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Topic : 08/26 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

Number of Replies: 107
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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:12:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/03/09) Send the kids out of the room because Dr. Phil is talking about sex! Was the passion off the charts when you first started dating your spouse, but now your bedroom is a dead zone? If so, it’s time to resuscitate your relationship! With the help of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, host of TLC’s Shalom in the Home and author of the book, The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life, Dr. Phil speaks with couples who say they’ve lost their libidos and want to bring back the magic. First up is Joy and Mark who say they haven’t had sex in almost four years. In fact, Joy says the last great sex she had was in 1988! Find out why Mark is terrified to make love to his wife. And, Kim and Adam have been married only four months and say they fight more than they have sex. How can they enjoy the honeymoon phase when they go to bed mad at each other? Plus, don’t miss the top five reasons you should have sex! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 3, 2009, 3:22 pm CST

How to make it happen

Dr.Phill Great show!

Now if I could just get my husband to see it.  We have been married for 3yrs. and I new that intimacy was disapearing right before we got married. It started out GREAT I never new it could be so amazing. I just thought maybe it was our age difference we are 13yrs. apart in age I'm  30 and he is 43 thinking that it was something medical but maybe it's not.  It's been a difficult subject for my husband he is a councler so I thought he would understand the importance of this subject.  We  do talk about it and nothing ever changes.  He works out of town all week  I've become use to living by myself so it has been easier for me to deal with. He just excepted his old job back where he use to work so now he will be home which I am so happy and greatful because I really do miss him. I'm also worried about my feelings.  I'ts hard to deal with over time I start to feel hurt and anger toward him and often just don't want to be around him.  I'm tired of getting rejected and I feel like I work my butt off at the gym not only to be healthy but to have my husband appreciate it and to make me  feel like a sexy beautiful women that he desires.  It often feels like we are roommates. Thanks for all the info. maybe I can get my husband to read the Rabbi's book but I think its only wishful thinking.  I'm not real sure why I wrote this but maybe just to vent on the subject so thank you for that.

March 3, 2009, 3:23 pm CST

Rejection..then what

Ok so the show was ok today, but it should of been much longer. I wish so bad me and my boyfriend could go on, we need help more than anyone i feel. He says ask yourself what YOU can do to bring the intimacy back, ok, so what if you do this and get NOTHING in response?"  but more rejection, i have tried the text messages and stuff and i get no reply, no comment, nothing. My boyfriend is more the woman like they described on the show than the man. Cuz its opposite i always want it, he rarely does. and it has ruined my self esteem to the point now, if he rejects me or says he cant do anything sexually cuz hes sick or whatever EXCUSE it is, i go into a rage, histerical rage, throw things, threaten to cheat. He just doesnt get it that i need to feel sexy and wanted. No matter how i try to say it . I have bought sex books and he thinks thats gross and perverted...I am only 34 and fee llike im in my 50s hes only 38 and claims how hes soo old ...pretty sad..It wasnt this bad int he beginning of our relationship..he refuses now since the 2nd month we were together to do any oral on me at all, so its been years since i have gotten that..he thinks romance is just about being together like going out to dinner, which it is NOT in my book. I want the massages, the candles, the kisses all over which i never get none of no matter how many times i ask,. He wont even kiss my neck, i tell him all the time that that turns me on bigtime, he just WONT do it..what am i supposed to do? he watched the show today w me, didnt say much but ask me if i was listening when they talked about sex being more than just intercourse, but its him that needed to listen to that.
One thing that really upset me was the dr said 80% of men fantasize about other woman while making love to their wife or girlfriend..WHAT that made me feel so sick...WHY? my boyfriend said hes one of the 20% who doesnt do that, but i dont buy it..i mean why be with someone if you need to fantasize about someone else..that just makes me very sick to my stomach...i wish we could be on the next show cuz we need help asap...i am going insane..its been 2 1/2 years of this...and i am not getting any younger. I have never had this problem with ANY OTHER man in my life..but for some reason i cant leave him. I do love him, i just am so hurt, depressed due to the fact its been so long since ive felt like  a woman, or an attractive one at that,. kids arent an excuse either we both have teenage daughters who we do not have to tend to all the time..someone HELP!
March 3, 2009, 3:25 pm CST

