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Messages By: praymanna

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September 3, 2005, 8:51 pm CDT

Spirited kids

Quote From: jettav

Sounds to me like your daughter can use some parenting classes but doesn't sound like she would be too willing to do that. She really is bringing all this on herself if she keeps up what she is doing and doesn't change her attitude. I cannot imagine going through everyday yelling at my girls and having yelling matches with them. Maybe approach her and ask her "how is the yelling working for her"? yes, she will get upset but then when she does, just tell her that her approach to disciplining her kids isn't working and maybe she needs to think of something else. Like ignoring the tantrums, yelling and all, maybe try taking priveleges, toys away, time outs work well with most kids, whatever, she definetly needs to stop yelling at her kids like this. Maybe go to the library and pick up a couple parenting books for her and leave them on your coffee table or something, maybe she will pick one up and actually start reading it, or maybe if she sees you reading one, she will get an interest in it. If she asks why you are reading them, you can respond by telling her that you are trying to find ways to help her with the discipline problem with the kids, whatever you want to tell her, but she really has to have the desire to change her ways before she will. so all you can do is try your best to help her and leave the rest up to her.
I definently agree that the yelling should stop. Kids will learn to completely tune out a yelling parent...Take this from someone who used to use this tactic. It only makes you reactive, heated up and angry and one can lose one's temper when the child ignore's or defies you even more. Dr. Phil changed my ways. His Parenting 101 series has been a Godsend!! When he said that yelling and fighting can change who a child is, it blew my mind and really gave my husband and me a wake-up call. Our kids changed their attitudes and became more confident, happy children after we changed and stopped the yelling. As far as the advice on getting a few parenting books and leave them where she can see them... please don't. That could be sooooo offensive to your daughter. If she is anything like I was, she will only rebel more and keep up the yelling. Especially since you are her mother. It might work with someone else doing it, but she may probably feel like she's being judged and failing yet again. A better way of doing it is actually through the Dr. Phil show... tape it and show it to her or just chat with her about watching Dr. Phil.... there's one coming out about the mom that screams at her kids and I'm sure Dr. Phil will straighten her out and give her a Wake-up call and give great advice!! Invite your daughter over when that Dr. Phil show is on and just say," Oh I just Have to watch Dr. Phil... and watch it with her. Does she ever watch Dr. Phil???

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