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Messages By: my_bubba

Message Emote
July 26, 2005, 3:30 pm CDT


I know in the last forum that the majority of the posts in this topic were negative.  I wanted to start the forum with a positive topic.  I wanted to hear some stories about positive relationships with stepfamilies.  I'll be the first . . .

I am 21.  My parents married when I was 19.  I have a 1 year old brother.  I met my stepdad when I was 11.  My stepdad is a huge influence in my life.  He told me a couple weeks ago that he wanted to be the most positive influence in my life.  I see my stepdad as a father figure/dad.  He spends a lot of time with me just talking and hanging out.  We also spend a lot of time together as a family.  My mom, brother and stepdad are great.  My Mom and I have a great relationship also, and I love spending time with my little brother.





Message Emote
July 27, 2005, 7:50 am CDT

To Puptent and cdringl


I'm sure your stepkids will realize what you have done for them when they are older.  It was only in the past few years that I started to realize what my parents and grandparents (Mom's parents) have done for me.  I didn't even trust  my stepdad until I was a little older.  On the weekends, he would take me and my Mom to the park to play basketball and when we weren't doing that we were playing with my koosh basketball that he gave me.  The only reason it took me so long to trust him is because before my Mom and I met him, my Mom was married to someone (x-stepdad) who physically abused my Mom and hated me.  I REALLY adore and look up to my stepdad that I have now.  Now that I know that I can trust him and feel safe around him, we get along great.  My stepdad told me that he would do anything to protect me and has shown me this.  My grandparents have stepped up for me as well. 



My biological father is actually not a part of my life.  He moved away to live with his finace leaving me and his other daughter who is still a minor behind.  I consider my parent figures to be my parents (mom/stepdad) and my grandparents.   




Message Emote
July 27, 2005, 12:45 pm CDT


I am actually not a mother, but I have a toddler brother that is 20 years younger than me.  The best advice I have gotten is from Dr. Phil and Dr. Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block, Happiest Toddler on the Block).  I actually bought Family First because I am like a second mother to my brother.  I apply both Dr. Phil and Dr. Karp's advice and it works wonders. 




Message Emote
July 27, 2005, 7:11 pm CDT


Quote From: cdringl

The weekend of September 9 - 12, 2004 David and I had Ashley and the boys. Like it has been for almost 3 months. Which has been wonderful but, Dave and I needed a break: We decided about a month maybe longer than that to take some time off for us. So I took some vacation for the 18 - 20th of September off.  ­


Anyhow this weekend of the 9th September Ashley and I got into an argument. We yelled as each other I was trying to introduce her to some young ladies. And she just ignored them as if she was better than them. She yelled back saying your not my mother you don't have to tell me what to do. I said I didn't care if was you mother or not this is my house and you need to respect it. And she said this is my Dad's house too. I said, that's right 50 and 50 Ashley. I am your Dad will be together forever and she rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. We yelled at each other we hated each other. I called her a spoiled brat and a witch and she was just like her Mom. (As her Mom acts like she is better than everybody). Anyhow I left the kids room and said you're just a witch Ashley. And slammed my bedroom door. I was in my room just fuming; I was frustrated with my actions and myself. I didn't know what to do so I opened my bedroom door and Ashley yells did you tell my Dad about how the guy at the swimming pool flirted with you all those times. I said, yes and called Dave's name went into the front room. Dave just raised his hands, as he didn't want to be a part of it. I still said do your remember me telling you of that guy flirting with me and I called you on the cell phone and asked you to come over. He said yes quietly I realized I was being childish I picked my keys up and left to the store. The only thing I remember buying was Carmel Candy Apples for all of us. When I came back home I went in and apologized to Ashley. That I had no right to yell at her and or call her names and that I was very sorry and I loved her no matter if she likes me or not as she is Dave's child. I said, I have ruined it for us again haven't I and she shrugged her shoulders and said. I was just telling my Mom I was started to like you and that we were getting along. I assured her she was not a water faucet that her feelings you don't just turn off. That goes with the flow of emotions. That she could still like me and be mad at me. And she didn't say anything; I know I really hurt her feelings.