03/03 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

I am 6 months pregnant and i know that allot of women get more urges to have sex.  Mine is completely gone.  My poor husband doesn't get anything anymore.  I don't know what to do.  I was hoping maybe the sex urge would come back later in the pregnancy but it just seems to be getting worse.  What can i do to make it better or at least not leave my husband out to dry. 
March 3, 2009, 3:35 pm CST

not sure

dr.phil said ask your what you can do?? maybe some one can help me . I love my husband we have been married for 24 years. At the begining he would help with everything but know because he works part time and goes to school full time I have all of it to do .Thats from paying debts to picking up after him. When he is ready I"M not. You have to know alittle about me I "ve had 2 C-sections, 2 disk removed in my neck. and other things with my health that he does not understand. I love him and I know he loves me but I just don't fell like I should. I am going thru menopose so it's gone I fell like how do you bring it back????????????????SOMEONE PLEASE HELP
March 3, 2009, 3:52 pm CST

Sex can get better with time

We've been married 34 years, raised 4 children, and we are having the best sex of our lives. It's very rare for us not to have sex each night. We did have a rough patch in our marriage about 14 or 15 years ago when we went for about a year without sex ... and were barely speaking to each other. Neither of us was happy.  We promised to never let it happen again. We have never fought much. Actually, I'd get upset about something at times ... and he'd agree with me making a fight impossible. The only names we've ever called each other are affectionate ones.
March 3, 2009, 4:02 pm CST

another option

Quote From: ocd_nd

I can not wait for todays show, because for as long as I can remember - Sex - has been many things.

Enjoyable is not one of them.  As a youth it was stigma, due to religious belief.  Don't have it till your married.  Then I got married, and it was painful, and not enjoyable, and I just didn't get anything out of it.

Now as an adult going into my early 40s -I have had to come to terms with it on my own, but I don't have what one would call a sex drive.


Sure, I like the company sometimes, but in the end,  I do not get any pleasure or joy from the act.

I guess I feel more like a Vulcan from Star Trek then anything now.

 It seems possible that you have never experienced an orgasm. Many men do not seem to know how to  givie women true pleasure so that the women also "come" during love making. Try masterbating or buy a simple vibrator and get to know your clitoris - it can be the source of immense pleasure. If you find that you like having orgasms then encourage your husband to have oral sex with you as part of your love making so that you can experience pleasure as well.

March 3, 2009, 4:04 pm CST

03/03 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

I have to say I must have went the longest without having sex or any intimacy. I have been in a long relationship for over three years. We have not had sex or anything for over two years!


I have the same problem as many of these women too. I am always in the mood, my Boyfriend is never in the mood. I think he thinks of me as a maid not like a girlfriend. It is quite frustrating. But what else can you do?


I am very tempted to read this book, maybe it will be an insight to some of the problems

March 3, 2009, 4:06 pm CST

I agreee

Quote From: hazel3911

 On the first couple that were on there, and he was saying that he has had 5 heart attacks, and is on 9 different meds, so that is why he doesnt have much sex and worrying about having a heart attack while having sex, But you know it doesnt always have to do with him having the sex, there is a thing called ORAL SEX, that he could do for her, i think that would be just as satisfying , I think that would even help some too. I dont think that would get his heart goin as fast as if they were having intercourse, so there is ways around to please her. Also there is alot of sex toys out there too that they could try and that would be something different for them as well to experiment with.  
 I too wondered why no one was suggesting that he please her with oral sex. Either partner can do this even if their libido is not wanting sex for themselves. This may not be as complete as if both parties enjoyed the love making but it does bring intimacy and pleasure into the relationship.
March 3, 2009, 4:06 pm CST

Sexual inhibitions

What advice can be given for having more sex and releasing sexual inhibitions from past sexual assault. My husband and I do not have sex as much as we would both like but I have deep rooted feelings towards the act that inhibit my ability to be free. I do not have the strength to allow myself to say that I want to have sex and be comfortable doing so. The lights must be out, after the act I don't like talking about it. There is no discussion about fantansies.
March 3, 2009, 4:12 pm CST


Before I met my husband, I dieted (starved) myself down to acceptable weight. The family I'm from has a genetic issue with fat. I have to work and nearly starve myself to keep the fat manageable and I found out that hubby really does want the same woman he married nearly 40 lbs ago. I suppose I should have warned him that it took all my strength to be who he thought I was and now, nearly 5 years later, I'm paying the price for blowing the boundaries. It was a gradual thing but at 59 years old, I feel like wow, here I go again; terminated from a job of 18 years, worries about finances, no health insurance and now this. I watch the things I put in my mouth but he thinks that I snack too much. Guess he's right.
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