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Topic : 06/26 Frustrated Moms

Number of Replies: 59
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, March 26, 2009, 04:06:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/01/09) America is teeming with people who are frustrated by rising unemployment, lack of affordable health care and mounting foreclosures. Dr. Phil talks to children who say they are silently shouldering their parents’ rage. He meets with two sets of siblings -- sisters Kelsey, 12, and Courtney, 13; and sister and brother Skyler, 17, and Shane, 15 -- who say their mother's anger has them walking on eggshells. What do the kids say are their biggest fears? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with Kelsey and Courtney’s mom, Lisa, alone. Lisa says her Jekyll-and-Hyde personality causes her to verbally attack her daughters. Find out what incident caused her to fly into a rage and kick one of her kids out! What’s behind the mom’s fury? Dr. Jim Sears, renowned pediatrician and co-host of the hit show The Doctors weighs in. Then, Skyler and Shane’s mother, Shawnda, says she’s on edge every day and fears that rage is slowly killing her. She says she cusses like a sailor in the home and calls her children horrible names such as bitch and retard. Can Shawnda learn to get her temper under control? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s eight coping steps for verbally abusive parents. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 1, 2009, 4:37 pm CDT

Angry Moms - Borderline Personality Disorder

Dr. Phil doesn't like to use labels, as he has said a few times before. The name Borderline Personality Disorder is certainly a misnomer (wrongly named). It should be named Disregulatory Mood Disorder. Labels are not excuses. With labels, we get help. There have been many shows now showing angry moms with the exact manifestation of rages, though BPD affects men just as much. Dr. Phil finally said after April 1's show (today), that he sees a very close pattern. This is shameful, because I am like this. I parented a daughter like this. There is a biological component to this. No one starts suddenly being angry. It starts in adolescence. Meds. can help, but the specific treatment is called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I see in the message boards that people expect to get some help from today's show. How can they when all he does is show these moms raging? Where is the help? I guess my consolation is that he has said they will be getting help for the one mom. There is a complete diagnostic checklist used to diagnose and treat this disorder (very long list, not the one in the DSM). The son even said they had to walk on eggshells around his mom. Pretty big hint, eh? But still no mention of a label that may help so many of us. Cutting and suicide can be part of this, so its time to be clear here:  Stop Walking on Eggshells and Stop Working on Eggshells Workbook and Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook, New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder. These are for help. For great information,
Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified is the best. I can't quite get that not labelling people thing Dr. Phil uses. I did once see him label the guy with Narcissistic Personality Disorder that was trying to change his "fat" wife. We label in order to treat. Hope this helps. Why can't we have a show on just DBT skills, which can benefit EVERYONE. We do love Dr. Phil.
April 1, 2009, 4:51 pm CDT

my 2 cents

I didnt even have to hear what dr Phil was going to say to her, because I knew.  Idid the same thing to my 3 year old.  My son's dad had mistreated us and we separated but the scares from the abuse continued on after the divorce.  I made my son pay for his dads abuse.   It wasnt until I went to alanon that I realized my sons chances of being an Alcoholic would be increased if I continued to treat him badly.   It was then that I began to change.   Before that nothing made me change.  I was angry! just like her.  I took it on out my son for no reason.  He was only 3.  I was educated and knew better but could not stop.  I felt that I was a worthless human bean.  I have felt that way my whole life.   I know that my mother must of felt that way because she was abusive also.   I have changed my son is 12.  It took a long time to get better.  The abuse did not stop until I felt that I was worthy of a good day.   A light bulb went on.  I started telling my mother that she was a good mother and she is worthy of feeling good about herself.  And becasue she is so deserving of my love that I spend 1 weekend with her every month.   I wish she had felf worthy of herself when I was growing up.  But people are so resilient and so are kids they can for give you.  I believe I needed some proffesional help so I was sick.  Mental sickness needs attention also.  Never to late to get better.  There is help and there are cures.  I work 6 days a week but I  make sure my immediate needs are met enough sleep good diet,  excersize.  I treat my son great because we deserve it and we are worth every bit of happiness.
April 1, 2009, 5:10 pm CDT

04/01 Angry Moms

I was looking at your show on angry mom and I said that me .
April 1, 2009, 5:13 pm CDT

04/01 Angry Moms

these moms i saw today was psycho. why on earth are they allowed to still have these kids in their custody is beyond me. They need to realize their problems are not the kids faults and they are very wrong for blaming them. I understand life can be stressful but that's no excuse for treating kids like crap. My life can be stressful but I don't treat my kid bad. They need to see a shrink and have the kids taken awy.
April 1, 2009, 9:14 pm CDT

I sure would like to talk to these moms and others

I too WAS an angry mom.  I yelled and screamed at my son, calling him names, cussing him out - taking every bit of life's frustrations out on him.  I never physically abused him, but I came as close as one can get.  Even in the midst of such fits of rage, I knew what I was doing was wrong, I knew I should stop, but I wasn't able to.  At other times, when life didn't seem so stressfull, we were very close. 