She had brought up earlier during this that I called her a bitch I said no Ashley I would never call you a bitch she had said what ever. She said I have a Mom and a Dad that take care of me and tell me what to do. I said fme I don't need to do anything for her anymore. No more Christmas presents from me nor birthday presents and gifts her and their. She said I don't care. This had hurt.



Now that I am typing all this I keep remembering things. So I will just keep adding more.







When I went to the store that evening I believe it was a Saturday evening when that had all happened. I called my sister in law because I knew she had been a stepchild and I needed some insight. She just told me to remember what her step mom told me. Stop trying so hard. Its like you just give up on her. And she will come around. I had told her I know I was in the wrong about yelling at her and calling her names. And she said well you know what you did wrong. Now you just need to let things calm down and do what you said, don't buy her things. Don't go out of your way for her. Because that will make her realize how much she does like the little things you do. She remembered as a child in her step home of all of the little arguments.



 Anyhow after work Sunday I came home and Asked Ashley if she felt better about our yelling at each other if she had got all her feelings out. She giggled and said yes. I said me too but we need to figure away to tell each other our feelings to each other. When

Ashley and I talked I opened a little white board I bought for a buck. I wrote on it. Ashley's yelling board. I told her this was her board for yelling when she needed to tell me her feelings of what I have done to hurt her. She liked it and said thanks we hung it on the side of the fridge. She got a big smiled we hugged and I kissed the top of her forehead. She got a call from her Mom; I kind of held my breath. Because I knew how Heather would react she would yell at Dave and than he wouldn't be able to see Ashley unless I wasn't around. Anyhow when she got off the phone. Dave and I said at the same time, " what did your Mom say about the fight"? (Not the exact wording). She said I didn't tell her which Dave and I looked at each other in astonishment. Why we asked, and she said [don't want Mom to get mad. I said, oh does this mean its none of her business and we get to keep this to our selves. She said yep and looked at Dave and said that means you Dad you can't tell Mom.



Well Dave took her home and I put my boys to bed. When he got home we went to bed.



Tuesday, I took the boys to the library. Dave brought home Ashley's computer to fix it.



Wednesday, Dave stopped at Heathers and re-hooked up Ashley's DVD up. And told Heather no kids this weekend. And she got mad and started yelling those boys see you all week and Ashley waits all week to see you that's bullshit. Dave just left the Apartment while she was still yelling (this is Dave's side of story to me I wasn't there)



Thursday I got up in the morning got the boys off too school they like to go early with there mends so they can play. I got too the school 9 o'clock. Volunteered until 12.40pm



I stated in Tyler's class. Mr. Page had me take a group of kids out in the hall and had them read and helped them with there homework pages for reading. Than after recess I helped Mr. Page with Math with the pupils. Walked around the classroom and made sure they knew how to do what he was teaching. And than I took a study group and helped them. Than 10 after 12 I went to Mrs. Davis classroom and corrected papers. She went took lunch at 12.30 I left at 12.40 after I had put the percentages on all the paper's I corrected.




Date: Subject:



September 16, 2004

The day Norma and Heather beat me until I was black and blue



Where to start is the hardest in all my life. I know I can put this together but it won't be in order. I only remember bits and pieces here and there as I was knocked unconscious 2 times during this scariest event of my life. I'm probably going to type write from my journal that way it won't be so emotional for me.



