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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.

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October 17, 2005, 12:00 am CDT

think before you speak

Quote From: riviera

I know what its like to have rumours made about you but at least you can see through the stories others make up. Rumours aren't about you at all. Some people have nothing to say they  want to make someone else look bad. It's probably jealousy and bitterness but why do people listen and then spread unbelievably stories. Just ignore them and say "That's nice".

I really think that some people have no idea that something they say can hurt someone so bad that in some cases these poor tormented people commit suicide to get away from the abuse.  A friend of mine had a horrid rumour started about her.. that she was of both sex's hermophrodite.. i think its called... but the pain and suffering this poor girl has endured is beyond explanation.  The internet can b an evil source of malicious gossip.. because the abusers do not have to face the people they are so bravely calling names.. and some of them dont even know the people that they are bad mouthing.... so lets all just take a second before we say something nasty or malicous about someone... because im sure your backyard so to speak aint so tidy either.  Im sure someone could twist and manipulate a situation so you sound skanky or a whore (used as examples).... just remember... silence is sometimes the best answer....  



October 17, 2005, 1:44 am CDT

10/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

I don´t understand why poeple listen to this types of rumors.  

I was a member of a horse club and was on the bord as the secraeaty, and suddenly roumors started about me taking money from the children to spend fore on my own. I never ever did such thing. I spent a lot of time to help and to organise theatre, projects and just to be there and listen. Irealy loved to spend my time on this, and I felt that I made a difference.  

But the worst thing was that it came from people i trusted. I tried to talk whit one person, how I realy belived was on my side. Do you know what he told me? "Mybe you shoud seek  psycatric help fore you problems, I se it comming fore a long time. Please seek help fore before you do anything else, theese problemse you have just don´t disappear of them self." He just turned his back on me. My other so called friends showed there real side to. The spread out a roumer about me beeing sick, mybe scitsofren, and that no one how had any common sence whould trust there children to me - unable as I was to take care of myself. 

It hurts. It still hurts after more than one year . Today I live in another city, I have new friends. I try to live my life and I try to find new options fore myself. But that real trust that I felt before fore some people is gone. I know that someday I find it again, and I know I did nothing wrong accept from having other people to support me outside of this organisation. My conceiens is clear. 

Still when I visit my hometown I hear people taking, pointing at me and I think nolonger that I whant to scream at them. I just talk whit the one a like to talk to and turn my back to the others. The strang thing is taht people I never new talks to me now, and I know that no mather what that total bitch  did to me and no mather what she and the others belived - some peolple remember what was before that and doesen´t listen. I don´t listen any more, and that must be the greatest victory of al. 

October 17, 2005, 6:39 am CDT

My daughter is dealing with this now

I have a 14 year old daughter in the 9th grade in high school.  She is a social butterfly, very attractive and is a Varsity Cheerleader.  In the past 2 months I have heard so many rumors about my daughter that it angers me beyond words.  She is allegedly an alcoholic to dating seniors which is no where the truth.  I am not overprotective but I do keep very close tabs on her.  My daughter handles these rumors very well on the outside but it really concerns me that she may not be telling me how it truly bothers her.  I am so excited this show is coming on this week and I can not wait to hear what Dr. Phil has to say about this topic.  This will be one show my daughter and I will not miss. 

I believe this is the same as bullying someone and should be punishable they same. 

October 17, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

Who wrote it?

I'm am sorry to hear of your unjustified attention!  After Dr. Phil assist you, should you or the authorities have suspects, I will volunteer my time for a comparison / examination. Let's get these people and post their names -- with arrest warrants.
October 17, 2005, 2:18 pm CDT

Join the Club

Quote From: chillyjj

For me, the rumour started when I was about 13 yo, and grew out of control once I entered high school.  Not sure exactly why or who started it, but it basically ruined my high school experience.  I find it incredibly ironic that I was called a slut and a whore in school, when I wasn't dating anyone and hadn't been having sex with anyone.  I had my locker vandalised twice, one time it was covered in black marker, mustard and a used condom.  Nice.  I blamed one person.  Just one.  The boy I lost my virginity to.  This all started 23-24 yrs ago and it has made me miserable and vulnerable and I have had my share of horrid relationships because of it. 


