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Topic : 11/11 Dating Disasters

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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:52:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

If you’ve been asking yourself "How can I find a man?" Dr. Phil's Dating 101 is for you! Lexi thinks her cousin, Angel, is too shallow because she will not date a man unless he's a perfect 10. Dr. Phil puts Angel to the test by setting her up on three blind dates — and she’s the blind one!  Then, meet Heather, 27, who wants her meddling mother to stop joining her on her dates! Her mom, Anita, says she enjoys being the third wheel and loves staying in touch with her daughter's ex-boyfriends. Dr. Phil challenges Anita to find three eligible bachelors for her daughter, go on dates with them, and then narrow it down to one lucky man!  Plus, a single woman wants to know why all her online dates just want to have sex.  Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.


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November 11, 2005, 11:16 am CST

11/11 Dating Disasters

Quote From: chicyuna

 I haven't seen today's show yet, but I just wanted to say a couple of things about online dating. I've been giving it a go for the past couple of years now, but I have currently decided to try to meet someone in more "conventional" means. However, I have met some really nice guys online. Of course though, after talking to them online, we always met in person. I think looking online for someone is a good way to know who's out there too. I don't go to the bars (I try to stay as far away from them as possible), I don't go to single dances, and I'm not part of a church or any other organization, so how else would I meet people? Sure, I have friends who have male friends, but all their male friends are either attatched, or not looking. So I think there's nothing wrong with trying to find someone online. I know many people who are happily married to someone they've met online. You just gotta be careful about it though. I mean, obviously if and when you do meet the person, NEVER meet at their place or privately. ALWAYS meet them in a public place, like a coffee shop or something. And NEVER give your address over the net or anything else that's personal. Because you really don't know who you're talking to. I've had guys who, within the first few minutes of talking to them, they get all sexual on me. I just tell them goodbye, and I block and delete them. Obviously guys like that are not interested in getting to know me as a person, so why should I get to know them as a person? Anywho, I'm just going on and on here. Oh, I also wanted to say that eharmony does not work. I put in my profile once, and it came up saying something like, "Sorry, there is no one matching you. Please try again later." Something like that. It made me laugh actually. LOL. I guess I'm just too unique to find someone like me on that site! Now, if only I can find a guy who's profile came up with the same messege.. hmmmmmm.....:P

Eharmony will match you if you sign up with a paying membership.  I found it to be very time intensive and did not do a good job of screening potential matches because of all the stupid, deep questions you are asking someone who has no vested interest to reply with the truth.  They've never met you - why should they feel the need to be more truthful, rather than to trying to answer in a way that will impress.  Really, who likes walks on the beach at midnight?  I live 2 miles from the beach and I have NEVER done that.  Nor would I want to.   


Other thoughts on eharmony - you will also get matches if you are willing to get to know people half way across the country.  When I expanded my "distance of willing to date" I got lots of responses.  But, again - how realistic is that?  I gave up on eharmony.  And, you probably are too unique - but there are better sites out there.  I think us women need to help each other, because online dating is really tough.  But we (30 and 40 somethings) are not meeting men in our day to day lives.  We just aren't.   And, at our age, we have soooooo much more to offer a man because this is the age when we get it.  We get ourselves, our needs and our wants.   To have all that clarity and not be in a great relationship is very difficult.   When we were in our 20's we didn't know half as much as we know now...  and I was constantly getting dates.  Oh well.   


Keep with it - I think you just need to "run the numbers" when you are online dating.  If you sense something it not right, it probably isn't.... move on till you find the right one.  Learn to screen - the online mentioning of sex too early is a great indication he's a creep.  I only hope I didn't toss aside the right one!   LOL.  Maybe I am shallow. 

November 11, 2005, 11:58 am CST

11/11 Dating Disasters

Quote From: kimba2

What a miss this show was!!  I watched it because I am single and wanting to be in a relationship.  I am currently using and wonder why when you meet someone in person does the chemistry not happen.  Now, sometimes it does - but sometimes a great rapport online will fizzle when you meet in person.  I have wondered and wondered if I am shallow and that the guys looks or my looks ruin it.   

Well, Dr. Phil - you had a chance to answer my question and YOU BLEW IT!!  What sense did it make to pick the two white guys to even participate in your little experiment?  They were not short, black or eyes close together.  You did not teach Lexi ANYTHING!  In fact, you confirmed her belief that a white, good-looking tall guy with eyes appropriately spaced is indeed "into" dating her!!   


