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Topic : 06/05 Conception Deception

Number of Replies: 706
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Created on : Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 03:23:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/28/05) What if your husband tricked you into getting pregnant? What if your wife lied to you and got pregnant? First, Stacy didn't tell Derek she went off birth control until after she got pregnant. He thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her but now feels trapped. When Stacy reveals the real reason she went off birth control, will Derek decide to stay in the marriage, or is it over? Next, Steve got Mary pregnant so that she would marry him. Since they've had more than one unplanned child, how does he keep getting her pregnant, and is he trying to trap her? Share your thoughts.

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November 28, 2005, 6:55 am CST

11/28 Conception Deception

I agree and think once someone gets married and it is all new and wonderful it is hard enough to figure out how to go from being boyfriend/girlfriend to be coming a husband or wife and the dynamics are different no matter what some may think.



So I think the struggles to become husband and wife and getting to know each other on that level alone is huge, but then try to be a husband/wife and daddy/mommy all in the same year would puts even more pressure on the marriage to work so what I was saying and asking at the same time is……One thing to plan a wedding and get married because your in love & friendship and want to be together and all the work it takes alone to make it work and that being the foundation of the marriage taking place.



I did it all in the “right order” got married waited almost 3 years to  “plan” the baby we wanted and it still didn’t work, so trust me I know it still doesn’t guarantee it all working



out to the fairy tail ending.



So the question I am asking is when you base the marriage on a baby on the way are the chances any higher or lower of it working out then if we try to do things in what the world thinks is the correct order?



And again I was wondering what the woman are thinking when there is no talk of marriage, so say they are dating or I hope so anyway and she does become pregnant(I do realize she wouldn’t get pregnant by herself) and he says something along the line “well maybe we should get married” and she jumps and says “yes or “ok” and runs with the wedding plans….why would the woman settle for that and not think the foundation of the marriage was based on that alone and why would she want someone to marry her for that reason? I am just trying to understand what they are thinking or not.



As I stated before that has been the foundation of many peoples marriages that I personally know and none has worked to this day.



But I too am a woman and I don’t understand. Marriage alone is hard enough on its own and if it doesn’t work it is your own heartache but when the man/woman “tricks” the other person the babies pay the price in the end, because people move on to other relationships but the childrens parents are still their parents they don’t get that choice.



Quote~ when I was in college we looked at birth and marriage records and found that 50% of all first babies born in the 1950s were born less then 8 months after the marriage.   





Once we hit 1990 there should be no such thing as “unplanned” pregnancies and doing the right thing…and in this day and age why would the women settle for less.



We can do it on our own and their can still be a father involved, like I said if you’re the father/mother nothing can change that with a marriage license or not….so be a parent



to your child and raise a healthy child with out “Your” issues about the relationship and the rights or wrongs of it taking place or not.But if your married already why do you need to "trick" your husband or wife into having a get them to stay with already have them of their own free will ??? 

Children are gifts from god and should be treated like the perfect presents they are….in a married relationship or not.





Warm Regards,






November 28, 2005, 7:18 am CST

What about the fact that she lied??

Quote From: tensnut90

Until men take as much blame for having sex and getting pregnant it is a shame.  It takes two no matter what.  Men need to realize they cause the babies and never marry anyone or have sex with anyone they don't intend to marry.

 It took two to get pregnant but only one to lie about the birth control. 

I do not think that this guy should have married her just because she was pregnant. I can even see what you are saying as it relates to the fact that yes life would be easier if people only had sex with people they intended to marry. 


However, I do not think that should mitigate the fact that this woman was so deceptive all through the marriage. She was not even to be totally honest on the stage and wou ld have denied what she had confessed if Dr. Phil had not confronted her with a video of her statements. 


All of that aside, it would have been easier if he had just continued to wear a condom. However, he cannot take the blame for trusting her with the truth when he asked her whether or not she was on birth control. 

November 28, 2005, 7:40 am CST

I am sad and worried for the child

I am so sad for all the children who have been brought into these deplorable situations. 


However, I am equally sad and worried for the child born to the first mother. 

If her moral compass is so far off as to allow her to do the things she did in this relationship, to tell the lies, to continue to live the lies, and to allow this man to marry her due to her deception, what chance does this child have for growing up without a warped sense of right and wrong and with a good self image because not person who respects and loves themselves could lie and manipulate to "hold onto" a man or woman. It is as if she was saying this is the only way I can get someone to love me. I am not good enough as I am. 


I cannot repect this woman. I cannot even feel sorry for her. The life she has is the one she chose. Yes the man should have used a condom but let's be honest, when we are involed with another person, we tend to trust in them and in what they say. That trust is the basis of the whole relationship thing isn't it? 


She never seemed truly remorseful for what she had done, even at the end of the broadcast just looking at her face I came away with the idea that she was just concerned about whether or not she would be able to hold onto the marriage. Not address the fallout of her behaviour. 


I hope that the counseling helps her husband deal with the trust issues that he will no doubt have after this, so that he can go forward without seeing every woman as some dishonest version of this wife.  