Now... to take ownership of this problem tho, I can not 100% blame this guy.  It's interesting that he found me thru one of those online *find your school mates* websites and contacted me.  I wasn't nice to him when he did.  I basically let out all the anger I had toward him in emails, I *vomitted* all over him.  Boy did that feel good!!  I felt he needed to know how he'd ruined my life, and how I felt, and how hurt I was and everything else I had left bottled up inside of me for all these years.  To say he was surprised is an understatement.  He did apoligize for things, but, he also told me he knew nothing about it.  Whether or not I believe him is irrelevant tho.  He claims he was not responsible for those things that happened to me, that he knew nothing about them, and none of the *gang* he hung out with had done it (he claims he would have known if they had done it).  I can't say I believe him as all our *conversations* happened thru email or IM chats. 


I won't say we are friends now, but the anger and frustration and everything else I felt towards him is for the most part gone.  We talk now if not daily then at least once a week.  I can't forgive him for something he didn't do, and I think I will always harbour some resentment toward him (I know, foolish me)... but at least I am at peace as far as I can be. 


The rumours and name calling destroyed my already low self-esteem and I have bounced from one failed relationship to another since then, recently in the process of ending my 10 yr relationship (8 yr marriage) and finding dating nearly impossible.  I doubt everything every man says to me and I don't trust them or their motives at all.  My marriage didn't end because of the self-esteem issues I have, and infact it was probably the best relationship I have ever had.  Too bad he chose to let his family go instead of fighting to keep us together, and I could only fight so much before I had to stop from exhaustion. 

I had the same thing happen to me. The only bad part was that mine started at an earlier age. I was part to blame. I had troubles at home (and if Dr. Phil & Oprah were around then......) and my parents' lives were their own priority (I'm an only child, no other family around). I had no one count on and to trust. I was sexually abused by family members, friends of the family, and schoolmates.  No one would listen, no one cared. When the abuse happened, the boys turned it around and made to be my fault. The bad part about it is that I cannot seem to get out of abusive relationships. If it's not abusive, then I can't handle it. 


Growing up, I've tried suicide (4xs), cutting (which I still occasionally do), bullimic, anorexic, I watch movies with horrendous rape scenes so that I can scream and cry out, and lastly (I think), whenever someone breaks my heart, trust....I get the hammer and hit my heart. 


I have a wonderful son (4 1/2) and sometimes I just look at him and cry because I can't believe how much love I have for him. I even see his manipulative behavior and I get so disgusted by it, I could just leave. 


Til this day, I run into former classmates and they call me "Miss Pills" (that's one of my 'infamous' names), or they're hesitant of talking to me because they are afraid of me. 


Kids are so mean and evil. They were then, and they are now. If only they can get back what they gave out!!!! 

October 17, 2005, 7:00 pm CDT


I beleive this person called you because his thoughts pressured him into it (guilt).  I beleive that the Lord, our God,  understands the impact that it had on your life.   


This is "the day of the Lord" against all evil works.  I will refrain explaining this to you: even as I declare it so boldly. One day my testimony will go forth;  as it was declared unto me in Spirit; and upon thIs season in which I was baptized in the Holy Ghost.  This occured during Christmas season of 2004.  


Now before I go further, I understand that someone will be quick to charge. So here, I will say this,   "The Baptism of John, was it from God or Man"?  &   "According to your faith, be it unto you".  Before this happened, I was drawn away in my refuge like King David of the Bible.  But,  "Sought out, a city not forsaken" is my testimony.  And I will say that my reward is great.  Now that you have a little understanding of my place with God,  I will elaberate on your situation.  


There is no way that God would let such an evil thing slip past this 'boy's mind. There is no way that he could have forgotten such an ordeal, unless he is problably on drugs.  What happens in high school is embedded strongly in the mind. God gave us a mind to remember:  It can only be tainted by self- infliction and abuse.  


