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Messages By: germanyj

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August 23, 2005, 1:03 pm CDT

Mother without a baby!

 Dear Dr. Phil and Friends:

I'm a 32 year old female desparate to be a mom but can't have a baby.  All my life all I've ever wanted is to have a family and be a mom.  I wanted six kids, like my grandmother.  We couldn't walk by a stroller without me stopping to take a peak.  My husband and I have been together since I was 19 and started attempting to get pregnant right after college.  It wasn't until about three years ago that I started seeing an infertility specialist.  I had surgery two years ago and learned that I had severe endometriosis.  My right fallopian tube was completely mangled, and the left doesn't look too much better.  My uterus was attached to my bladder and I had a tremendous amount of scar tissue.  My doctor told me we could attempt IVF but he wasn't sure that we'd have too much success. He said we may have to do the procedures five or six times before ruling it out as a viable option.  Unfortunately I am not one of those women who can spend that kind of money on IVF treatments.  My husband and I don't have that type of money and insurance doesn't pay for the procedures.  I know Dr. Phil must receive a million requests from women wanting to have children who cannot conceive on their own.  But I honestly don't know where else to turn.  I am so desparate and feel that time is just slipping by.  My maternal instinct is so strong and I feel as if I'm a mother without a baby.  My husband and I are very option to adoption.  This is where our second hurdle comes in.  My husband got into trouble when he was 18 and is now a convicted felon. He got several DUI's including one after being declared a habitual offender which is a felony.  He was also caught with drugs and was charged with the intent to distribute, also a felony.  We are unable to adopt.  We can't even become foster parents.  My husband is now 35, has since graduated from college with a degree is psychology, and we now run our own business.  Yet he is still being punished for the foolish things he did when he was younger in life and preventing us from having the family we so desparately want and long for. 
I have a 21 year old brother who has all of these female friends getting pregnant and treating their babies as if they were some throw away dolls.  Most of them are being rasied by grandparents and other have had abortions.  It makes me so angry that all of these girls take for granted what God has given them and they don't appreciate the miracles they have.  Then you have others like me who would do anything to have what they have and can do nothing about it. 
I too have seen the show where Dr. Phil has brought pregnant teenage mothers to women unable to have children of their own. I saw how Dr. Phil helped other people have the family they so much wanted.  I hope Dr. Phil can help me as well.  Or maybe some pregnant teenager is out there reading this and would be willing to let me be the mom I know I am.  I feel as if I'm out of options here and this is my last resort.  Thanks for listening.
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April 19, 2007, 11:09 am CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: mommy_angie

I will be blunt here - your husbands lifestyle choices when he was younger were not "foolish" -they were criminal.  Anyone with several DUI's and drug convictions should never be an adoptive parent.  I don't care that it was when he was 18.  If all of that happened in his 18th year, he should still be locked up.


I am a little offended that  you seem to be feeling wronged. I am also angry that you are minimizing the crimes your husband comitted.   Even if your husband is living his life right now, he drove drunk, more that once, and for that, he should never be a parent. 


I recently became the mother to my new born grandson and my young daughter and I would have never considered you and your husband for adoption of our baby, had we gone that route.


Your husbands actions could have ended they very lives of babies and children you claim others don't appreciate.  I'm sorry you can't be a mom, but maybe doing "anything" to be a mom should have included not being married to a felon. 


Maybe your story would inspire young people to not drink and drive.  Please keep telling it. 


Wow, I totally forgot about posting my message on here and just read what you wrote.

I probably would not have considered you or your daughter either seeing as to how close minded you all seem.  I guess your teenagers were angels and never got into any trouble.  My husband "Did his time" and then some and I don't feel he should be punished for the rest of his life.  He was a teenager and it was over half a lifetime ago. God forbid your children or grandchildren ever do anything to get them into trouble, we see how forgiving you are.  When I married my husband, I didn't know that I couldn't have children.  And just because he was a felon, doesn't mean I loved him any less.


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