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July 25, 2005, 10:16 am CDT

Sad Grandmother

Dear Dr. Phil and others,


I was a single mother who worked hard to raise my three sons. I held two jobs, ran carpools, ran the household, and got them scholarships every summer to attend camp. I look back and wonder how I did it!


I thought my relationship with my oldest son was solid. It was until he married four years ago. Now he is allied with his wife - as he should be. But his wife wants nothing to do with his family. After the birth of their first son she wrote me a letter telling me that I ruined the most important days in her life - her wedding day and the birth of her son. And now I should stop contacting her. "When my son is 18 he can decide whether he wants a relationship with you." Huh? 


Without going in to her reasons, the end result is that I never saw my grandson after the day he was born. And now a second son has been born. I was told about it in a phone call.


How can a loving son make such strange choices? He is living a script that he mis-interpreted when he was yound and without a dad in the house. He denies his sons access to a loving grandmother, and treats me with such disrespect.  He does call me periodically and on the phone tells me he "loves" me. "Mom, you were great. You raised three sons alone. I don't know how you did it?" He doesn't get it.


I am so very confused. I have a wonderful relationship with my middle son's wife, and my youngest son and I are close - he is single. All of them live far from me, and I live alone recreating my life, but wondering if others have these kinds of experiences as the mothers of sons.






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