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Topic : 08/26 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

Number of Replies: 107
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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:12:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/03/09) Send the kids out of the room because Dr. Phil is talking about sex! Was the passion off the charts when you first started dating your spouse, but now your bedroom is a dead zone? If so, it’s time to resuscitate your relationship! With the help of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, host of TLC’s Shalom in the Home and author of the book, The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life, Dr. Phil speaks with couples who say they’ve lost their libidos and want to bring back the magic. First up is Joy and Mark who say they haven’t had sex in almost four years. In fact, Joy says the last great sex she had was in 1988! Find out why Mark is terrified to make love to his wife. And, Kim and Adam have been married only four months and say they fight more than they have sex. How can they enjoy the honeymoon phase when they go to bed mad at each other? Plus, don’t miss the top five reasons you should have sex! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 3, 2009, 4:13 pm CST

More love

You know it is weird how Dr. Phil hit the nail on the forehead about how sex doesn't actually have to be about the act, it can be as simple as a touch.  I wish that more couples took the time out to love each other and not make it all about sex.  My husband and I share a relationship that runs alot deeper then most because we take that time.  For example, we always go to bed early so we can just be together.  I will spend hours with him just talking and caressing him.  People need to start touching and caressing each other more... just enjoying each other.  The biggest sex organ is the brain for sure!
March 3, 2009, 4:19 pm CST

my husband

My husband works and so do I, but I work from home.  Since I am home I work really hard to make sure that we have a clean house.  I take my son to activites and love finding new things to do.  My husband is always wanting sex but I find it hard when he gets mad at me because I forgot to do one thing.  OH yeah, did I mention I go to school parttime too.  I know sex is important so make time for it.  I have talked to my husband because in order for me to do this, I want his help. He doesn't plan anything for us to do, he never helps with the child at night unless I tell him to, and he never asks what does alycia need.  HE is boring, because he would whether go to coffee with his friends then do an activity with his family. we have had talks but nothing seem to happen on his part. I want more and he doesn't understand he just gets frustrated. help!
March 3, 2009, 4:35 pm CST

Today's Show

I watched most of today's show. I agree with most everything that Rabbi Shmuley said today. Especially, the part where women need affection. How true, this is. There's nothing more beautiful than getting affection from the guy you adore. At the same time, there is nothing more disgusting than getting affection from an unwanted suitor, such as a guy who wants you but you don't want him. I think the Rabbi's faith is a very good faith because it knows the truth about most things, and although I am a Christian, I still do believe in the Rabbi's faith, which is the root of my own, two thousand millennia ago. I think we should not be afraid to tell the world when we believe in a certain ideology which is correct in its thinking and beliefs, even if it is a little different than our own. So, I agree with affection for women and love for good, high quality men, who deserve good women to love them. I am lucky that I have been shown true affection by very few but very good decent men.
March 3, 2009, 4:51 pm CST

desperate in simi

My boyfriend and i have been living together for 5 years the sex has died. the last time we did have sex was 5 months ago!
I am 39 and in baby mode hes 58 .
I asked him many times for sex in the last 4 months and i wont have sex with him if he has not showered.
just reasontly hes showerd 3 times in 4 months. I cant do it when hes dirty. he lacks modivation and his appearence has fallen.
he works a regular job, and goes over to his buddys house and works on eletronics in the evenings for 4 hrs a day.
what can i do ? i have tried standing ther in front of him nakedand asked for sex but hed tobusy watching tv any sujuestions???
March 3, 2009, 4:54 pm CST

