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Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Number of Replies: 358
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.


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November 9, 2005, 2:07 pm CST


Quote From: peepinbud

 Why doesnt Dr. Phil deal with this fact, that NO ONE would live at home given a choice? Many people CANT GET JOBS! or the pay is so low, they can't sustain even the most humble standard of living--ie keep rent paid and transportation. He calls them moochers while never facing the fact that the wages of todays especially entry level jobs are so low, no one can live on their own. What does a young adult do who makes so little money they have the choice between crawling to the ghetto, endangering their health or well-being or ending up in a shelter? Are those parents to tell them get out? 

 I believe the economic realities out there are ignored to the extreme. When most kids come crawling back home, they arent MOOCHERS, they are BROKE.  They are SICK, they are UNEMPLOYED.

I wish Dr. Phil would face the facts about the modern working world. That wages are so stagnant, people can barely make a living. Even older people are having a hard time making ends meet. . That even for many people especially young and inexperienced FINDING a job is near impossible.  There is a trend in society for wealthy or middle class Baby-Boomers to be told just throw those kids out. Used to be in the old days families did come together to share resources.  Not anymore.

Im tired of this whole MOOCHER mentality like they are all lazy instead of UNABLE TO GET A JOB.

It is a little hard to be able to say you are unable to get a job when you don't even try.  I am sure there are people that are actually unable to get a job, but there are also a lot more that don't even try.  Putting in a couple applications here and there is not trying your hardest to find something.   


November 9, 2005, 2:10 pm CST

Someone said, and I believe they're right....

That the kids that stay dependant make the choice to stay dependant. I had not thought in exactly those terms but now I've said it I completely agree. My reason? When you're raised in a way where there are expectations that you will have to provide for yourself you do just that. What our generation has done so well is create kids who don't have a concept of what it's like to HAVE to manage your own life.  


My husband has children who continue to live at home with his ex wife. They are 25 and 23, both male and both have been out on their own but not forced to be self-sufficient. They have been raised with the idea that someone will look after them so they have no higher standards and in fact the youngest has seriously considered obtaining a lawyer to get child support from his father reinstated. He is potentially entitled due to the fact that he isn't self sufficient and is under the age of 25. He has not done this yet but he and his mom have been talking about it. Of course that isn't what I'm here about but I just find it amazing that 2 adults can be so misguided and I KNOW they are not the only people around with the entitlement syndrome.  


I keep thinking how incredible it is that adult children seem to think they are owed a place to live and I guess I understand the reason they feel this way is because we, our generation, have given so much to them how could they anticipate it would be any different.  


When I grew up the thing I wanted more than anything was to be independant. That was the goal of all my friends and it is what we knew would happen. There was no question about whether or not we would do this, it just was. Our kids, on the other hand, believe that as long as they don't take care of themselves we should have to. We have done such a disservice to them! We should all be wealthy because if something happens to us we have a generation who not only doesn't know how to take care of themselves but also will be homeless. What a shame. Really, shame on us for not doing better! We did owe our kids better than we gave them if this is all they can do, come home to mommy and daddy and let them pay the way. 

November 9, 2005, 2:11 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: boogiebear

I live in NC. We have lost so many jobs here. People, good people have been out of jobs for months, and everyday some new company is laying off, or shutting down moving out of the country. I am not excusing their behavior. These kids needs to learn how to live an adult life.  

When I was in school in the 70's, we were taught that we either went to college or we did not, but we would work for the same company all of our lives. That company would take care of us, and help provide us with health care, plus other things we need. We would in turn be loyal and be honored to work there. Whether you were making 17 dollars an hour at American Tobacco Company on the production line, or you were in some office, somehow using your degree to make your company the best it can be. You would retire with a good plan, and your children would then be working there also.The American dream has been ripped so far away from what it once was. Now companies fire people who work there, just to hire temps to save money. They move overseas just to make a bit more. This is effecting so many people, and their attitudes about life and work. It has changed us as a whole.  It is stressing us out as a country. It is something that needs to be talked about, either how we deal with it, or how we deal with the stress of such an unsteady workforce, and lack of security. 