Now,  you did something that was not a very good idea, but we have all fallen short somewhere at sometime. I myself was a virgin the day I married my  ex-husband, but it did not matter.  The Spirit of 'Man'  is an evil.  I was left a single mother.  Man's foul nature keeps him from looking at himself, so his escape is to torment.   


I think that he called you to make up for it; but only out of guilt. When you barreled into him, you slapped the fear of God right in his face. So he withdrew  unto the lie, in saying he could not remember. My advice is that you stay away from him, and do not communicate with him further.  The Bible directs,  "Forget the things of the past, and move on".  The understanding of this is paralell to the scirpture that says, "Let the dead bury the dead".   


You must now forget the past, and go forth. God opened the opportunity for you to blow out your system. Now let it go, and start reading the Bible. Start praying unto the Existant God: The Holy Ghost in his Sovereignty over the universe.   But when you pray, remember that prayer is talking to God.  Therefore, this should be done in the privacy of your Spirit. The Bible states also,  "But when thou prayest enter into thy closet( privacy),  and pray unto thy  Father in Secret, and your Heavenly Father will reward you openly". 


Now turn your face against the past, and look forth unto the future,  "Forgetting those things that are past, and pressing toward the mark".  What is the mark? 


"Wait upon the Lord, to be filled..." . 



October 17, 2005, 7:09 pm CDT


Quote From: starsong14

Dear Dr. Phil:  I can't think of anything worse one human being can do to another, than to "bear false witness," a direct violation of the 10th Commandment.  How dare anyone create or perpetuate a rumor (true or false) against another person.  And, then to add insult to injury sully the person's good name.  I could quote from the Commandments to Shakespeare ("he who steals my purse steals nothing, but he who sullies my good name takes all I have) paraphrasing,  to "The Crucible" and the Salem witch hunts.  The message is the same.  Take a pillow and let all the feathers blow into the wind.  Taking back a reputation-destroying falsehood is like attempting to get each and every feather back into the pillow.  False witness leads to corrupt ideology.   History has taught us where that leads.  We simply need to find the graves of six and a half million people whose murders were justified by others bearing false witness against them.  Then look at the genocides in Africa of ten years ago and now Al-queda.  Read "The Children's Hour" and see that those who are not killed by others, die by their own hand.  You get my drift.   


If there is hope at the end of the tunnel, it is to say to those whose reputations have been ruined:  walk with dignity and rise above these small minds.  It always amazes me that those who are so ready to cast the first stone always seem to be living in houses made of glass.  Jesus died in order to prove to those who would sully him that love is the way .  Pray for those who would ruin you for the doors of Heaven are closed to them.   Starsong14 


October 17, 2005, 9:34 pm CDT


  All of the vicious rumor that followed my through high school ended up make my mother so furious that she pulled me out of that school and into another. The straw that broke the camels back is when I arrive at school one morning and was getting off of the bus, when I looked up I noticed my name and a bunch of  horrible things about me (none of which was true) spray painted in red and black paint all over the limestone building.  Some of the words were so high up the school had to call in reinforcements to clean off the front of the building. The culprits were never prosecuted but I knew who they were, and I eventually got them to confess. That was not good enough for my mother, she wanted me in a different school and she wanted me there asap. I know who mean kids can be to each other. I have gave serious thought to home schooling my children during there middle and high school years.
October 18, 2005, 1:27 pm CDT


    I remember being in high school as a freshman, hoping to leave the mean comments made about me during middle school behind.  To my fear, they were still there.  Girls in middle school, used to make fun of me for being extremely skinny, I still am thin, and the rumors were of me being anorexic, bulimic, having family problems that i didn't have money for food, the whole range.  It was daunting, pathetic, and it hurt me immensely. 

   One day, while spending the night @ a friend's the next morning we went to her family's church...i saw the three main girls that started the rumors, would put gum in my hair, or just make the comments.  I was so scared to be there, like they might do something if we sat near them in the church.   

