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Topic : 07/04 Old Flames

Number of Replies: 182
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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:49:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/13/06) Staying in touch with your old flame isn't a problem -- unless it interferes with you and your spouse! Susan says her husband, Fred, has a lot of ex-girlfriends and still flirts with them. Fred says his wife is overreacting, and they are just old friends. Is it OK to grab a cup of coffee with an ex when your spouse isn't invited? And, Suzie kept breaking up with her boyfriend when things got too serious, and then taking him back. Tired of being rejected, he finally ended the relationship. Now, Suzie wants her old flame back! What does Dr. Phil think she should do? Plus, one man reunited with his long lost love after being apart for over 60 years! Don't miss this very special love story. Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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January 13, 2006, 12:51 pm CST


Quote From: ea_orr

 Last August my divorce from my first husband was final.  In October my old college flame phoned me.  He called because he wanted to apologize for leaving me the way he did.  The way he remembered it he had simply walked away with no explanation.  That's not the way it happened.  He told me that he would never say "I love you" unless he honestly meant it; he told me he had to move to a different city for his job and was not, at that time, ready for a permanent relationship.  It was very hard but I accepted it and figured I'd never hear from him again.  Now he's back and ending a bad marriage.  I'm trying hard not to get too involved because I don't want any of the people involved to get hurt.  What I find...strange (for lack of a better word) that we feel the same way about each other as we did 30 years ago when we were dating.  So now we're taking our time and getting re-acquainted with each other and it's wonderful.  
LUCKY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 13, 2006, 1:20 pm CST


I saw my old flame at a HS reunion. After 20 years I felt the same electricty and all that I always had.  We have written, talked and met, which isn't easy because we live 1000 miles apart. Neither of us know where this will end.  I know how I feel and I know how he feels. I truely care for him, and always have. For now I have to accept the situation the way it is because he has made it clear he won't leave his wife. I too have a loving husband and family but for some reason, when it comes to him all reason flies out the window.  We are both grandparents for gods sake!!! For now he is my special secret....My "Same time next year" vacation....How did I let this get in the middle of my life? He fills a need that no one else can....Help us both!
January 13, 2006, 1:22 pm CST

don't go back!!!

I think that second guest, Suzie,  wants her old boyfriend back not because she truly loves him, but because she misses the yo-yo game she had going with him.  He has taken back his power and I think she can't handle it. I hope he will keep a huge distance.  If he were to go back to her, she would dump him yet again.  She does not seem to know what she wants at all, and he would be better off with someone less dizzy.
January 13, 2006, 1:22 pm CST

Dr Phil Show.

Doctor Phil. You need tro go to Http://WWW.Classmate.Com and see if you can find old flame 

yourself. Doctor Phil you can also sign up for Http://WWW.Classmate.Com E-Mail Newslette- 

r by adding your E-Mail address and it will give you a E-Mail Newsletter to your Inbox aswell.- 

Good luck but just remember that you are still married to Robin as your wife. Well I had bet- 

ter close now. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------- 

January 13, 2006, 1:23 pm CST


Dr. Shirley Glass wrote a book titled "Not Just Friends".  The book talks a lot about boundaries and how affairs happen.  I discovered this book after I found out that my husband was having a long term affair with a women.  When I asked him who she was, he said "a friend".   


If the wife can't be there when her husband and another woman meet for lunch or dinner, then he shouldn't go.  That is if the wife wants to be there.  If there is nothing going on, the husband or the other woman should have no problem with his wife being there. 

January 13, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

Hey Fred!

Imagine my surprise when I saw you on Dr. Phil!!! For the rest of the people reading this, I knew Fred several years ago when I lived in his town. I wasn't a "girlfriend", just a good friend. Fred is a REAL people person and is a friend to everyone. He has been highly visible in his hometown for years. He is very involved in many philanthropic groups, headed up the annual Duck's Limited banquet (which is how I got to know him) for years, and is a WAY good water color artist. In this town, even after living there for a short time, you will know "everyone". Maybe he has to set some boundaries regarding being a listening ear for some women, but Susan, get used to it. This is the Fred you married and you knew his gregarious nature when you married him! The best to you, Fred! Dori
January 13, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

Looking for my first love

I have been looking for  my old love for about 5 yrs since the lost of my husband. He called me and wanted to date  about 8 yrs ago. Since I was  married I said no. But since the lost of my husband of 20 yrs I would like to get in touch with him and see how he is doing.. Seeing a show like todays makes me even try harder to find him. Glen if you by chance are seeing this get in touch with me. We dated back in the late 70's  I have tryed so many sites to find him and I hope one day I will find  him .
January 13, 2006, 1:35 pm CST