So Dr. Phil said something to the first mom today that hit very close to home for me.  He asked her how she would feel if she never saw her daughters again.


My son, Aaron, who was my emotional punching bag was killed in a car accident 4 1/2 years ago.  Everyday, I live with the guilt and regret of our relationship.  Why didn't I see then what a great kid he was?  Why didn't I appreciate him? 


The good news is, my other 2 children now see a different side of me.  I have learned whats important in my life, and its my family.  Not money, not success, not anything that makes me less of a mom than my kids deserve!

April 2, 2009, 3:24 am CDT

the mom

Quote From: cmdirks

I've been watching the previews for this show and am anxious and waiting for it to air.  From what I have seen so far, I KNOW this episode will help me.  I don't abuse my kids, but I have been a stay-at-home mom for about 4 years now.  I have definitely lost my temper more times than I am comfortable with.  Some of the things the mom has said just from the previews I've said to myself, "I know how she feels.  I know exactly where she's coming from."   Especially when she says she feels like sometimes she just can't control her emotions.  We're adults, we know how and we are expected to.  But there are those just see red and feel like a volcano about to erupt.  And you're supposed to walk away, calm down, breathe.  How easy, so simple, to say.  SO MUCH HARDER to actually do in the moment. 


Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Phil, for deciding to take this topic on.  This is the life-saver I've been waiting for. 

when I saw that show I said that me I feel so bad
April 2, 2009, 5:54 am CDT

Angry Moms

My mother was a screamer and emotional abuser. It took years of therapy to realize why I wasn't able to value myself. She always found ways to hurt our souls in the most sacred places. It was almost like she knew our secret dreams and deliberately trample all over them.  I now can realize it came from a place in her that I couldn't fix. I was just a little girl. She still is extremely self centered in how she can twist the past to make herself feel better. One of the posters was correct in saying, we remember every word.  My mother is now 83yrs old and we all are there for her, but the resentment is always looming. And! She still downgrades our wonderful accomplishments. I now take it as a complement ; ) since I can clearly see she resents it when we are happy.

April 2, 2009, 7:13 am CDT

Angry mom asking for help

I too was an angry mom. How the mom treated her kids on the show reminded me of myself.  I had           been doing the same thing to my 12yr. old son just not as bad. I recently had to admitt to my pastor and son that how I was treating my son was wrong and I had to stop. I am seeking help now by getting my son and I into counseling. I used to scream , yell , swear , and call my son names. I have not done any of these behaviors for almost 2wks. through counseling with my pastor and prayer. I ask god every  day to help me to change and not treat my son like I used to. I just take it one day at a time that is the only way I can do it. The first step is to admitt you have a problem and be willing to get help.It is never too late to get help.
April 2, 2009, 7:34 am CDT

Angry mom seeking help

The way the mom on the show treated her kids reminded me of myself just not as bad. I do  not   even know why  I  am so angry. I used to yell, scream , swear, and call my son names until I finally admitted I had a problem and started asking for help. I am getting my son and I into family counseling and regular counseling for both of us just different therapist. Although my son still yells , swears , and calls me names because he may have learned some of it from me I have stopped doing it. Through counseling with my pastor and prayer. I ask god every day to help me to change and not treat my son this way. I take it one day at a time. that is the only way I can do it. I have not yelled, screamed, said swears or called my son names in almost 2wks. I  have admitted to my son that the way I had been treating him is wrong and asked him for forgiveness. I also told  him    I was going to try real hard not to do it anymore. I am relearning how to talk to him without anger. It is never too late to get help. You first have to admitt you have a problem and ask for help.
April 2, 2009, 11:39 am CDT

Take some responsibilty!!

I am so, so tired of Mothers, Step-Mothers using their children as their sounding posts to yell verbal abuse causing emotional scars which last a lifetime. There is always an excuse, " I am struggling with finances", etc. Get a grip!! Life is tough!! You chose to have children, and how dare you blame, abuse, threaten them? I sound harsh, but  following a life of abuse and loss, I can be. I have bi-polar, which is treated very effectively with medication; I have suffered tremendous loss of marriage, jobs, my home, and too many losses to list, however, through all of my anger, frustration, hearbreak and sadness, I maintained the focus of being a wonderful and loving Mother to my children, Why? I have a responsibilty to love and care for them; life is hard enough, and home is 'supposed' to be a safe haven for our children. So I say to Dr. Phil's 'Angry Moms' wake up, pull yourselves together and love your children EVERYDAY! They did not ask for this, and do not deserve this, so grow-up, and start acting like their Mother..
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