issues, but maybe he is right about controling the finances????  Please read message from ginad123 and see what you think?  I got my financial abuse info.  from Vantage Point, inc.  (401) 941-7276 Providence, RI.  This is the program that my boyfriend was court ordered to go.

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