I realize that some guys I meet are toads and I walk away after the first date and continue to look.  I am tall, 5'10" and want someone taller than me... I do not want to feel "bigger" than the guy I am interested in.  But, Dr. Phil, the real issue here is the worth us single women feel in ourselves.  I have my own house, my own car, dogs I love and am comfortable.  But Lexi was a mess.  She has not only an unrealistic view of love, life and men - but of herself, as well!  You didn't even go there.   


That's the answers I want.  Am I the toad?  <<Probably>> Do all guys online want the trophey date?  Or am I unrealistic?  Is the world not ready for me to meet a decent man or is it my fault?  Or am I shallow and self-sabotaging myself like Lexi is because in reality we are both not ready to be in a loving respectful relationship probably because we do not respect ourselves.  Dr. Phil you had a chance to give the world some of those answers (and all of us dating online have them about that instant yuck you get when you meet someone in person after having a good online introduction)....  You only reinforced Lexi's problems.  And, answered none of my lingering questions about dating and men. 


Sorry - I was referring to Angel, Lexi's friend.
November 11, 2005, 12:03 pm CST

11/11 Dating Disasters

As an over 30 male, divorced, employed professional, church going, non drinking, father of one who does not want to date till my son graduates from high school. I find it is not that hard to enjoy the life I have,  where I am today.   


I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I miss having a relationship with someone I can trust with my heart.  And to have no one to share my thoughts, feelings, and dreams with is a form of pain I find hard to put into words.  It is a lonely life I have but to be available 24/7 to my son as he grows up, is more important at this time.  


I get to talk and socialize with a lot of single, widowed, divorced men I would  be proud to introduce to my sister.  So I thought I would share the words of many single men who don't date. 


With a world that produces attitudes like this in Good men.  The pool of available men for dating is severely depleted leaving too many men I would not want my sister dating or marrying. 


But I am shocked the number of women who don't realize how many men don't want anything more to do with women.  Here are some hard comments I have heard repeated from single male friends about dating, being married and women. 


1.  I would give a million dollars to bring my deceased wife back, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one. 


2.  What do you call a wife who has the attitudes and actions of an abusive husband? 


3.  All women are controling and vindictive if you don't do what they want. 


4.  Show me a husband who can have a two way discussion with his wife about her opinion during one of her moods. 


5.  If I have to be accountable to everything my wife says, I expect her to be responsible for everything she says. 


6.  Why would I want a relationship with a woman who won't show the same respect and interest in my interests, as she expects me to show in her and her interests. 


7.  I am good enough to marry, why am I never good enough to be married too? 


8.  I have never met a woman who wants her husband to treat her and talk to her the way she treats and talks to him. 


9.  Why would I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with some woman's negative moods. 


10.  Show me a woman who is strong enough to be kind and I will ask her to marry me. 


11.  Go into a primary gradeschool or churchschool and ask the children who makes the decisions in their home, mom, dad, or mom and dad.   They will say mom makes all the decisions.  Then ask them what happens when dad disagrees with mom.  The answer is that mommy will get real mad at dad and there will be a terrible fight. 


12.  I have been on church retreats and have asked the other men how they make decisions in their marriage?  At the beginning of the retreat the answer is that they will discuss the question and come to a decision together.   

By the end of the retreat and the men trust and open up - the question "who makes the decisions in your house?  The men answer, my wife makes the decisions. The men are then asked, But what if you disagree?  They answer I never disagree unless it is really important.  Why don't you disagree?  And the men answer,  My wife will take it personally.  What does that mean?  They reply my wife will start saying every hurtful thing she can to push my buttons,  and she doesn't get what she wants she will start throwing things or hitting me.  And it is World War III or the Cold War for a long time.  What happens if you apologize?  My wife won't accept an apology for a long time until she believes I understand how much I have disrespected and hurt her.   




November 11, 2005, 12:25 pm CST

Totally SHALLOW! How awful!!!!

I don't know what made Lexi think that she is all she seems to think she is.  To be honest, even though she SAYS that she believes she is every mans dream, I believe deep down inside of her she doesn't feel that way AT ALL--- Hard to believe after what we all just watched, right?  But it HAS to be true--- why?? Because she said that she would take ANY HOTT guy no matter HOW he treated her... What an awful thing to say about yourself!!!  If that's really how she feels, she should replace her ego with a BRAIN.  I'm just shocked to see someone (especially a WOMAN!) who's so shallow about what a man would look like....  And, in my opinion, Lexi is no complete fashion model... she isn't perfect in every way, none of us are... so that's horrible that she'd judge someone so superficially by their outer exterior.  



