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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Number of Replies: 1324
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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in  disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.


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September 16, 2005, 7:48 am CDT

Im in shock

At what I read on the show work up today.  As a mother, im beyond appaled! 


I hope to God this little girls father is watching this show and takes a copy of the tapes and transcripts to court and gets full custody of both those little girls.  What this mother is doing is called emotional/mental abuse and some one needs to act.  NOW!   


I would bet a handsome sum that this women views herself as a beauty.  Let me fill her in.  There is not a single person in America or around the world who will watch this show and see anythign but an ugly nasty evil women.   


That little girl needs protection and she needs it yesterday.  For that women to get herself thinking clearly is gonna take a whole mess of time(if possible at all) and while she is working on her sick and twisted attitude, some somebody better well had PROTECT those innocent children.   


Im so completley disgusted appaled  and shocked.  There are just no words in the English language to put my feelings into proper perspective.   SICK SICK SICK! 

September 16, 2005, 8:03 am CDT

unattractive vs unkempt

there is a difference between unkempt and unattractive.  the ugliest person in the world can be neat and clean.  jay's disguise made him look as if he did not care about how he presented himself, therefore, i would not hire him either.  when someone looks greasy and disheviled, they will be treated differently.  i am not totally disputing the infomation given, i just believe when you look sloppy, people treat you with indifference.
September 16, 2005, 8:07 am CDT




September 16, 2005, 8:08 am CDT

09/16 Pretty/Ugly

I can understand how it hurts when you are not considered "PRETTY"  Almost a 1 1/2 years ago I ended up having cancer.  After all the treatments my looks have changed.  My hair is horrible, some of my teeth came out and I have blotches on my face.  Before I got sick I had a really good job and I must admit I am very good at what I do.  Well now I can't find a job to save my butt.  It really bothers me.  There are quite a few jobs available in my area, but I can't get my foot in the door to show how good I am at what I do all because of the way I look.
September 16, 2005, 8:16 am CDT

Pretty vs. Ugly

I think some great points were made on today's show. 


I know I have had an easier time in life because I'm pleasant to look at, but I've always noticed how others react to the less desirable people.  From a very young age I championed the underdogs, and made those less popular kids my best friends.  Eventually, I became home-educated so I was no longer subjected to such stereo-typing. 


While I don't jugde a book by it's cover completely, I have to admit to having bias in regards to dating.  I'll talk to any one being friendly and attempt to be as friendly as I can back to them (I'm an introvert so I struggle sometimes with strangers).  I'm also a bit dumb in knowing who might be coming onto me.  But for the obvious ones, I've sifted through the mess and learned to stop saying "yes" to everyone just because they had the strength to ask.  (The lesson there was learned when my foster sister married the first guy I dated after I gave up on him after two weeks for being immature, I also didn't find him attractive.  He was abusive and played mind games with her.  She's since left him, but I learned not everyone deserves a chance.) 


So what are my biases?  I am turned off by piercings, tatoos, smoking, excessive drinking, sloveness, judgemental behaviours (meaning those who continually point out other's shortcomings which makes me always wonder what they are saying about me when I'm not there) ... the list seems to contain less outward appearance and more characteristics "flaws", something which you can only learn about by getting to know the person better.  However, I married a smoker (who promises he'll quit before we have kids), and have dated guys with tatoos and piercings, after making it clear I didn't think it would progress because we had different life views.   


I also try to make it clear to these people that I don't judge them for their decisions, we merely don't walk the same path.  I applaud anyone having the strength to follow their bliss in this cookie-cutter world.  I further applaud those with the strength and patience to wait it out and get to know the person better. 


I don't concider myself  "normal", I enjoy life in my way so I can be a bit quirky.  People either get me or they don't.  That has made tolerance for other "weirdos" a priority in my life.  I've made friends with unlikely people, even married someone who didn't fit what I thought I'd get "stuck" with (meaning a goody-two shoes) thanks to my religious upbringing.   


I always try to take time to look in someone's eyes.  In that way, I've routed out some "ugly" people and found the gems.  Two of the "ugly" ones could be male models based on their exterior, and they were always confused about why I never liked them.   


Beauty has always been more than skin deep for me, and we should find ways to express that to our children, as well as uphold it in our lives as examples. 