I agree with you, but people can and do adapt.  I'll agree that it's stessful and difficult.  I think we need to be willing to change-- our location, our skillset, whatever is necessary.  You're typing this comment and sending it instantly where in the 70's you would have mailed it.  Your state may have had to lay off a few postal workers since then, but somewhere else there are computer jobs created.  When Ft. Ord closed, my parents almost lost their business, but my mom took advantage of retraining programs and now Dad runs the business on his own and mom makes more than he does.  They're doing better than their best year running the business by itself.  Unions have done great for the people lucky enough to get in, but the benefits they enjoy decrease the number of jobs and lead companies to look to other countries to lower costs.  Maybe new company ways of doing business are partly to blame, it doesn't give anyone an excuse to give up.
November 9, 2005, 2:15 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

It makes me sick to think a 30, 24 and 21 year old uses there parents like that.  Im 21 my self a have lived on my own sence I was16. in my familey  there is 4 of us kids. myself  a 19 ,18,and 16 year old. Last year we lost all our parents. Our father, mother, and stepfather all died with in one year.   We all stuck together trying to take care of eack other. The eighteen year od takes care of the 19, and 16 year old. With NO  parents to lean on we can't get the 19 year old to get out and take care of himself.
November 9, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Just my 2 cents - I am a 21 year old male that lives at home with my parents yet, my girlfriend also resides with us too.. we have a large 5 bedroom house, so we all have plenty of room.  My girlfriend and I both have jobs where we make more than our parents, but my parents also have jobs where they make plenty of money.  We do not pay rent, but it has been offered to my parents.  I do not feel that we are mooching in any way, we do not receive any money from my parents, nor eat thier food.  Our reasoning for not moving out is : why pay rent for an apt when we have to move out.  We are currently paying off 3 brand new vehicles, then we will start saving for a house.  My parents and I both do not agree with "renting"  If I'm going to be paying to live somewhere, it's going to be a house that I own.. if any of this makes sence...
November 9, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: krisann

I watched today's episode of Dr. Phil while at the laundry mat (paying to do my laundry) and was shocked by what a spoiled brat Tabitha was.  Her brother and sister seemed to at least kind of realize what a burden they are to their parents, but she acted as though something was owed to her.  I feel bad that she lost her home, but what the heck! She's never paid rent? I am also 24, which may be why I was so shocked. I have paid my own rent and bills since 18, and have also managed to put myself through college and am now working my way through graduate school. It has not been easy, but I would never accept that kind of help from my parents. Even if it meant living in a bad apartment or taking a crappy job, I would rather work my butt off like a normal person than think that anyone owed that to me, especially when her parents have four children of their own. And on top of it all, she seems to think that cleaning one room in the house makes up for her share!!! She has even brought her husband and kids to the house, and no matter how much their grandparents love them, it is not easy to have extra kids around. What really got me was when she didn't want to accept the free apartment from dr. phil because she "wanted an apartment of her own".  How spoiled can you be! I would live with twenty obnoxious strangers if it meant dr. phil would pay a month of my rent! I think Tabitha's problem goes beyond being a boomerang kid, and perhaps is more of a problem of having a major chip on her shoulder.  I realize I don't know her, and it is hard to judge someone from television, but the rest of the world is forced to do it on their own, so why should she be so bitter that she's being given the chance to get a normal life!?

I agree with you totally.  That girl was obnoxious.  Dr. Phil got them a 3 bedroom house with one month of free rent and she complained that she didn't want to live with her brother and sister.  What?  She is living with them now along with 10 other people so what is the big deal.  What did she expect?  I guess she thought Dr. Phil should have just bought her her own house and givien it to her free and clear without any rent or mortgage to pay.  She is still living with her parents when she is married and has 2 children.  I don't get it.  I would be embarrassed.  If she is old enough to have children then she should be old enough to take care of them in her own house.   


Her brother and sister seems to realized how bad they were acting, but that girl was horrible.  She stuck her tongue out at her parents going to commercial.  She was very immature to be a 24 year old mother of 2 small children.  

November 9, 2005, 2:27 pm CST

Actual cost of Living 2005

I agree with the people who have expressed the difficulties for young adults of covering costs such as: paying rent (here in Minnesota $650/mo), food, $350+/mo, Utilities/phone $230/mo., health insurance/other health costs: $180/mo., transportation car payment/insurance/tags: $250/mo., clothing/uniforms/shoes for work $85 mo.,  student loan payments $100-200/mo.; Total: 1615-1945/month, and I'm probably leaving out something.  Median wage in this town:   $11/hrX160 hrs of work per month=$1760.    This means a monthly deficit of almost $200 and nothing left over for anything extra, like socializing with friends, buying a pizza or going out to a movie/getting a DVD, buying makeup, toiletries,etc. 


Most young people DO share housing expenses, and that helps, but you can see how it is a challenge to save up for buying a house, and God forbid that anyone should get pregnant and have a child - a nightmare of increased expenses and getting further and further behind.  A recent survey of University of Minnesota unionized clerical and technical employees (avg. wage - @$16.00/hr )discovered that a huge percentage of those people are using credit cards to buy groceries or pay for medicine costs for family members, and feeling further behind, racking up that personal debt that crushes so many into bankruptcy.  How can we promote the "ownership society" when young families aren't making enough to have children, much less to own property? 