I'm in the spiral

Dear Dr. Phil,
   I just got done watching the show today on more sex, less fighting.  It was as if it was speaking to me.  I am a 30year old woman, married for 2 1/2 years and have a 3month old son.  Pretty much since we conceived our son, there has been little sex in our marriage.  I can count on one hand how many times.  I am the one with all the excuses and the guilt is really starting to get to me.  I was so sick at the beginning of the pregnancy.  Then I was so tired.  Then I was too big.  THen it hurt.  I did talk to my doctor about how intercourse hurt and they felt it was the position of the baby in the womb.  Now, since he's been born, it's been because of how tired I am, and it still hurts (I had many, many stitches).  We tried having sex once since our son was born and it hurt so bad, I gave up.  I think he's scared to even try.  It doesn't help that I have NOOO drive.  I had very little drive pre-baby when I was young and got lot's of sleep.  He's not exactly a romantic, either.  Like the women on your show, he didn't even think to get me a Valentine's Day card this year.  I feel I need to direct him in every aspect of life and I am more the Mom than a wife and lover. 
   I don't know how to get out of this cycle!  I feel like it's a spiral of no sex, then it's awkward, and we're just falling into a routine that involves us going to bed at different times without so much as a kiss.  There's no passion.  I do feel guilty and want to get out of it, but don't know how.  I look forward to you follow up show you spoke of.
March 3, 2009, 6:00 pm CST

No Sex at all

ssHi Dr. Phil


I am 44 years and have been married 7 years. I watched the show today and eveerything that was said on the show describes my marriage sex life. Since October 2007, we have not have sex. My husband was priagnosed with prostate cancer in October 2007. He had surgery in December 2007. His drive and everything else was taken away from him. I understand this. But I strongly feel that there should be or must be some type of affection, emotion, feeling, something . He always say he doesn't feel anything, the desire is not there. I sometimes think he's just using this disease to avoid doing anything. I think he's lieing. We may kiss 2-3 times a week. I ask him to please show some type of affection. And he won't, he says it's not there, he can't feel nothing. I don't feel desirable, I feel he's not attractive to me, and I'm just tired and bored. I think regardless of the fact that his manhood, he should consider my feelings and desires, and show me something, kiss my neck, massage my neck, tell me how I look. I think I'm a nice looking lady, I get compliments from other men all the time, and I feel so good when another man tells me I look nice, or hey pretty girl, and it really, really feel good when I get that. Strangers that takes a second look or who flirt use to get on my nerve, but now I enjoy the flirting. I'm scard that our marriage will drizzle, because sex to me is important in a marriage.

March 3, 2009, 6:04 pm CST


  • The woman today on How to have more sex, less fighting.  The one with the 28 year old husband who is too tired for sex....and they fight 9 times out of 10 before they go to bed.

Question:  Did she say she was 45yrs old?  I could have sworn she did!

March 3, 2009, 6:38 pm CST


My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years. For the first few years everything was great but more recently we haven't been having much sex at all.  The only time he can have sex with me is after he has been drinking.  I've tried to talk to him about how this makes me feel but he always says it has nothing to do with me and that its more of a confidence issue with himself.  I don't understand this because he never used to have to drink in order to have sex.  I try not to bring it up anymore because it only upsets him and I don't want to make him feel bad if it really bothers him that much.  Lately I've been more worried because I'm not going to get married if we cant work this out. Please let me know what else I can do or why he feels he needs to do this. Thank you for your help.
March 3, 2009, 7:04 pm CST

I Want More!

I can't wait to hear more from the author of this book!  I couldn't believe the show was over, I felt like there was so much to learn, and he made so much sense.  I loved the idea of not being taken for granted , and not to assume that your spouse will just be there.  I am a big believer in you have to work in your relationship everyday somehow let your spouse know you love them.  We thrive on human interaction so if we are not recieving it we do tend to be tempted to look other places.  That is a scary road to go down or to send your lover down.  By not supplying our partners needs we rob ourselves of the intimate relationship we desire the most.  Thank you for this show and I can't wait to see the follow up show I hope it is soon.
March 3, 2009, 7:20 pm CST

It's been 8 years

My husband took me out for coffee 8 years ago and took both of my hands into his and said, "I have no interest in having sex with you unless you lose weight.  I've thought about and here are some incentives for you:  You weigh 140 now.  If you get back down to 130, I will be more affectionate.  If you get down to 125, I will tell you I love you every day."

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