And for the mom who meddles, wow.... you gave your daughter's ex boyfriend a honeymoon in Hawaii?? WHY??  LOL  

November 11, 2005, 12:25 pm CST

How sad and apalling

Lexi (?) was very shallow and I did not feel anything she said about her dislike of African-American men was humorous.  I know the show was meant  to be lighthearted and kind of fun but I was extremely disappointed that this woman was allowed to get away with the things she had to say.  "Black men do not take women to nice places," (in her experience, therefore lump them all into one category). " Black men do not know how to swim," this is a fallacy that to me is another demeaning stereotype attached to African-Americans.  Of course she is not willing to change because she is "A perfect man's perfect ten" but unfortunately, she may have to learn the hard way that a pretty face is not the only criteria to picking a mate.  How sad for her.  I am an African-American woman and I am engaged to a very attractive, intelligent, well-spoken, kindhearted man.  Who happens to be an African-American, over six feet tall, with dreads, and is also by most standards overweight.  However, he is the best thing that has happened to me.  Hopefully Lexi will find someone, but until then maybe she will reevaluate herself after watching how ridiculous and shallow she appeared on the show. 

November 11, 2005, 12:41 pm CST

Blind Dates are worth it!

 I am watching todays show and can't  imagine my life with out my soul mate.   It not what a person looks like, how much money they have!   My 90 year old grandmother told me when I was a little girl that you will fall in love when your hearts skips a beat. 

I went on a blind date in the Summer 1982 and my heart skip!   The keeper of the stars were guiding us that night.  We were married in May 1984 and have a beautiful home and god has graced us with two wonderful children. 

We look back and think what if we said no to the blind date where would our lives be??  

We have grown together and have learn so much since.

We DREAM & LOVED one another through the hard times.  

God has a soul mate for each and everyone of us  :)


November 11, 2005, 12:54 pm CST

Online dating

I met my husband online without using a dating service.  We both chatted in the same chat room and started talking to each other.  He lived about 5 hours from me, so at Christmas break we met for dinner.  Since the chatroom was a local one and he knew the area, he started coming down for some get-togethers.  Soon, he was coming down every weekend.  We have been married for seven years and we didn't need "match makers" to help us find each other.  I guess my advice is be yourself and if you're going to post info about yourself, I agree with Dr. careful what you say! 

BTW, there is 20 years difference in age between my husband and myself and we have a wonderful life! 

November 11, 2005, 12:55 pm CST


Wow was she shallow. I felt absolutely no sympathy for her, and if she doesn't change she will end up single forever or in a miserable marriage. Even if she does find a "perfect 10" he's not going to be that way forever, people get OLD duh. Besides, she might have confidence, but her personality is one-dimensional and she's not that great a catch herself. 

November 11, 2005, 1:01 pm CST

Dr Phil Show.

Dear Doctor Phil. I think your dating system is ok by me but on other hand I donot date at all. Because I donot have time at all. See you soon. Friend Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------------
November 11, 2005, 1:05 pm CST

Online Dating DOES Work!!!!

After reading through the message boards I found many many people talking about how dating online doesn't work. One lady even refered to online dating as the equalivialit of a brothel!!!!!!!! How dare you!!! 


I've been married now for 14 months. I met my hubby online!!! We met and chatted online for 3 months until we felt there could be something more there than just an online buddy. I was living at home with my mom at the time, and when he agreed to meet in person he did it the most noble way! He came up (had to drive an hour) for church! So the first time we met face to face he met mom, pastor, and church family. Talk about guts! We went to lunch and hardly spoke we were so nervous, and of course that drove in seperate cars, at my mothers request. 


We dated for 6 months when he "popped the question" only after getting my mom's blessing. Not to mention the fact that we weren't interested in "getting physical" unless and until we were married. We waited until then, and it wasn't easy. 


I want people to know online dating can work, it's all about your intentions. I know people think that young people today are all about sex and anything physical. I want to say that is not all true, some of us take pride in ourselves and have morals. I was only 18 when I met my hubby, I was married a week before my 20th birthday. Many people said we'd never make, and yes, we do have our ups and downs, but we're in it for the long haul, we dont believe in divorce except in extreme situations. 

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