September 16, 2005, 8:34 am CDT

Dumbfounded, Furious

I'd like to comment on the guest who favored her "pretty" daughter.  I was absolutely speechless...actually I was screaming at the television...when that Mom said that she never asked for an unattractive or overweight child, and only wanted pretty children.  I have 2 daughters of my own and could never imagine favoring one over the other.  Children are special in their own ways.  Some may not be as attractive as others, but that's not a reason or excuse to ignore or put them down and make them feel even worse about themselves.  We as parents know how hard it is to be a kid...even harder in this day and age and we have a responsibility to make sure they go out into this world confident and happy and able to function well in society and treat ALL people with respect and dignity.  I don't feel that the mother got what Dr. Phil was telling her.  I believe she will continue in her ways.  I'm just infuriated at her and how she can do that to her other daughter.  I believe if she had a dog, she'd treat it better than her other daughter Victoria.  Unfortunately in today's world people who are more attractive do get better treatment everywhere.  But a message to those who think that...they may be attractive, but they could be very ugly on the inside...I wish more people would give the unattractive people a chance, they could be missing out on a good friendship.  I am considered an attractive person, but would never treat a person differently because they we're less attractive or different.  Everyone has a heart, soul, and feelings and they should be treated with just as much respect as everyone else. 

September 16, 2005, 8:38 am CDT


I saw Victoria on your show today and my heart just went out to her.  I would adopt her in a ny second and treat her like a loving child she is.  I don't understand her birth mother not being able to love Victoria for who she is. 


I grew up with a step mom who thought my twin sister was the perfect daughter, and I on the other hand needed much improvement. lol  Anyway, I guess I can relate  with Victoria.  My growing into adult hood and my faith has brought me where I am today.  I am now a 24/7 caregiver for my step-mom and loving my step-mom with all my heart, wanting the best care for her possible is my life right now.  Learning to forgive is very important in healing as well. 


I hope and pray that Victoria realizes the special little girl she is, and that her mother accepts and is healed of her shallow way she perceives other human beings. 


Victoria, you have my prayers and love. 



Debbie Stelmaszak 

September 16, 2005, 8:46 am CDT

09/16 Pretty/Ugly

I am so uypset with the mother that was on the show named debbie. I as a mother could not imagine treating my child like she does. As a mother she should be encouraging that little girl more than ever to hold her head up and be proud of herself. I am sure society will give  her enough emotional scares through all the stares and cruel things people will say to her.  I feal the last place she should be made to feal like nothing is at home with her mother of all people.  I think what she is doing to her is child abuse, making her sleep on the floor, someone should make her sleep on  the floor.  That little girl needs to know that people love her and that she is still beautiful with a skin problem or not. Shame on her mother she does not deserve such a child.
September 16, 2005, 8:47 am CDT

Were these women serious?!

I couldn't belevie how insane these women are! How do you carry a child for 9 months and then think she isn't good enough. Children are gifts, not toys. They aren't Barbie dolls that you can choose to play with.  

To the women who chose one daughter over the other....get a grip! You should be charged with child abuse! I hate to tell you, but it's ALL YOUR FAULT! She is a beautiful child and you don't deserve to have her! I was/ am livid at your parenting skills. You are awful! I hope you actually watched the show today and saw yourself. You are rude and self-centered. I just can't write anymore as a Christian woman and stay that way! 

September 16, 2005, 8:47 am CDT


Hi Dr. Phil, 


I have always been told by everyone that I was pretty (even though I haven't always felt that way myself), but thinking back, I think I can definitely say that my Mother raised me to not judge other people by their appaearnce, regardless of what they looked like; she always said that beauty is skin deep, it's the person inside that matters. 


I think that her teachings have had a profound impact on how I relate to other people, because I am positive that I do not turn my nose up at anyone, regardless of appearance, class, race, etc....  I have had boyfriends and friends that most people would consider unappealing, and am glad that I gave them a chance because they all had good hearts, and were a positive influence in my life. 


Now for the mother on today's show....  I just wanted to slap her!  I do not have any children, but I very clearly remember my Mother always saying that no matter what any of her children did, or looked like, she loved us all equally, and she proved that on a regular basis.  From what I have been told, the process of pregnancy and giving birth is supposed to create a special bond between a mother and her child, and I cannot understand how that woman can be so shallow as to treat her own child that way.  Maybe it goes back to the way that she was raised? 


Oh well, I guess I am just a better person than she is because when I looked at het daughter, I saw a sweet, very sad little girl that only wanted to be loved, and my heart just broke for her.  I also saw a girl who, although she was a little overweight, was by no means hideous, and if anyone bothers to help her work with her self-esteem, could very well grow into a beautiful and interesting woman. 


I truly hope that that mother either removes herself from her daughter's life completely, so she does not completely destroy the child, or even better, grows up and realizes that there is much more to her daughter than looks, and maybe if mom would make an effort, her daughter will grow into the beautiful (inside and out) person that she is. 


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