01/13 Old Flames

My first or second love (I forget)   broke off with me because I bought him a christmas present that was too expensive.  (It was a $12.00 Dollar General Coat)  A few days after christmas, he joined the Navy.  If I were to meet up with Jim, I would say "THANK YOU!!!!"  If he hadnt broke up with me, I would probably ended up married to him and I would have missed out on the wonderful life I have.  I would have had to deal with the alcohol problems in his house and he helped me come to know sometimes the very worst time becomes the best, so "THANKS JIM AND I HOPE YOU FIND WHAT I HAVE SOMEDAY!!" 


January 13, 2006, 1:38 pm CST

Lost and Found Love

Lee and Helen's story was so sweet!  It was so touching.  I was nice to see something possitive for a change!!!!!!  Congrats!!!!
January 13, 2006, 1:41 pm CST

01/13 Old Flames

Quote From: dixiebrit

Old flames are great if you are both single and free, but when others (spouses, children) are involved, perhaps they should fade into the background gracefully.  Sure, we all have a history, myself included.  I had a wonderful boyfriend years ago.  We were very close and came close to being more than just dates occassionally.  However, once he married another woman, I stayed out of his life.  Even though he was miserable (and several mutual friends informed me of this), I stayed out of it.  It was not my place to mess with his marriage.  Now that he is divorced, he has contacted me, but I am no longer free.  I have been friendly, but not taken it back to what it was, simply because I have a greater interest in being honest with my husband.  He is the man I made my vows with and who has the right to expect my fidelity.  I will always give him this.

Another problem I have is that my husband has a "flame" in his past that never really got started.  It never ceases to amaze me to know that my husband is crazy about this woman, now married with two children, who has never really given him the fulfillment that he thinks she has.  She is the most coniving and self-serving person I have ever met, and pretty much kept him on the string, both before and after our marriage, as a her "boyfriend in a jar" for whenever she was bored or wanted someone to do something for her.  She buddied up to my mother-in-law in order to secure a bequest in the will.  She is totally faithful to her husband as far as the actual sex act is concerned, but has few female friends because she always cozies up to their hubbies in order to get loads of attention.  She is the type of woman most women hate -- rubbing her body up and down to get attention and asking every male in the room if she looks too fat having recently given birth, etc., flirting blatantly and then dissing the wives whenever she gets a chance. 

Thankfully, we have now moved hundreds of miles away from this person and she has not nearly the access to my darling hubby she did.  However, I recently (by accident because he left it up on my computer) found out that  he had been corresponding with her by email.  I didn't want to know it. 

He seems to still think she is his ideal, although he loves me and our two children.  He talks about getting together with her when both their spouses die, something I find very upsetting.  Her replies to him have been friendly but not that interested, but she usually throws in something that keeps him looking for this love affair that was never there.  He told me once that they did try to make it something more than friends, but it didn't work out and she really wasn't interested in him.  He, on the other hand, carried a torch for her for years and kept seeing her after she married someone else because SHE instigated it -- her husband works odd hours and she was "bored".    I finally had to tell him that I didn't wish to see her or hear her name mentioned ever again, because of things she had done when I was out  of our home at church or other appointments.   I also felt that she was a major cause of dissension between us. 

I prefer to try and treat him with positive reinforcement.  He doesn't know that I know about this and I choose not to make it a fight and a big issue.  Still, I cannot deny that I am very hurt by the knowledge that he has kept in touch with her this past year since our move.  If she were a decent woman, she would realize that she owes her own husband a great deal more respect and that this correspondence must stop.  However, I cannot hope for decency on her part, so I figure I can only kill her memory with loving kindness.  He never had from her what he thinks he had, but he HAS had a very loving relationship with me and will continue to do so if I can help it. 

I would like some ideas on how to get this woman out of his life without contacting her (wouldn't do any good and she would probably tell him all about it) or letting on to him and perhaps having a big unnecessary fight.  Any pertinent suggestions would be helpful.  Thanks.

First, I  would like to say that you are a much better woman than I am.  I don't believe I could be so understanding. My only advice is love your husband but don't let him hurt you. I would definitly bring up the e-mailing. You don't have to fight, just talk about how it makes you feel and if he loves you he will listen. I wouldn't contact her because it will only cause more problems. And truthfully, it has nothing to do with her it is between you and your husband. She and other women like her need to understand that a marriage is something sacred and they have no place trying to be a part of it. 

Hope everything works out for you, you sound like a wonderful person. 

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