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Topic : 12/23 "Get a Backbone!"

Number of Replies: 137
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:48:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/30/05) If you're the type who gets bullied by your boss, stepped on by your co-workers or manipulated by your mother, Dr. Phil shows you how to stand up for yourself! Beth owns a beauty salon, but says she'd rather hide in her office than confront her disrespectful employees. Find out the deep, dark childhood secret that's affecting her ability to take control of her life and her business. Plus, Amanda was so intimidated by her own mother, she kept her wedding a secret! What does Amanda have to do to bridge the gap and reconnect with her mom? Share your own advice and talk about the show here.


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September 30, 2005, 4:22 pm CDT

NC Girl


I think you have so much to be proud of.  You have accomplished so much.  Let me know if your salon is in the piedmont area of NC.  I need a new beautician!   

September 30, 2005, 4:26 pm CDT


I really feel for you, but one of the ways of becoming successful is not letting what people think about you either get to you or bother you, another item is learn how to deal with what the world hands you. 


I have a feeling that since your 'six pack' knows about you - things are going to be different. 


You want to have a fantastically successful business with the people you have - easy:  I will write in no certain order.  1.  Remember that you have Independent Contractors - not employees, ie,. you can tell an employee what to do and how to do it(but shouldn't) but for an independent contractor - you can't.  2.  Get with Brenda and work out an agreement - I have a feeling Brenda is doing everything in her Power to make you and your shop successful (Lee Iacocca of Ford in his book said "find the best people you can an let them do their thing").  3.  Sit down and write out a shop policy do's and don'ts - what you like and don't like - then tell the 'six pack' to write out what they feel should and shouldn't be done, and again what they do and don't like.  4.  Have a meeting to hash/iron out a policy agreement that all can adhere to.  5.  Remember that each of them has a clientel that they have built up according to their own personalities and styles and that should not change or be diluted. 


Beth - I know you are going to be hugely successful - if you have come this far with little formal schooling, I know Phil said this, now it's being said again.  Study hard, but don't let the U of Phoneix 

try and tell you how to run a business since your successful already.  You've already got the cake, now your going for the icing. 

September 30, 2005, 4:40 pm CDT


It now has a name MOBBING - emotional abuse in the american workplace.  A few books I consider invaluable to my career library are:  


Toxic Coworkers:  How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender   



Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, by Noa Davenport, Ruth D. Schwartz, Gail Pursell Elliott  



The First 90 Days:  Critical Success Strategies for ... at all levels by Michael Watkins   



Another source of information regarding some very good guidelines of rules for office politics: 



To anyone who has had the misfortune of experiencing emotional abuse in the workplace - my best wishes to your for a speedy recovery from your devasting experience. 




Hope it helps! 

September 30, 2005, 5:00 pm CDT

I can relate...

In March of this year I completed the 2000 hours (whew!) required in the state of WV to be a cosmetologist, and passed the State Board on July 16th. I got a job in a shop straight out of school, and the girls there are paid straight 50% commission, so they are of the mind that they work for themselves. They hardly ever do their side work, they won't wash the towels they use, and as soon as they finish a client, poof, they are gone off to shop or smoke cigarettes. I was hired at an hourly rate, and told I would be put on commission AFTER I had enough clients to match my wage. They proceeded to hire 4 new girls, making it impossible to buid clientele, and after 5 months told me I had to go on commission. The math is easy: 50% of 0 =0. I never went back to work. I should have stood up to the manager and demand that they honor our agreement, but I have had enough confrontation in my life. Anyway, if your girls want to play games, there are qualified people out there who will work hard and appreciate a good boss, so I hope you quit imitating a door mat and stand up for yourself. Good luck!     WSP
September 30, 2005, 5:10 pm CDT

Not a good idea

My best piece of advice for Amanda (and all married women for that matter) is to never talk to your mother about problems or arguments between you and your husband. It's in a mothers nature to want to  fix things and if all you ever do is talk about the problems and the bad things he's done (of course we never tell mama what we did to contribute to the situation) then you are setting yourself up for your mother (or parents) to dislike your spouse. Try talking to a friend who is also married. Single friends do not have the experience to give your marital advice.  I have never talked badly about my husband to my parents. It's not because I want to portay a perfect marriage, but there is nothing worse than being in the middle of " your parents hate me... I don't like them blah blah blah...."  There are some things that need to stay private from parents.  This is so critial when you are defining your relationship and figuring out how you fit as a new "family"  That's my rant for today.
September 30, 2005, 5:13 pm CDT


 I think it's worth repeating what Dr. Phil said--
To treat yourself the way you wish your parents would have treated you.
September 30, 2005, 5:47 pm CDT

09/30 "Get a Backbone!"

Thank you all for the support!!!  It really means alot to me knowing that there are people out there who do know my story and can be supportive with out the strings. 


I take each day as it comes not allowing anyone to take my control away from me.  Walking around each day with a backbone is a wonderful experience.   

September 30, 2005, 6:07 pm CDT

Wong Impression?

Quote From: mandak

I am really sorry you got the wrong impression from the show.  My mom helped me in the begining when my husband wasnt there.  The ONE bill that didnt get paid was while I was getting NO HELP FROM ANYONE.  He didnt like being a "secret.  I tried talking to my mom like I thought mother and daughters do.  I would call her and "vent" about my problems just as she had to me. 


Thank you Dr. Phil and staff for helping me bring to the surface all the stuff I needed to face.   


I thought some of the same things that "chris.." said.  And one day maybe you'll understand there are just some things Moms don't wanna know.  If you call her and "vent" every time you have a little spat with your husband, can you expect her to welcome him with open arms?  And why wasn't he supporting you and/or your children while you were separated?  It really should not have been up to your mom.  I'm not saying your mom is 100% right, but you and your husband need to be independent from your parent.  Maybe your mom would be a little more accepting of your husband (and a little less angry about the situation) if he and you managed your own problems - marital and financial - without leaning on her.  Let her be Grandma for a change!   


And, think about calling her one of these days just to see how she is and to say "hi" without wanting something from her or telling her some more bad news.   Those calls can make a big difference in her life too! 


....I'm a mom of 4, so I kinda see it from your mom's point of view.  And if she's doing that to you, then make a deal with her that unless it's something serious, you won't exchange bad-husband notes with each other. 

September 30, 2005, 6:08 pm CDT

Beth ...inspiring

Beth's story was incredibly inspiring.  How empowering it must have been for Beth to acknowledge her strengths and accomplishments.  It is going to be wonderful for her to go to college.  This will affirm more of who she who accomplishes and is a go getter.
September 30, 2005, 6:13 pm CDT

the inlaws!

I am an easy going person who gets along with most everybody.  My inlaws  to be however like to drive me crazy.  Everytime I try to stick up for myself they gang up on me and my fiance just shrugs and says 'that's just the way they are'  or 'they didn't mean anything by it'  OR my favorite 'Stop being sooo sensitive.'    

   What am I to do? 

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