I was walking to my car and Heather called me she sounded upset (crying) and in pain. She said, " Carlinda I need my prescriptions and my Mom and Aunt are gone", could you help me get them? (Her Mom, Granny and or Aunts they all just had to be right there not matter what. Heather use to talk about wanting to just move and get away from them all. I use to feel bad for her as she didn't have any friends just family but, I had the same problem other than I have a best friend Wendy I never get to see just call or email all the time now that she lives in Sandy) " I said, " sure where the smiths pharmacy?" She said, "yes but you will need to come get me my prescriptions are here." I said, "Sure I will be there in a minute". My Dad's caseworker: Lisa Anderson (veterans hospital) was clicking on the other line. I talk to her or called her back can't remember and told her I was going to be late I was going to take a friend to get prescriptions as her vehicle was broke down. She said sure I ended up calling my Mom back as she had been trying to call me this morning. Told her the same thing but, told her it was Heather. Told her I didn't want to I really wanted to work on the boundaries but I don't want to be rude either. I didn't give my Mom room to respond as she was always telling me to stay away. But Heather had been baptized I really thought we were really becoming friends. I had forgiven her from 3 years ago May of 2001 for coming over with her huge cousin Lacy and beaten me up. Anyhow I got a call back from the caseworker, as she had to tell me some financial things that my Dad was doing for me.



I got off the phone ran up the stairs of Heathers apartment knock on the door. She opens the door with her hand on her forehead as if she has a headache. She had on a blue t-shirt that looked pretty wrinkled. I grabbed the doorknob to lean on as my back was bothering me. Really I think it was my kidneys. Anyhow I noticed the blinds were closed which

Was unlike Heather so I knew she had to be in pain. (Now that I think about it her house looked immaculate like she just cleaned it. She is obsessive compulsive, but when she is down she usably doesn't have her dishes done there usually on the counter or stove that I usually notice. And or her laundry is on the ground in a basket ready to be folded. These

Are usually the times I come over and help her with her laundry and or her dishes? After we have went to some place like Taco Bell or Del Taco, which is something I never did until we became friends. I had an issue with those places where I wouldn't eat but she got me into them. Just like scary movies I use to hate them with a passion and now I like them. I can't remember if she had pants or shorts on I think Levis on and her white tennis shoes. S0 she looked ready.


Anyhow She said, "Come in and sit down". I hesitated, as I wanted to just get going. I had plans with my Dad and I didn't want to disappoint him as I have done that in the past.



Heather shut the door as I stepped to the couch. Her Mom came rushing down the call put her finger in my face and yelled, "SIT DOWN". It scared me I ran to the door but, Heather was there and Heather Mom had screamed Heather lock the door. Looked at me and said, now you’re in my place. All of sudden they were both yelling what did you do to Ashley. All of sudden I was punched in the face. I grabbed my cell phone was able to push 911 send but, someone grabbed my cell phone. (I looked at my cell phone history later on and my emergency call was 10 seconds long started at 12.54 pm) I remember saying you guys can't do this to me your going to get in trouble. And Norma or Heather said, "No you're in our place you broke in and your going to jail. I just started to cry and scream for help. They kept yelling I couldn't answer their questions. I started screaming for help they just kept punching me. Some how I lost conscious. When I came too I was in the kitchen lying on the lanolin. I looked up grabbed Heathers food case down to use it to rush out of the apartment but Heather used it against me. Landed on me with it. Started punching me in the arms and face. I kept screaming help me. I can't remember how but the rack came off of me I kept scooting around as they kicked me or punched me in the head. I was close to the door at the end of the couch. I was going to try to jump up and get out but, Heather must of known what I was about to do because she straddled me. And started to use my hair to hold me and hit my head against the floor. I just felt like I was going to die. I cried and asked, " Jesus to please help me". They both said I was to evil for Jesus to help me". They said some awful things. I started kicking thinking kick the wall the neighbors would hear. But my foot kept going through the wall. Norma said, "Heather she is putting a whole in your wall"> Heather said, "That's okay she will pay for it". And boom she had my hair and smashed my face into the ground hard I thought for sure my nose was broke but it was just bleeding everywhere. I couldn't help to blow my nose on the floor. And move my head. For that she smashed my face into the ground again. Again it seem like the blood couldn't come out fast enough I blew my nose again on the floor. (What was I to do swallow my own blood and end up really sick) Again slammed I believe two more times in the ground. I decided I'd better not do anything. Heather got off me but I was so weak I couldn't barley lift my head. I felt very dizzy. I scooted further away from the door. In the middle of the front room Heather's Mom and her were still yelling at me I was still yelling for help. I stopped yelling and I got sleepy I actually tried to breath and closed my eyes. When I came to Heather had me by my hair. And my head was facing the couch. Norma was looking at me I started to scream again. And Norma looked down at me and said, "Boo woo poor baby". This made me very mad I said, you guys are going to be so much trouble. They tried to remind me that I was in their house. I said, I have money I can get a lawyer and he will prove it. Heather said, oh yea you work at Verizon Wireless you make so much money. I said, " No Heather, you were my mend don't you remember my Daddy has money". They both looked at each other. Heather pounded me in the face. And it had to me Norma because Heather was lying on me. But I got kicked in the abdomen. I screamed and cried and yelled for help.



