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Topic : 07/13 Affairs of the Heart

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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:13:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/04/09) Can married people be friends with someone of the opposite sex without sex getting in the way? At what point does a friendly relationship become an affair of the heart or emotional infidelity? Meet Randy, who says his wife, Amanda, has crossed the line. He says that during their 11-year marriage, Amanda has been emotionally unfaithful time and time again, with men ranging from online acquaintances to a rock-and-roll singer who happened to be Randy’s best friend. As a former Navy Seal, Randy says he feels like he’s in a constant state of red alert because he has to watch his wife like a hawk. Amanda says her emotional entanglements are just fantasies, not real cheating. She’s not looking to replace her husband but merely wants a little more freedom, because she says Randy’s controlling behavior makes her feel like a prisoner in her own marriage. Can this union, rocked by betrayal and facing a true time of reckoning, continue? And how great a role does drinking play in Amanda’s indiscretions? Plus, the couple’s three little girls suffer the fallout from their mom and dad’s problems. Learn the classic parenting mistake Amanda and Randy make that you don’t want to repeat. Talk about the show here.

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July 14, 2009, 7:10 am CDT

07/13 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: crazymomtosix

I find the notion that married men and women can't have friends of the opposite sex absolutely absurd.  I have been happily married for almost 16 years and both my husband and I have always had friends of the opposite sex.  My best friend is a man.  I've had lunch with him.  I speak to him on the phone frequently.  We e-mail back and forth.  He has been a guest in our home.  My husband is well aware of it.  He has no issues with it.  I have no issues with his female friends.  I trust him.  He trusts me.  We're both adults. We have a healthy and happy marriage.  The problem in this situation is Randy is a control freak and Amanda is childish and immature.  They both need therapy.
Did someone say you cannot have friends of the opposite sex? Sure you can!

The key thing in your situation is it is all up front. There is total and complete transparency. Plus I'm guessing that you do not have a history of being unfaithful.

I find both of them rather pathetic but for different reasons.
July 14, 2009, 7:50 am CDT

07/13 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: yikes17

He is her safety net, a paycheck. Nothing more.

Clearly she does not love him. I saw nothing that leads me to believe that she will ever change. Sadly I saw nothing in him that leads me to believe that he has the stones to say enough is enough and take the kids and leave.

If he can't step up like a man and end this, then sadly, he deserves what he gets. The problem is, their kids don't.
It's downright sickening to see people, be they men or women, put up with such shabby treatment from their spouses, isn't it? They're afraid of taking up for themselves for fear of "losing" what? Nothing worth a flip, if you ask me.
July 14, 2009, 6:41 pm CDT

This is a real eye-roller...

This guy doesn't trust his wife. He has serious doubts about his wife's devotion to him. So he hangs on, and hangs on, skulking around, spying on her. He's just pathetic! A nutless wonder. If he had a pair, he would CUT HER LOOSE!! I just can't see how a real man would want a woman who doesn't want him. The only thing I can think is that he is so insecure, so WEAK, that he feels he has to assert his POSSESSION of his wife. She's not a person, she's TERRITORY, the rights to which he feels he must protect and guard, not for HER sake, but for the sake of whatever debased currency passes for his self-respect.

Eighteen years ago, my first wife started an affair with a co-worker, another woman. When I found out about it, I told her to make up her mind. She told me that she wanted to continue seeing this woman, but didn't see why our marriage should have to end. I told her that she could not play for both teams at once. She had to choose or I would choose for her. We divorced and she remains with her lesbian lover to this day. I took lots of criticism from both sides of our family because I didn't "fight" to keep her. My position was - and still is - that while I loved my wife and it hurt terribly to lose her, a marriage license is not a deed; she was not my property. I didn't think any good could come from trying to hold on to someone who wanted to be somewhere else. It's just that simple.

As for his wife, I think she's just MEAN. SHE gets off on all this drama. Her behavior is driving him NUTS and she is just LOVING it! She's just LOVING how she can go around and "make friends" with all these other men; it makes her feel more sexy and desirable. And her husband going looney tunes over her behavior ALSO feeds right into her feelings of increased desirability, giving her MORE motivation to keep up and further expand her "social activities" with the opposite gender.

She has started a runaway positive feedback loop for her ego and she's got her idiot husband helping her with it, with him nipping at her ankles like a bug-eyed, quivering, yappy chihuahua!

Bottom line is, she is a self-absorbed, manipulative little ice princess who has the great fortune to be married to a damned fool.
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