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Messages By: siggy_61

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August 15, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT


Hi...I am feeling not only lonely, but depressed about my situation. My boyfriend has lived with me almost a yr. now. Our sex life has never been the best, but in my mind and heart it was the least important at the time of meeting him. I also believed that with time, love, adventure etc, it would fall into place and become more exciting. It's not. It's even worse than when we first met. We rarely engage in any type of intimate, or romantic situations. It is NOT that I don't express to him my wants, desires, what I like what I don't like...I have. In return the topic seems to be diverted to other issues and the point being that he is not fulfilling my sexual needs is lost. I have tried discussing this many times, always ending in hurt feelings. My last discussion with him was about wanting to understand his lack of interest in sex. I asked how often would he be happy with, and is sex something he thinks about. He admitted sex was not a priority to him, and that once a week would be plenty. (We rarely engage in sex once a week even!)..and when we do? I am so unsatisfied, he does not meet my sexual needs and I am becoming very frustrated. Afraid of what my family or friends may think of me....(being that I have been in a few live-in relationships) Fear of being judged I guess.     I'm not feeling close to him, I feel that without intamacy, PASSION, Romance...there's really nothing left. SURE, there is a brotherly/sisterly love, respect, etc. We generally don't fight (other than when This topic comes up..or i'm so depressed,sad, withdrawn) He will ask me what's wrong when i'm withdrawn (sexually frustrated)..and now i'm even avoiding talking about it. Ya kinda loose that will to make it right when you have repeatedly tried telling your partner what it is you need and want, and not getting any results.  

PS...I to have asked him what it is HE needs wants (it doesn't really include anything sexual)... 

During one of our discussions I did mention to him that perhaps our sexual orientation is just very different, and mentioned to him the article I had read about Asexual people.  I could tell it was a touch and go conversation as I was being careful not to hurt his feelings.  

I think I know the problem, and i'm seeking help in finding a solution, and I was really hoping it wouldn't have to mean moving on...OR settling and accepting it the way it is.... 




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