Norma pulled her thong off and kept hitting me with her thong on my already banged up head. I finally had enough of her and I tried to kick at her, which was ridiculous Heather was lying on me. When I tried to kick at her I shattered some glass. And Heathers' Mom said, I would kill her for that Heather. Kill her Heather and Heather kept punching me in the face and smashing my face into the ground. I finally decided I was not getting out of here. I tried not to struggle but, I couldn't breath Heather pulled me away from the

Entertainment center. And just laid on me I bit and she started punching me in the forehead. I finally let go when I realized I could end up having her blood in my mouth.







During all of this I believe I spat off a few choice words. I remember Norma leaning down saying boo woo baby keep crying someone will be here soon to take you away. (or something like that).




I remember saying something to Norma. Asked her what her problem was with me? Are you


jealous you never made anything of yourself? I said all you people want is money and you don't want to work for it. They laughed scenically and Heather said, "Carlinda you're the one that only cares about money that's why you work instead of staying at home with your two boys that hate you anyways. They told Ashley they hate you. I screamed she was a liar. And that they loved me and I work but I also volunteer at my boy's school tOQ. I told her Ashley was going to be mad about this. And she said Ashley would be happy when she finds out. And said don't worry Dave and you will never see Ashley again because were moving out of state and no one will ever know where we will be again. That Ashley hates me anyways and always has ...




I remember during this I told them I called Ashley a spoiled brat and a witck And I got punched in the face. No matter what I said they just kept punching or kicking at me.




I remember at one time Norma was standing with the door open on Ashley's pink telephone. I screamed as loud as I could help me they are beating me help me. But Heather just punched me in the face and told me she was getting me back for ruining there lives. I said how have I done that. And she said all the times you were mean to me. The way you treat Ashley. (I just couldn't believe my ears just 3 weeks ago I broke my promise to my counselor that I would work on my boundaries and I had Heather over to hot tub with me. Before she did we were on the phone a good 2 or 3 hours.) Heather yelled at Norma to shut the door.




I remember something that seemed odd Norma told Heather to take her shoes off. I saw Norma with some white tennis shoes and she put by the door. And I think she opened the blinds too. Than they opened the door and the police officers came up the stairs Heather was still laying on me.




I responded to the police officers I needed medical attention. I remember bits and pieces of information. I remember that the police officer wouldn't let me use my cell phone to call my husband or my Dad as he was waiting for me.






I would be very upset.  As Dr. Phil says "You don't burden kids with adult issues."  He also says if one parent talks bad about the other parent to the child that before the parent's death they will feel the resentment of that from the child. 

My stepdad is really into self-help, psychology and Anthony Robbins kinda stuff.  My stepdad told me that no one controls my feeling except for me.  Life's about choices and that there's constructive and destructive behavior.  My stepdad also says that how fast you get mad is a sign of intelligence. 

I think that the other person was definately in the wrong. 

Off the subject, but you said that things are 50/50 with your husband.  Dr. Phil says it's 100/100.  




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