November 28, 2005, 7:48 am CST

11/28 Conception Deception

You know WE LIVE IN A VERY BIG WORLD.  And for as many people who say they don't want kids you will find just as many who will say they do want kids and adore them! 
November 28, 2005, 7:49 am CST


 As most of us agree, what's going on here isn't right, with the deception, and using an unwitting child as a pawn in an emotionally confused or emotionally void relationship...I'm not disagreeing with this, but in the case of the man who tricked his wife into pregnancy, why didn't she use another birth control method besides condoms? The pill made her sick, but are there other methods that may not have had such side effects?

She may be ultra sensitive, may have other health issues, or other moral issues with certain methods of birth control. I guess my only question is what did she do on her end to prevent unplanned pregnancies, because obviously her dinglefritz husband was of no help. 


That he would attempt to have sex with her while she's sleeping really bothers me. He was "loving" her?  Wouldn't it be more loving if both people were active participants?  I really don't think he gets that what he's done is wrong, and because he fails to see that, he's stil doing it, in my opinion. Even with five children, anything is better than where she's at, if they were to divorce.  


November 28, 2005, 7:58 am CST

Conseption Deception

Talk about "conseption Deception!"  My husband just found out last year that he was not the biological father of his 15 year old son.  Talk about setting a trap- his ex was the master of traps! 

November 28, 2005, 8:26 am CST

We are not talking about High School Students

Quote From: rabrog

It's very ignorant to say that all peopel who become pregnant allow it to happen.  Birth control pills and condoms are not 100% foolproof.  It goes back to unless you're ready for a kid, don't have sex.  That's the only way to be sure you don't get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. 



Jenn, we are talking about grown married people, not adolescents. Not all adults want to have children, or have a million kids. Many married people wait until their careers are established or only want one or 2 children for financial reasons. Some people want no children whatsoever. Of course birth control isn't 100%, but it is 99.9% effective. And when you combine different forms of birth control, (like the pill, spermicide, and a condom) and you come close to it being 100%. Also for most people who have birth control fail, they were generally using it wrong. (Yes, there is a right and wrong way to use a condom, or to take the pill.) Your advice is like telling people to not even to bother to wear their seatbelts because seatbelts are not 100% effective in saving your life. These measures are called precautions. 

November 28, 2005, 10:15 am CST

a baby in the first year??

Putting aside the lies and nonconsentual issues, how can anyone expect to have a good marriage when there is no time for the couple to build their foundation before there are babies.  My husband and I didn't decide to start our family until we had been married long enough to know that we were compatible and we knew we were ready to take on that challenge.  We had our careers started and we were living in a community where we wanted to stay. 


Even though our first child was born after our 9th anniversary, it was a big adjustment and we still had to overcome some issues. Planning on having a baby immediately after marriage sounds like you are asking for trouble.    


A happy and successful marriage isn't automatic, even when both spouses are completely into getting married.  Using pregnancy and trickery to trap someone into a marriage they otherwise wouldn't choose is a mistake. 

November 28, 2005, 10:26 am CST

Unplanned pregnancies aren't just about technology...

It isn't enought to have every possible birth control device available.  We have to make it "OK" to use them.  In my opinion, here in the US, we still have this "cowboy/baptist" attitude toward women.  A women (like me) who sees sex as her own choice, and birth control as just one more medical responsibility, is often labeled a (horrors!) feminist, ie. unnatural man-hater.  Catholic teaching (my own experience here) is STILL saying not to use birth control at all.  So a young girl who wants to keep a boyfriend will choose taking a chance over using birth control - somehow in a twisted patriarchal way, that's the less perverted choice!  Why isn't birth control FREE?  Why is Viagra covered and not birth control - hello!  Being married is no excuse for not protecting yourself.  In fact, being married makes accidental pregnancies more possible, right?  


In the end, I agree that people get what they bargain for.  If I had too many kids already, um, tubes tied / pill / depo provera already!  That way, a sneaky husband can get some fun, but no more kids! 

November 28, 2005, 10:43 am CST

I done it

I understand why they done it, I did it.  I got pregnant on purpose with my third child.  My first 2 are from my first marriage.  My thrid child is with my current husband, but I didn't not get pregnant to keep him.  I got pregnant on purpose because I saw how much he loved his kids and I wanted at least one of my kids to have a father that loved them that much.  And then I ended up marrying the father of my 3rd child.  I had no plans on marriage with him, not at first.  And then it became more of a way to make sure there would always be a roof over me and my children's heads.  He is a real responsible man.  I look back now, and I see that I mistook those other reason for love, or maybe I just tried to convince myself that it was love, either way I should not have done it.  Our relationship was great for a while. but for the past 5 yrs(we have been together for almost 11yrs), it has been getting increasingly worse.  We don't get along well anymore, we almost always argue, and he is always accusing me of doing things that I would never think about doing (heck if I even talk to another guy he thinks I want to have sex with that guy), and put downs.  I am really tired of his attitude and I am making plans to leave.  I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to really follow through.  But I can see and understand the reason why women, or men will try to get pregnant (or get their partner pregnant).   

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