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Topic : 03/24 Moms Money Conflicts

Number of Replies: 296
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 04:01:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/21/05) Money is often cited as the number one reason couples divorce. Dr. Phil talks with moms who say their need for cash is causing major problems. First, Andy and Lynn are newlyweds whose marriage is already falling apart. Lynn says she has to pay for expenses that her waitress salary can't possibly cover, and she has to beg her husband if she needs money. Andy says his wife relies on him for everything and he doesn't think she should get a free ride. Can their marriage withstand the pressure? Then, Alice has invented a product that she thinks will make her millions. But after putting in over $160,000 and turning their house into a factory, her husband has had enough. Does Alice have a great invention or should she just give up? Plus, two moms have a dream of opening up their own boutique, but their husbands say they both need a reality check. Join the discussion.

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March 26, 2006, 8:42 pm CST

to the boutique owner wannabees

The taped footage of those two women would make a great sitcom!  They were hysterical!  It was pretty hard to take them seriously.  In addition, their husbands didn't seem to have very respectful attitudes towards their wives...I wonder if they realize how they appeared?  Dr. Phil made a point of commenting several times on their extensive collective intelligence...I think we believed you Dr. Phil...don't we? 

March 26, 2006, 9:38 pm CST

It Shouldnt Be About Money

When people get married they promise to love and to hold through better and worse till death do them part.  Before anyone makes this kind of commitment they should have already talked and discussed all the if's and's and but's that could or would happen in their relationship.  If the male or female feels strongly about something, in this case about both of them working, before each of them takes that vow, they should know what the other expects.....and if you take the vows without doing this...then be ready to face it in the long run.  In my does not matter who brings in more money....all that matters is the both of the grown ups should be doing somthing to help that family.  When you constantly spend isnt helping....when you sit on your butt at home and do house work, helping the kids, no nothing....that isnt helping....but see....I dont think most men realize that just being a full time mother and a house wife.......that is a job itself.  Kids are the biggest job that a woman or man could have...and men understate our job as mothers.  In these two peoples case though I think that they both need to sit down and let each other know exaclty how they feel and WHY they feel that way.....without putting each other down or making one feel like he or she is better than the other.  Nothing will never get solved if you dont talk it out....or if you nag it on forever and eternity.  By dragging something on that does nothing but make someone more mad and make the hate you.  And when someone stops caring.....he or she is defenatly not going to try to change for their spouse because they just wont care what the other one thinks no  more......JUST TALK IT OUT>>>AND DONT POINT FINGERS.  we all were taught not to point fingers in school......take this rule with your when you are grown toooo. 

March 27, 2006, 6:49 am CST

To The Boutique Owner Wannabees

 These two ladies don't have a clue!  Owning a business, especially a retail storefront, takes a HUGE committment.  That day they spent in a boutique was just the tip of the iceberg.  My husband and I just retired from our own retail store after 15 exhausting years, so I speak from real experience.  As Dr. Phil mentioned, one of the biggest reasons small businesses fail is lack of money.  Prospective business owners need to prepare a thorough business plan with income & expense projections for at least the first two years.  They should have enough cash in the bank to cover at least 6 to 12 months' expenses, including salaries for outside help. And whatever they think they will need, they will need more.  They need to know about merchandise sources and pricing methods and advertising, and so much more.  I think they realized after that "practice day" that bringing the children to work is not even remotely possible ( I couldn't believe that one!).  I think it would be a very good idea for these two women to get jobs working in a boutique for a while before they even consider opening their own.  And they must be prepared to commit 24/7 to their own business, because even when the store is closed, they will be thinking about it.  Trust me, I know.   I would be glad to share my experience with them  on a personal basis if they are interested.
March 27, 2006, 12:04 pm CST

You should prepare yourself !!!

Quote From: joraye

Congratulations for being a stay-at-home mom who is happy to be a wife and mother.  You have your values EXACTLY where they should be and I imagine you have a happy marriage.  Most young people today want THINGS  -  that was never an issue when I was a newlywed (but that was a long time ago and things have changed).   God Bless You - and Have A Happy Life! 

