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Messages By: Pleasance

Message Emote
October 18, 2005, 8:59 am CDT

A shout out to everyone




A special hello to those of you that might remember me.   Cybilone, Sunshine, Gemini, Momisme, Qqqhhh, and the Lion/lamb (pic), just to mention a few.   I would  post frequently offering information and resources.......back when we had the string of messages.....several of us would chat on the boards.       Morning, noon or night! 




If you remember me, don't  mention or post my old board user name. Please.   Thank you.! 




Anyway....... I am back .  A  bit uncomfortable with the new board format....its seems even difficult to observe and read here now.    Have been reading for a while as I  was unable to activate my membership without  much difficulty. 


Hello, Hello, Hello! 






Message Emote
October 18, 2005, 9:37 am CDT

not sure

Quote From: qqqhhh

Please email me and let me know who you were if you are comfortable doing that.  If not, no biggie -- maybe I'll figure it out myself eventually.  Or we can just start afresh -- 


I have about three wonderful people in mind  and have missed them ALL DEARLY! 


Cybil and LJforLJ checks in from time to time -- they both doing very well.  LJ finalized her divorce some time ago and now has a new hair salon in her home.  Cybil reaquainted herself with her abuser but has also kept her distance -- good for her!  I haven't heard from Gemini or Momisme in forever.  I hope they are doing well and finding the happiness they deserve! 


WELCOME BACK -- with a great big hug!  Q 




I'm not sure about emailing just yet....Cybilone used to suggest that to me and I never did then either. 



You  once put up on the boards a picture of a beautiful sunset.........for one of my favorite places. 







Please don't blurt out my name. 






Message Emote
October 18, 2005, 10:26 am CDT

Touched my heart

Quote From: qqqhhh

Is it REALLY YOU!?!?! 


I can't believe it! 


We have wondered about you for AGES! 


Hoping you were well.  Glad to know that you ARE! 


Whenever I see pictures like that one -- I still think of you. 


We still carry on the Porch Light tradition too -- in honor of you! 

I have thought of you all so many many times. 



Hoping and praying that you all were here for each other. 



Feeling badly that I was not. 



You have touched my heart and have brought me to tears..........the Porch Light  tradition......I am so touched and elated that it continues.      I myself have turned on the light so very many times in my absence........hoping......hoping that you all could feel me there for you and with you all.    Even though I was not able to even read the boards.  



Later on........... 



The national news kept me from coming back over and over again............ when I feel comfortable emailing you, Q..........maybe some day I can explain. 










Message Emote
October 18, 2005, 11:42 am CDT

to michelle on the show




I remember you from the message boards from a long while ago.  



So happy to hear you have left the relationship.  I wish you the best. 



Why don't you drop back over on the board and keep us informed.  You can offer support and hopefully receive some too. 



I remember so well your love for the animals. 



Take care. 



I wish you the best. 


Message Emote
October 19, 2005, 9:16 am CDT


Quote From: qqqhhh

And in about a month it'll be that time again!   


If you don't ever explain, that'll be fine too -- I'm just glad you reconnected. 


Know that I care.   



Thank you for your thoughts. 



There are so many women who used to post here that I wonder  about  and wish I knew they're  doing ........... if things are going well for them..........hoping they ARE safe. 














Message Emote
October 19, 2005, 9:39 am CDT


Can someone tell me when the format for the message boards changed. 


Were the changes gradual or just one day it all happened? 



Did the string remain until the changes? 




Just wondering .............. I have been away for so long. 





Message Emote
October 21, 2005, 10:29 am CDT

which is it?

Just wondering aloud............are folks who normally post  on this board  having the same trouble activating their account as I did?    Therefore, we are not seeing them at all.  the new format keeping them from posting as they once surely is not as user friendly as the old  format.............I wonder if that could be part of the reason why the format has cut down on the chit chat that used to occur  between regular posters .........most generally there was always an exchange of sort ........most of the time..........also notice other boards such as Current Events and a few others where the normal activity does not exist. 



With this format posting the entire message you are responding to.......seems a waste of space ........possibly a small portion from the original message could be posted instead. 



Just thinking out loud. 



I can see that the new terms of use  and this new format go hand in hand. 



I do realize there are other reasons for the new format........some of which obviously are addressed in the new terms of  usage and  new privacy policy...........I trust Dr. Phil......his staff and their choices. 



Thank you. 


