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Messages By: tk0201

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September 9, 2005, 10:07 am CDT

Need Perspective

My fiancé (as of July 1, 2005) and I have been together for almost four years; he is divorced from a woman who has a daughter from a previous relationship; although their marriage was short lived, he apparently bonded with the child; I recently found out that I had been mislead for quite some time about the amount of contact between the three of them; I had no idea until I saw the cell phone bill copies that there were calls back and forth every day (except weekends) and that the number of calls made ranged anywhere from 3-10 on any given day; when I confronted him about it, I was told that all of this communication was always regarding the child, but I find it hard to understand what there is to call about that many times a day about a (now) eleven year old; the entire time we have been together, the ex-wife has always felt free to call and ask him for money for whatever they needed (birthdays, clothes, holidays, etc.) and the “separate family issue” has been an ongoing battle for me for several years now; last week I told him that, since I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, that I wanted his communication to be with the child only, that I saw no reason for he and his ex to talk every day; he agreed and told me the next day that it was all handled; keep in mind that he supposedly had the same conversation with her about a year and a half ago; I feel like I have gone above and beyond where all of this is concerned, I’ve never allowed myself to confront her, although I’ve let him know in no uncertain terms exactly the way I feel about both of them; the child acts like a total brat and speaks very disrespectfully to him every time we’ve ever had her for the weekend, and the ex will obviously take every dime she can get; he is a good hearted person, and maybe he doesn’t see how he’s being taken advantage of, or perhaps there are some unresolved issues between them; but the bottom line is that his devotion to them is killing our relationship; I love him, but I don’t feel that I can trust him where they’re concerned and I don’t want to have to check behind him for the rest of my life; I would welcome someone else’s perspective on this…

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