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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.


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October 31, 2005, 2:09 pm CST

About Lauren

I was watching the Dr. Phil show with the segment about the 21 year old girl Lauren.  I too am 21 and I just think that is so sad that she cannot even do a simple bank book or have any control over finances at her age!  The mother had the audacity to say she was not spoiled and it was up to her to learn how to do stuff like that "once she got out of college"...well I was 16 and 17 years old...had a part-time job..had my OWN checking account and was doing all of my own personal business at 17 years old and who do you think I learned it from? I certainly had no clue how to do that at how is Lauren going to be when she gets out of college and on her own and can't even do a simple checkbook balance?  Lauren definately has some growing up to do if she wants to have any type of control over her finances in the near future and it's not up to Lauren to learn's up to her mother or father to show her the correct way to do things or else she'll never make it in "the real world".
October 31, 2005, 2:13 pm CST

spoiled and entitled

 This is such a huge issue between my significant other and his adult child.  He spoiled him rotten from the time he got custody (his son was very young).  My significant other has felt quilty for all the things his son has been through in his early life.  Now, his son is 24 years old, has a son of his own who is 5, and he continues to "tell" his father that he needs to pay for things and buy his grandson clothes and toys.  He recently "told" his father that he needs to keep him on his father insurance because he can't afford his own.  I believe it might have something to do with the cars that he buys and the tickets he has.  His father continues to pay.  His son has his own place (purchased) with his girlfriend (the mother of his child) and they have more toys, tv's stereo's, video games, personal DVD players, personal CD players, brand new golf clubs (every year)  and all new appliences.  They have more  than I will ever hope to have in my lifetime.

The thing that really gets me is that his son Demands this stuff and dad, with his quilt, can't say no.
October 31, 2005, 2:13 pm CST

Jacquie, Your problem is your own


   When I watched the show today, and listened to Dr. Phil, and your was clear the problem is not hers to is your own.  You are becoming an adult, and with that, you have to become responsible for your own actions.  Your shopping fetish is not going to get you anywhere in society.  I am a very young adult, and understand how important fitting in at highschool can be.  But I can also promise you, that it doesn't get you anywhere past your graduation day.  And all those people you have impressed for so long, by the way you look, will not even remember your name in 10 years.  Be responsible for this problem, and be the one to change it.   

October 31, 2005, 2:15 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

October 31, 2005, 2:20 pm CST

Spoiled and Entitled!!

I am shocked and appalled by the seemingly thoughtless spending that the parents were talking about on today's show.  I am going to remain hopeful that this material spending also reflects the spending on the parents' own personal savings, retirement savings, children's college funds, and charitable giving.  I can only imagine what the television viewing world must think when they see this type of excess.  A huge reality check is needed here now!
October 31, 2005, 2:25 pm CST

I forsee problems ahead

  I just finished watching the first parents with the two little boys.  I actually feel sorry for them because they are going to have so many problems once those two cute children grow up.  Those children are going to expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter.  They are not going to know how to actually work for things they want in life and that's very sad. 

Heaven help you in a few years if you continue giving them everything they want.     

October 31, 2005, 2:34 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: nrsejenn