Message Emote
October 21, 2005, 10:39 am CDT

Passive Aggressive

Quote From: traders9

 Thank you for your reply, Q, it gave me material with which to work. I do, however, have a question. What exactly is 'passive-aggressive'? I do not  really know what all it entails. It is really difficult to have a discussion with him about feelings and such. As soon as I say anything, he gets defensive as well as dismissive. If I push the issue, the situation becomes worse - insults, satire, ridicule, etc.. When that happens I just drop the issue or become  angry myself.  Often he will just keep talking and talking so that I cannot get a word in. That is so frustrating!  I have a feeling that it has a lot to do with his first marriage (she passed away a couple of years ago). From what I understand, his first wife was very abusive and an alcoholic - perhaps that is why he is so dismissive when it comes to listening - he had to listen to a babbling drunk all the time. I have told him that he can't just assume  he can treat me the same way - I am totally different -- I don't drink, I have never done drugs, I am not abusive, and  I have enough intelligence and education (post-graduate degrees - 4.00 GPA) to understand things going on around me.  He is also a university graduate (3.50 GPA), so the two of us are pretty well matched.   Anyhow, I have done some thinking since yesterday and have decided to do more things for myself and my interests, even if it is only an hour or so a day. I have neglected these (and friends) for some months now, much to my  detriment.  But it IS time to do something for myself again!

Thought you might like to read this book....... 



Living With the Passive Agressive Man.........written by Scott Wetzler, PH.D 



Also.....go to search engine for "passive aggressive" 



You will find lots of sites related to this topic.  





Message Emote
October 22, 2005, 10:20 am CDT

Religion and Domestic Abuse

Quote From: l_oving

Everyone needs help when in a marriage because "in a marriage there will be tribulations."  

There is a true beauty in a united, happy family.  Family life today, however, has come under severe pressures.  In some countries persons even ask, "Can the family survive?"  There is a free book called, "The Secret of Family Happiness" that I would like to give to interested ones.  This book is published to show that we have every reason for confidence in the success of the family arrangement.  It will point you to the finest source of counsel and guidance for solving family problems.  I sincerely hope it will contribute to the happiness of your family.  There are only two keys to a lasting and happy marriage; love and respect for one another.  Two imperfect people are coming together to live under the same roof to try to make a marriage "perfect".  Please remember that when times get tough, "in a marriage there will be tribulations."     


What ever the situation is in your marriage, do not be distressed.  For what is happening in your marriage is likely the same in others.  So don' t be discouraged.  There are ways to make the marriage work, even after 1 year or 30 years (or more)!  First know that domestice violence begins in the heart and mind; the way one acts begins with how one thinks.  (James 1:14, 15).  To stop the violence, whether pysical, emotional, or sexual, the abuser needs to transform his way of thinking.  Is that possible, you ask?  Yes.  God's Word has the power to change people.  It can uproot even "strongly entrenched" destructive views.  (2 Corinthians 10:4).  Accurate knowledge of the Bible principles for married couples can help produce so complete a change in people that they are said to put on a new personality.  "Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself."  (Ephesians 5:28).  The bible also says that a husband should assign his wife "honour as to a weaker vessel."  Wives are admonished "to love their husbands" and to have "deep respect" for them.  Surely no God-fearing husband can truthfully argue that he really honours his wife if he assaults her physically, verbally, or sexually.  And no wife who screams at her husband, addresses him sarcastically, or constantly scolds him can say that she truly loves and respects him.   The bible condems "enmities, strife,...fits of anger".  Therefore, anyone claiming to be a Christian who repeatedly and unrepentantly gives in to violent fits of anger, perhaps including physical abuse of spouse or children, will not go without being punished.  If you need assistance in your marriage, then chapter 12 of this free book addresses the concern of overcoming damaging problems in a marriage. 


The mental and emotional makeup and the upbringing of each partner are different.  Couples often disagree and it takes time to address such matters, but take heart!  "God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves."  Most married couples are able to face such problems and work out mutually acceptable solutions.  This shows that the coming together will actually become a complement of one another, highlighting one anothers strengths.  So it is not the time to give up, you've worked so hard to get to where you are now.  It is just time to improve.  If you feel broken at heart or need help to cope with the anxieties of your marriage, there is hope.  "God is near."  He understands how difficult your family situation is.  (1 Peter 5:6, 7).  The communication in a marriage is the most vital thing, yet the most hardest.   If you would like further assistance for your marriage, don't hesitate to inquire about the free book.  It will help you to recognize the problems and how to apply the solutions.  It will give great insight into your marriage and help mend it to make it even more than better.  Please let me know if this is of interest to you.   

Sadly, sacred writings have been misused and put women and children in danger at the hands of men.  



Religion and some teachings have been part of the institutional abuse of women and children. 



Women and children have been taught to be subservient to men and most given a" less than status."     



Regarding Divorce, Deal Breakers, Broken Marriages ............. 



A battered women who leaves is not the one breaking any marriage vows.  Rather, the marriage was already broken by the man who ignored his vows to love and cherish.  Hasn't he put asunder what God brought together? 




Women deserve better...............God wants more for you, too.............get out and leave for a whole, happy and healthy life. 





Message Emote
October 22, 2005, 10:59 am CDT

Has He?

Has he ever raised a fist or hand? 



Thrown things? 



Destroyed your property? 



Ripped phones out of the wall? 



Punched walls/doors? 



Intimidated  you with or exposed a weapon in your presence? 








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