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Topic : 07/09 Is it Over? A Divorce Solution

Number of Replies: 21
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, July 01, 2009, 05:16:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you and your spouse fight about the same things over and over? Dr. Phil's guests have threatened divorce and want to know if there's a solution for their constant battles. Deanna and her husband, Jason, argue often and engage in big blowouts that they say are destroying their marriage. They have a 7-year-old son who was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and Deanna wonders if her husband may also suffer from this disorder. Is this couple caught in a never-ending downward spiral, and is ADHD contributing to the problem? Dr. Ned Hallowell, psychiatrist, best-selling author and expert in the field of ADD and ADHD, weighs in. After watching a video of Jason participating in a specific task, what are the therapist's thoughts about Jason's behavior? Then, meet Kevin who has been diagnosed with ADD. His wife, Roseshel, says their marriage is like a roller-coaster ride, and he's impossible to deal with. Can this couple save their union, or is the damage already done? If you wonder whether your spouse may suffer from ADD or ADHD, tune in to find out the signs to watch out for and what you can do to bring peace to your home. Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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July 9, 2009, 1:54 pm CDT

Thanks Dr. Phil

I think it was about a year ago that I posted this topic as a suggestion on your site.  I have been in therapy most of my life (trauma issues).  My husband and I had been together for 10 years when we started having  terriblel marital problems.  My issues made it very confusing to realize that he also had a problem.  I finally encouraged my husband to come to therapy with me.  Through the work of our therapist, she diagnosed that she believed him to have ADD. 


My husband is a brilliant, successful and is a kind, caring person (accounting systems consultant), but he had started driving me insane!  I was literally on the verge of divorce.  Fortunately he ended up seeing a psychiatrist where he was officially diagnosed.  What is so ironic is that he has always misunderstood my problems with depression and struggled with me through medication changes.  He wouldn't even take an aspirin!


Anyway, after trying various medications, he has finally found the right one and his behavior changed from night today.  We joke about it now.  There are days (on weekends) when he doesn't take the medication(because it effects his sleep - there are always downsides to everything) and I can immediately tell and say "Did you take your pill today!"


I'm glad you did the show.  I know it will help many people.

July 9, 2009, 1:55 pm CDT

I am proud of you!

Quote From: lauralp

I just saw the show on Adults living with ADD. It put alot of things in prespective- The only thing I think Dr Phil could do better with or a different angle is How about the wife having Adult ADD and how that effects a marraige. I know how tough this can be. I'm a female, wife, and mother living with ? Adult ADD I would like DR Phil to have my husband on and discuss how hard it is opn him to be the spouse of someone with ADD. The show did show me that I should persue the final diagnoses To help not only myself but the happieness of my family.
  • Hi! I am an Adhd coach and you have just taken the first step by accepting the diagnosis! It is very difficult to diagnos Adhd and you need to find the right professional to assist you with that. I am familiar with that and there is a short evaluation in Dr. Halloway's book. I really respect him and have read everything he has written, but there are also many other wonderful authors as well. One book that I would like to recommend is You Mean, I Am Not Lazy, Stupid or Dumb! This will really help you understand Adhd even more. I would also like to suggest that you locate a CHADD group in your area and get the names of some psychiatrists that specialize in Adult ADHD and not just children. Chadd is a wonderful resource to utilize. They also have support groups there. Please be patient and not so hard on yourself because you are not broken!  You just have to learn to adapt and make some accomadations. Adhd people are wonderful, intelligent and caring people. Best of luck to you! If you have any questions. please contact me at
  •                                  Sincerely,
  •                                  Debbie


July 9, 2009, 2:27 pm CDT

07/09 Is it Over? A Divorce Solution

I just got through watching your show and have to say that my 17yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4.  Joshua has had a very hard life especially with his schooling and peers.  His medication has changed several times through out his life up until the past 3 yrs.  He has finally found the medication that works the best for him.  I am afraid of the possible long term affects.  My question is do you still think that he could still out grow his ADHD  after being diagnosed this long.  I feel for anyone who has to go through any of this.  It is a hard thing to go through, especially for the one with the diagnosis.

July 9, 2009, 2:28 pm CDT


I am a 66 yr old bipolar female who raised 2 kids alone. Most of the time I was off my meds. I have now been med-compliant for 10 years. I assumed my daughters moods swings were probably symptoms of bipolar. There is almost every kind of  mental illness in my family. We say, "you shake our family tree, better run for cover!" and we're not kidding. But after watching this show, ADD or ADHD would be a blessing (please do not feel I am diminishing anybody's problems by saying this, but living with bipolar can be a nightmare) and I loved watching the Dr. Hallowel. Such energy and positive thinking can be so contagious! I am definitely going to get his book and look into this closer.

Again, please,I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or sensitivies because I have lived with mental illness all my life. Is there one that is easier to live with than any other? I surely don't know. I pray every night to quiet the demons that are still in my head, even though I take plenty of medication.  This is why I  would hope for ADD. 