I am sitting here with mixed emotions right now.  I just watched the part of the show regarding Melissa and her two beautiful little boys.  I do not feel as though it is anyone's business, other than the parent's, to decide whether or not the children are spoiled.  It sounded as if Melissa's sister, Jessica, was jealous.  She stated that her children wonder why they can't have toys like their cousins.  Why should Melissa have to stop buying for her children?  Why should she have to change for her sister's sake?  I, myself, am a single mother of two beautiful children.  I have a daughter, who is three, and a little boy, who is one.  When I first had my daughter, things were very tough for me.  Her father up and left me all alone.  I had to skrimp and save for everything for her and myself.  There were times when I wouldn't eat, just to make sure that she was taken care of properly.  She had few toys, enough to keep her occupied, but nothing extravagant.  I worked very hard, and put in alot of overtime, to get my feet back on the ground.  I just got my head above water, and was in an absolutely wonderful relationship, when I got pregnant with my son.  My son's father, however, had a dark side.  A dark side, that he didn't reveal until I was pregnant.  There was no way, that I was going to let someone like that in my children's lives, so.....  Again, I was all alone.  This time with two babies.  Again, I worked and worked.  My children are three and one, and we are very comfortable.  I am not rich, but I am no longer struggling.  Everyone thinks that I spoil my children.  My family, friends, current boyfriend and his family.  Everyone makes comments all the time about how many toys my children have for being so young.  I don't feel as though they are spoiled, however, they have no wants for anything right now.  And when they do, if their behavior has been well, they get rewarded.  I want my children to have everything I didn't when I was growing up.  I see nothing wrong with that.  To an extent.  I do not intend to grant their every wish as they get older, however, they are only three and one.  I intend on instilling good values, and morals in my children.  Along with teaching them the value of a dollar, and of hard work.  I do say "no" to my three year old when she asks for something that is just not in the budget.  This past summer she wanted the new Barbie jeep, I just didn't see the need to spend $300.00 on something like that.  So, she got a big, fat "NO", for that request.  When she asked, "Why," I just told her the truth. 
"Mommy just doesn't have the money for that right now."  I really feel as though I don't spend outside of my means, I have never not paid a bill, to get my children toys.  But, if I have the money, and  I feel like getting them presents, I by all means, will do so.  I like to spend my money on educational toys, such as puzzles and books.  So what if my daughter is only three and has about twenty-five wooden puzzles, and about thirty of the cardboard kind.  That is alot of puzzles for one little girl, but do you know who is the one who sits there and does all the puzzles with her?  Me.  And so what if my son is only one and probably has about twenty-five toys of his own, laying around on the living room floor, do you know who sits there on the floor and plays with him? And helps him learn his shapes, and learn how to walk, with his three different kinds of push-along toys?  Me.  As much as I am spending on these children, I am also spending just as much time with them.  As I said earlier, in my mind, as long as I am not spending outside my means, I see nothing wrong with this.  My daughter does have a friend that comes over to play and everytime she leaves, she keeps asking her mom over and over , why she doesn't have as many toys as my daughter.  Well, then in turn my daughter's friend's mother calls me, and kind of whines to me about it.  I feel bad for her, having to answer her daughter's questions, but why is it my responsibility to stop buying for my children, because she can't?  There are alot of families out there, that cannot afford to spend how I do, and I feel bad for that.  I used to be one of those mothers that wished they could do more for their children.  And what I couldn't do then, I made up for, just in smaller ways.  I would go to the local dollar store and buy fun little projects to do with my daughter.  And it was cheap.  We used to go for walks all the time and to a local park.  I would save up all week to take her to McDonald's on Fridays.  And she knew that Friday was our special day that we got to eat out.  There are alot of things that you can do without having alot of money.  I don't know how much longer I will be comfortable enough to keep up with this lifestyle and if it comes to an end again.  Then, it does.  No amount of money or gifts, can take the place of quality time spent with your children.  Everyone should stop concentrating on who has what, who is spending too much, who can't afford to, etc.... Let's all just make our children our number one priority!!!  And if you can afford to spend, do it.  And, if you can't, don't.

I can't tell you whether your kids are spoiled or not.  I do think it should throw up red flags if people close to you are telling you that you are spoiling your kids.  I also think an attitude of "sorry lady, it's not my problem" is a horrible attitude and one easily picked up on by kids.  There are so many constructive responses to a mother "whining" (in your words) about how much your child has.   


I think too much spent on toys develops an unhealthy expectation.  If your daughter has over 50 puzzles she will eventually be sick of those and expect more and based on her current inventory, she may expect 50 more.  I don't neccesarily think that the amount is a problem if you are not buying her everything and anything she asks for. 