November 9, 2005, 2:28 pm CST

43 year old mooch

I have a loser brother-in-law that moved back home over three years ago with his two kids. They have taken over my in-laws home and have no plans of ever leaving. Now, the loser is getting married and has moved his wife-to-be in. None of the siblings are happy with the situation and have voiced it to the loser. He still refuses to move. Unfortunately, it will probably take my in-laws dying before we can get the loser out! Any suggestions?
November 9, 2005, 2:29 pm CST

Opposite problem...

I have a problem that is the opposite of what these people are dealing with. 


My husband and I live with my coworker, and my son and girlfriend recently came to stay with us.   


My main problem is my roommate/coworker.  She is a moocher, even though it's HER house we live in.  I pay her as agreed, every month, on time, and she just takes advantage.  We helped her buy a car, and she didn't even make a single payment before it was repossessed.  She does not contribute to groceries and expects us to feed her on a daily basis.  The utilities have been disconnected several times, and she has had notices about the mortgages not being paid on time.  We have seen several instances of her money going to pay for things that are wasteful (clothes, shoes, eating out).  I have always felt that it was not my business where someone else spends their money, but when I am paying for staying at a place and suddenly have no water/heat/lights/gas, it becomes my concern.  I know what her income is every month and am convinced that she should have more than enough resources to have money for extras plus keep the lights on and contribute to groceries.  I have made several attempts to talk to her *nicely* about putting her priorities in order, getting a budget and sticking to it, and going over with her things we are doing to make progress to get out of her house, but she is extremely defensive and accusatory.   


The problem goes beyond that.  In short she is impossible to live with, but due to our own financial circumstances we are not quite in the position to move (we are about two months from having enough money saved up to rent a place of our own).  She is unable to communicate...she walks around throwing a tantrum and refuses to talk to us and tell us what is bothering her.  It seems that she expects us to read her mind.  At work I often have to listen to her complain often and loudly to *no one* in particular about how bad her life sucks and how she should just go kill herself.  And actually, when she's not letting her attitude get the better of her, she is a really cool person to be around.  But I don' t know how much more I can take!  I am currently working two full time jobs in attempts to get out of the situation faster (which is nice because it's less time at home having to deal with a volatile person).  It's very frustrating.  We do appreciate the fact that she has given us a roof over our heads when it was much needed, but it's causing a severe amount of stress.  My son and his girlfriend are searching for work but they are young and it takes time to find a job.  Finding another place to live is not very easy because our credit is bad because we've been through a series of unfortunate events (some our fault, others not).  Landlords either don't want to bother with us or want such a high amount to allow us to move in that we'll never afford it.  Short of constantly wearing ear plugs so I can tune her out, I don't know what else to do to deal with someone this difficult. 


We have taken alot of advice about finances to heart and are following a budget, getting things caught up, and feel we are doing everything we can on our end.     

November 9, 2005, 2:44 pm CST

Children living at home

I have a 23 year old son , 19 year old son, and 80 year old mother-inilaw living with me and my wife. I can relate to the first family on the show. Our oldest son feels like we owe him a place to live and shows no intention of leaving. I gave him a June 1st date last month to move out.   

Our youngest saw him get away with this and now feels he should get the same treatment. He does try to pay once in awhile, but nothing consistant.  

My mother-in-law has lived with us since my father-in-law passed away in 1998. She does help out and means well. She has gotten to the point that she goes to the bathroom and misses the toilet, can't leave matches laying around cause when she lights candles she throws the match where she is, and does not wash herself (hands or bath) that I have seen. She has two other children that won't help give us a break and one of them has not been around in years.  They both live less than 30 miles away. We have had 2 weeks away from her in the last 7 or 8 years. Our boys have watched her a couple of times but they would leave her alone while we were gone so we ended up worring about her setting fire to the house or having trouble.  We are afraid to put her in a nursing home because she won't associate with people, and we are afraid we will spend every night at the home so she won't get lonely. It's easier and cheaper to keep her with us. 

My wife listens and gets frustrated when the boy's are complaining about her, and the problems she has. I mention things but try not to complain about her mother. The boys are a different subject. I do complain about them. 

I don't like the position I am in, nor do I like putting my wife in the middle with her mom.  I thought when I hit 50 it would just be the two of us and now it isn't. I also thought we would have more money than we could waste, but we can't seem to have any extra money because of the boy's. We use to be able to go and do things and see places but the last couple of years it has not been their to do anything. We both love riding and the last two summers we didn't get to go at all.  We use to get to do about 8 or 9 toy rides each year and the last two years we have only done 4 combined. I feel guilty for thinking this way at times but I worked for 25 years with the same company in order to enjoy my "later" years and they don't seem to be as much fun as I hoped. 

I guess I am just venting and will quit now. 


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