   It quite frankly pisses me off to know that so called "religious" people, go to church, act nice, do that stranger hand shaking thing, when we all know, especially those who get the butt of the jokes, that life isn't like that.  I didn't know if religious people go to church to think that makes them ok for all their mean comments, and i guess "sins" and then become mean all over again when they leave, or they go because they actually think they are good people and that nothing they do is wrong.  I don't know which more infuriates me, however, i will say this isn't like a personal attack on all religious people, i'm merely stating that i hated these girls, and it truly is why i'm not religious today, because i don't believe a just god would let these horrible people walk on cloud nine, while the rest of us, not so pretty, or not so popular, and maybe not so "religious" have to suffer their rath.  hypocrites is my only comment here.  I hope the older you get, the more you look back, and think of the people you've hurt, and teach your children to learn by your mistakes. 

October 18, 2005, 5:16 pm CDT

Been There

I am glad Dr.Phil is doing this show.  I grew up in a small town in Alberta, Canada.  We moved in from a small farming community about 30 minutes away.  I got a new home I didn't want and a new school I wanted even less.  This was my grade nine year.   It would have been great had we stayed in Penhold but no we had to move to town.  What should have been an exciting year, turned into the biggest nightmare ever. 


A very ugly rumor was started about me.  When I first heard about it, it was in front of the whole class and the teacher did nothing to stop the ugly words of slut, whore....etc that sprewed from these kids mouth.  I had no idea what they were talking about, not a clue.  The hurt and continual abuse continued and just to make things worse I find out it was a family member that started this rumor.  I will never forget this boy telling me it must be true because his girlfriend told him so.   I was so shocked and devasted.  I couldn't understand why.  I was very shy back then and certainly a virgin...I had never had boyfriend.  Let alone do all that I was told I did. 


I took the continual abuse for several months and finally my dad wanted to know "What the hell was wrong with me, because I damn sure know something is".  Finally, I burst into tears after a strong profession of "I am quitting school".  I told my dad what my sister had said at school and what I was having to endure.  My dad took a stand I had never seen him take 1) he stood up to my sister demand she undue all that admitted to him she had said.  He warned her for every day I lived in hell at school she would live in hell at home.  I knew my sister would go to school and tell some other lie to fix it.  It lessened some but my reputation was destroyed the thing I valued most.   


I was the school entertainment I had one class that was not a free for all, where I was safe.  That teacher Mr.Nicholson, made it clear that would not be tolerated in his class.   He was the only teacher or person to stand up and say not in my class.  He took me aside after the first time asked me if I was okay....I said no but what choice did I have.  I asked me if I knew where it came from by at first I didn't.  The day I found out it was my sister I stayed after class to talk with him as he was the only person I trusted I told him about my sister.  He advised me to talk with my parents I said I couldn't they would never believe me the "Star Daughter, The Beautiful Daughter" would never do that.  I explained to my teacher the most popular girl in school say's it true and that girl happens to be my sister.  The most popular girl in school would have made my life even worse.  He could see the tough situation I was in. 


My self esteem was already shot, my reputation ruined.  To the teacher who helped my hang and gave me one class a day as a safe place to fall....I say thank you Mr.Nicholson.  To my dad who never stood up for me to prior to this...I say thanks dad you did your best. 


I hope this story can help others to see the damage and ruin you cause someone.  Had it not been for my one teacher I am sure I would have ended my life.  When I finally snapped and told my father what was going on and my sister admitted all of it the words I will never forget my dad saying is "That one is not like that"  "You better undo what you have done".  Those words stuck with me but the rumor stuck through high school.  In high school someone would shoot their mouth off about it and my friends would stick up for me and said they knew me better than that.   That is what helped me.  I realized I wasn't all alone defending myself against these jerks any more.   


If you see or hear it stop it cold....with a simple I don't want to hear that negative stuff it serves no purpose.  Don't participate in it, no good will come from it. 


Thanks Dr.Phil for doing this show and I can't wait to see it. 





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