As for the families on the show, 250 DVDs??  Big Srceen TV?  $1200 in toys so one wouldn't feel jealous of the other??  And then the nerve to say her kids won't end up like Evan!  Lauren?  Over her limit and writing bad checks... one of two things will happen, her parents will bail her out or her credit will be in shambles in 6 months.  I see these kids at college as a Dorm Supervisor.  I hear them telling each other, "oh my God, did you see what she was wearing?"  We have parents who drop their kids off at the beginning of the year with a case of beer.  We have a donation to local homeless shelters at the end of the year and have clothes with the tags still on them, computers,  calculators, textbooks... generous?  I thought so until I heard one student telling another, "If I come home with all theses clothes, my mom won't buy me new ones"  And you wouldn't believe the excuses I hear when students don't want to take responsibility for their actions.  I can't tell you how many students have lawyers for parents, or have informed me that their parents will sue me for trying to make them accountable.   


Love your children.  Absolutely.  Make them your number one priority.  All for it.  There's nothing wrong with having things, but the message kids recieve when they get too much can be as bad as the opposite extreme--sometimes worse. 

October 31, 2005, 2:44 pm CST

My Daughter is living this

This is a great topic.  My youngest daughter is married to a spoiled/entitled young man.  They have three children whom his parents have taken custody of.  They took custody because my daughter's views on raising children are so much different.  She doesn't give, give, give.  She was raised to earn what she got, and wants to raise her children in the same manner.  His family gives what ever they want simply because they have the money to.  They look down their noses at those who don't have money.  And really dislike me because I collect disability. 

My daughter works two jobs trying to support them, her husband can't keep a job more than two weeks because he was so spoiled.  They are seperated, he lives home with his parents, doesn't work and looks after the kids only when his mother works.   

My daughter sees the kids once a month, because she is supporting the kids, she has had a problem finding an apartment.  She only has a place to take them if I go get her and them.  I can't afford to do this every week. 

This is what happens when those spoiled children become adults.  They don't do for their families, they expect it to be done for them. 

October 31, 2005, 2:48 pm CST

Missing PART of the point...

Great topic, but this behavior is creating a nation of monsters! I work with the public everyday. Not one day goes by that I don't interact with people who REFUSE to take NO for an answer. They will argue and manipulate until they get their way. If they don't get their "entitled treatment," they threaten and act out in ways I find astonishing. And who is the target of their wrath? Those of us who are there to serve them. 


I witness full-grown people behave like 2-year-olds when they are told "no." I have seen people actually stomp their feet because a movie is sold out! And, the most common reaction to a request which gets a negative response is the person will repeat their request over and over as if they were a kid asking a parent for something and the parent says no. They are hoping the response, "no", will majically become a "yes" if they ask and repeat their request enough times. Pitiful. 


Instant gratification, behavior bribery, and always "giving in" to kids has created a whole generation of SPOILED ADULTS. 

October 31, 2005, 2:49 pm CST

My now adult S&E Brother can't function in society...

My older brother who is now 44 was spoiled as a child. He was never told "no" and given everything he wanted. There were never consequences for his bad/irresponsible behavior. For instance, he was given a brand new pick-up truck which he then totaled within 2 weeks. My parents purchased another vehicle for him immediately. 


As an adult, my brother has put himself into huge debt buying cars, electronics and vacations he could not afford. When my father passed away, my brother was upset because my father did not have a huge life insurance policy. My mother has spent almost all of her savings trying to bail my brother out of the mess he has created. She blames herself for the disastrous situation in which he now finds himself....wife and children packed up and left, he can't hold a job because of his arrogant attitude and on and on. 


My brother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I think the real issue is that he does not know how to cope in the real world. The mothers on the show today don't realize that they are not doing their children any favors and are most likely setting them up to be very unhappy adults. 


Fortunately, my father met Foster Cline (Co-founder of Parenting with Love and Logic) while I was still young and my parents took a different approach raising me.  

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