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Messages By: nyhardhat1

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October 7, 2005, 2:10 pm CDT

The latest debate..displine

I watched the always and wanted the woman with the three kids to know that I feel the same way as the other woman....keep control of your kids in public.  If you can''t remove them.  Yes I have 1 23.  He knew he had better mind in public or he would see some butt action when we got to the car.  I worked with the developmentally disabled back then and used sign language in my workplace.  I taught this to my son as i learned it and it was a very very useful tool.  I could chew his ass out in public and most people didn't have a clue.  I also understand how hard  multi children are because i came into a relationship with a man who had 3 teenagers....under 16.  It takes work and patience and consistency...lots of work but it can be done. 



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May 23, 2006, 2:32 pm CDT

Why does there have to be a payoff??

Quote From: neelhtak

What if I don't know what my pay off is?  My childhood is a blank page. I have surpressed it for some reason.  Oh I remember all the stuff that didn't happen in my home, but ask me to conjure up even one memory of anything that happened in my house and I can't.  The reason might be hidden there.  My sister and I have battled weight issues most of our lives, compounded by my mothers harrassment over the subject.  What a mind altering experience when I found out after she passed away that she was quite a chunky girl growing up.  The pay off might be there.  My weight prevents me from being very comfortable in intimate situations with my husband.  I wonder if there is a pay off there somehow.  Clearly there is a lot of denial here.  I just don't know where to start to get my life back.  My fear is that somehow I will end up like my mother and I don't want that to happen to my children.  It's a very dark and lonely place to be.
You aren't the only one that doesn't know what the payoff is.  I remember my childhood.  I was a very skinny kid up until kindergarden and had my tonsils out.  By 4th grade they had me on a diet and i lost a lot of weight.  Since then it has been a roller coaster.   I know the Mom thing myself.  I just came back from a 5 day visit with her for Mothers Day and 3 days before the trip I replayed the conversation over and over in my head of her comments on my weight.  Mind you she is 135 and has been that as long as I can remember.  It took me many years to realize I don't need her approval just her love.  I know I have it yet I still feel trapped in the approval thing.    My boyfriend and I live together and he is overweight after kidney cancer and diabities and I catch myself making comments or thinking things that I would never say or allow him to say to me.  I see that vicious cycle starting and am doing my best, and often failing not to repeat my Mom's words.    I am sure most of my issues lie with my relationship...past and present....with my Mom.  Now how do I figure out what that is and how do I reslove it? 
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July 8, 2006, 4:08 pm CDT

Been there done that

I did the online dating thing for 10 years.  I did the ads in the paper too.  Yeah you meet your share of jerks but you also meet some pretty nice guys.  There are the liars and the not so truthful ones too.  I met my husband 7 years ago in a chat room.  He was/is in oklahoma and I was in New York.  Didn't see the chance of anything ever happening because of the distance.  I flew out here for a week because we spent so much time getting to know each other over the room, emails.  We had a great time together.  We flew back and forth for a year then I moved out here in 2000.  Been together ever since.  Sparks still fly, my heart still goes pitter patter when he looks at me.    


One piece of advice for the online dating.  Ya gotta think of it as cast the net looking for one fish and a bunch of others are caught too.  Just toss them back! 




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