I too, was a Stay at Home mom, no career, no degree, and all the trust in the world! After all I was married to Ward Clever!!!  Until he walked out after 17 years.  We paid child support on his first born from his first marriage for the duration of the marriage.  When he left I was so angry at myself for trusting him completely.  It was only 6 weeks prior that he told me to stay at home, take care of our child, be there for the needs of our child and take care of the household needs, etc.  Boy was I blindsided!!!!!   I have continued to raise my child who will gradute this spring.  I have obtained my 2 year degree (which you can be doing right now with few hours, little investment, some courses are offered on video and web from local colleges), I have paid my mortgage off (small home but it's mine), bought a car and paid it off, took a trip with my son to Hawaii (a treat for paying off the house and their 16th birthday), all big accomplishments.  However, the company I worked for closed in Dec and now I find myself unemployed and looking for a career with the two year degree.  Not much to choose from.  My plan is to return to college for a 13 month course in the fall and obtain a Bachelors degree.  I have a plan, yet I can't let go of the years I spent doing what you are doing. If the worst happens and you find yourself in my shoes, make sure they fit!  In my mid 40's, I have no retirement, very little savings, and a lot of ground to cover.  Every morning when you get up, look in the mirror and who you see is your help!   I wouldn't trade anything for the years with my child, but I'd love to have the hours he was in school to get those degrees so I could afford the tuition for them to attend college and needs we have which have to be pushed to the side for now.  I wish only the best for your marriage.  Some folks are lucky enough to have the real thing!  Women who stay at home should be compensated for the work they do there.  If anyone has checked around, it cost big bucks for maids, child care, meal preps, laundry service, and nursing.  I believe women who are in this postion should be backed by a legal contract to be paid a % of the household income for their services.  This might also curve the spending of both parties.  If I had been looking out for me and my childs well-being, I would have been saving some of the money that was brought in for the rainy day that came.  We didn't live beyond our means. I could have had a nice nest egg and the degree I needed if I had been looking out for my future.   Start today by saving $25 a week and add to it with each raise he gets, contacting your local college and deciding what career you would enjoy doing. If you find yourself married at retirement age, buy a condo with the money you made and saved. Don't let yourself be a statistic. Take charge of your future so you can be proud of YOU.  You will always be a mom but children do leave home.  They need to be taught to prepare themselves by seeing parents actions.  Careers go along with Budget.  Start your career today, begin today being the person you will be when your children leave home.  Have a happy retirement! 
March 27, 2006, 3:18 pm CST

Either way...

Quote From: paula1967

On yesterdays show, one of the husbands had purchased artwort and was made to feel stupid when he said that it was an investment.  The artist of those paintings is Michael Godard, a very talented, respected artist. There is not a doubt in my mind that the painting could sell for over $3,000, so Dr. Phil may just have to make good on his offer to meet the selling price on that piece. I bought a Michael Godard piece last March & it has now more than doubled in price.  His artwork is definitely not mainstream. He creatively mixes sophistication with whimsy, and he has a HUGE fan base, many willing to pay more than asking price just to get their hands on a piece of his work.  So, although I never thought it would happen, I have found the one thing that Dr. Phil was off the mark on. 
One of those paintings would buy a years worth of diapers. LOL...investment or not, I'd say giving up the art and a part of his ego is better then fighting about pampers...LOL
October 28, 2006, 5:42 am CDT

I relate

Unfortunately I do relate to this topic.  I'm not married but have lived with my "Boyfriend" for the past 5 years.  He is very selfish.  I read this and could not believe how much it sounded like my life.  I waitress in the evenings and stay home with my son during the day.  I also have a daughter who is in school.  I have to ask for money for things and most of the time I am not given any.  I pay for my cell phone, a car payment, groceries, all of my daughters expenses and about 80% of my sons.  On a waitress salery.  He cant understand how I could be broke???  Needless to say I also have student loans to pay.  We discussed me leaving my full time job after I had our son and agreed that it would be better to work as a waitress in the evenings to stay home with our son but who is it easier for?  Dont get me wrong I love being home with my son but the money aspect of it is about to drive me out of my mind.  It is easier for him because I am here to watch our son (no daycare cost), do his laundry, clean the house ..... 

I know that every one will say ...Leave him but it is easier said than done.  I'm a waitress....I cant afford to leave him, and go where?  I'm constantly looking for a bettter paying job but so far I havent had much luck.

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