July 9, 2009, 3:08 pm CDT

07/09 Is it Over? A Divorce Solution

Quote From: younglindsay

My husband has ADD and is also dyslexic. He is a successful lawyer, businessman, husband, and loyal friend. ADD does not mean lazy, rude, and disorganized.
Your husband must have received enough help as a younger person to learn skills neccessary for success.  Not everyone has had that opportunity.  Coming from a mother of two teenage children both diagnosed, one with ADD and one with ADHD.  Your husband has picked the perfect occupation for dealing with this, he has many things to do and their are strict rules to follow for success.
July 9, 2009, 4:31 pm CDT

New Mama, possibly have ADD

Hi there. I am a 23 year old new mother and have been frustrated the short 23 years I have lived. Whether it is studying and forgetting everything when it counts the most, or leaving cabinet doors open only for my legally blind fiance to run into them. It has been an uphill struggle, and it has only become more crucial in the last 2 years or so, being in a serious relationship, beginning motherhood and starting a new family. I find it extremely hard to communicate with my fiance, as he is very analytical and detailed about everything. For me, I will be happy to successfully execute a serious conversation and actually remember what we talked about. I know it is frustrating for him, and it is very frustrating for me as well. We have arguments regularly about the same things. They are usually based upon my attitude and how I can't control my actions and I always forget some of the most important things. I believe that I am a very smart woman, I just have no idea where to start. My fiance deserves to have his future wife o bethere for himand helping him with day to day activities and chores. With his limited sight, It leaves a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and I can't afford to be forgetful, and distracted. In addition to that, our 7 month ld son deserves to have a mother who is there for him, and able to teach him to read and write without getting off track.
July 9, 2009, 5:10 pm CDT


I think I have adhd.  However same as everything else diet and excercise is the best medicine.  With myself whenever have a poor diet I am sure to have episodes.  When I walk everyday I find I am more organized with my thoughts and my house.  
July 9, 2009, 9:28 pm CDT

07/09 Is it Over? A Divorce Solution

 I had just come from meeting with an edcuational therapist who tested my 10yr old son.  she suspects he is ADD something that I had been wondering for a while.  She also reffered me to a psychiatrist and since the meeting I've been thinking what are my options and how i can help my son.  This program really helped me a lot.
July 10, 2009, 8:24 am CDT

07/09 Is it Over? A Divorce Solution

Hi Dr Phil,


Loved this show it made me cry - my husband and I wil have been married for 27 years in August.  I sometimes wonder how we ever made it this far.  He has ADD and PTS signs of which I did not pick up on during our dating and probably not for the first 3 years - I knew he was angry about his child hood his dad died when he was only 5 years old, so I guess I just figured that some day he would get over it.  Vietnam did not help his well being of course. 


When he was growing up most boys with ADD were labeled simply as bad boys.  No sympathy, compassion or even trying to correct the situation with love and understanding.


When our son was born in 1985 I knew almost from the get go that something was different (I have a son from a previous marriage) so the turbulence really began.  I feel very fortunate that as a child I was loved and nutured by my parents so that is the approach I took - got him to his physician when he was in first grade looking for answers - we were sent to a physcologist and the ADD was diagnosed.  I quit my job and stayed home with him - went to school with him and stayed in his classroom with him everyday - then second grade - the most wonderful teacher came on board and I didn't need to sit in the classroom with him everyday.  We began medication as well.


In the mean time my husband still struggled he did see the physcologist a few times and that did help not with just the ADD but the PTS as well.  Unfortunately he did not continue.  But we have managed he tells me sometimes that I'm not his mother I can only laugh because I'm definitely not his mother.


Anyway thank you for the show I'm sorry my husband didn't see the whole thing - he now suffers from alhziemers, prostrate cancer, and neourapathy so he sleeps alot.


I did want to say that the couple at the end that appeared to communicate just fine, I think what she wanted from you was a fix so that everyday didn't have to be a work in progress.


Thanks Dr. Phil

July 10, 2009, 10:08 am CDT

ADHD in Adults person needs Help

Thank you Dr Phil and Dr. Hallowell,  I have read both books and it was an eye opener to me at least to know that could  first finish the books and was not going crazy! just a little bit maybe :-)  The hard part is finding someone to be knowlegable and someone specfic  psychiatrist, or support group iin the Tampa, FL area ts been a real task and challange-and you know how we love challanges, As far with my Health Provider- I really have insisted that I need someone specialized because in the past its been a waste of time and money and had one doctor diagnose me with med's in about 20mins- I felt like I was the doctor- when they are not specialized- I pass every ADHD symptoms test with very high grades- And know that I am special and have been dealing with it and - I had been doing pretty good in hiding my negatives over the years- but now in my 50's I have been really struggling and need HELP- becoming more emotional and forgetful and talk in riddles my kids say- and lately become very frustrated and Distracted  really bothers me- my mind is going 50miles a minute- So if anyone has suggestions for me in the Tampa, Fl area please HELP-

Thank you and sincerely, Norma

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