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Topic : 08/26 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

Number of Replies: 107
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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:12:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/03/09) Send the kids out of the room because Dr. Phil is talking about sex! Was the passion off the charts when you first started dating your spouse, but now your bedroom is a dead zone? If so, it’s time to resuscitate your relationship! With the help of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, host of TLC’s Shalom in the Home and author of the book, The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life, Dr. Phil speaks with couples who say they’ve lost their libidos and want to bring back the magic. First up is Joy and Mark who say they haven’t had sex in almost four years. In fact, Joy says the last great sex she had was in 1988! Find out why Mark is terrified to make love to his wife. And, Kim and Adam have been married only four months and say they fight more than they have sex. How can they enjoy the honeymoon phase when they go to bed mad at each other? Plus, don’t miss the top five reasons you should have sex! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 3, 2009, 2:23 pm CST

Sex after menopause

How does the information shared on your show relate to a woman going thru menopause.  I have been married to my husband for 4 years and unfortunately am struggling with the issue of sex.  It's not that I have no desire for my husband....I have none period.  This is my first, last and only marriage and I don't want to loose him.
March 3, 2009, 2:26 pm CST


i'm new to this site and everything i saw on today i'm taking notes. when that time comes when i feel comfortable enough to start getting sexual with my boyfriend i can use all the tips from the rabbi. awesome show. i'm also going to get that book from today's show
March 3, 2009, 2:35 pm CST

Zero Libido

I love my husband dearly, but he is deprived and I just can't seem to help it. There are so many reasons I don't want to have sex. None of them have anything to do with him. He is great guy and other than not having much sex at all, we have a very loving, nurturing relationship. We've been married 8 years. We have a 6 year old child.


Each reason I can think of by itself could probably be dealt with - but together they seem impossible to overcome.

  1. Just not into it - After having a child - my chemistry changed completely and I became one of those Zero Libido women. It's the farthest thing from my mind. I hardly ever even have sex dreams anymore
  2. Feels Dirty - My brain knows sex is a good thing, it's perfectly natural and there is nothing wrong with it. Nevertheless, many kinds of sexual activities now feel dirty and wrong.
  3. Odor Issues - Post-pregnancy I became super-ultra sensitive to smells. The smell of body odors just plain grosses me out. If my husband and I are not both freshly showered, teeth brushed, mouthwash, cologne, scented candles, etc. forget it - I'm too disgusted to have sex.
  4. Painful - Sex is frequently painful for me because he's so big. I frequently tear no matter how much lubricant we use.
  5. Allergic? - If my husband has an orgasm inside me, it actually burns slightly. I noticed that even early in our marriage, before I got pregnant. Is it possible to be allergic to someone's fluids? I'd never had that happen to me with anyone else I was with before I was married.
  6. Extreme Body Change - In my early 30's and all through my 20's my body was very, very nice. Now, after having a kid and turning 40 my body is so different it's shocking to me. It's really hard when you used to be smoking hot and now you're practically disgusting. I wouldn't want to have sex with me if I was a guy.
  7. Don't Touch Me - I honestly don't enjoy being fondled or kissed on the mouth. It makes me cringe. I do enjoy hugs and cuddles.
March 3, 2009, 2:38 pm CST

Sex No More

My Husband and I are both in our 40's and used to have great sex.  I was never able to climax without oral sex, which my husband seemed to enjoy providing.  In the past few years he has not been interested in oral sex and actually seems to dislike it.   Since our sex life has turned into a one way street I have totally lost interest and subsequently, he has as well.

March 3, 2009, 2:45 pm CST

"Can I Ever Relate." Thank you Dr. Phil

I am a 37-year-old stay-at-home mother with 4 beautiful boys (2 are joint-custody, step-children).  I've been with my 9-year-older husband for 6 years, married for 3 years.   Sex for us was awesome and frequent in the beginning for several years.  Normal marital pressures took over (financial difficulty stages, parental differences, and time issues).  We argue almost on a regular basis now and can't seem to find our way back to why we got together in the first place.  We are the reason are sons and families are together.

I surprise him with candlelight meals, or other times wear nothing but a robe, or invite him out for a date night.  Nothing seems to work anymore.  My husband blames financial stress and his recent high blood pressure medicine for our lack of intimacy.  Being in a marriage were there is absolutely no physical attention sucks.  My mind has started to wander but my actions haven't, nor will they.  I'm interested in keeping this marriage alive because of our love.  But I'm horny!

I am aware that I should not complain and harp so much (we are very blessed with healthy children and a nice home).  Sex, including intimacy, is such a huge part of a relationship.  I'd love to get it back, but I feel like I'm on a one-way street by myself.   
March 3, 2009, 2:49 pm CST

More Sex Please!

I absolutely loved this show today!!  I watch Dr. Phil EVERYDAY!!  This show spoke to me.  For the longest time I thought I was the only woman whose husband turned her down for sex!  I thought this was a girl thing....I have tried absolutely everything to get my husband interested in sex....I have tried to wear sexy things...tried talking sexy to him....I have even tried to take his clothes off for him!!!! ---he still turned me he was tired or had a headache!....are you kidding me!!!  I even asked if he was gay!!!!!!  After all of that didn't work I finally sat him down and told him how it made me feel when he turns me down for only worked for about a week....well now we are back where we started--no sex!.....totallly frustrated....I just don't think this is normal for a man to turn down sex especially since the man in this relationship is only 25 years old!!
March 3, 2009, 3:04 pm CST

New Love no sex

I have had the new love of my life for almost 5 years now. He started out saying he wanted to go slow because of how deeply both of us had been hurt in the past. He was right, but I feel I am over my past and that he seems happy with me enough to be over his. Maybe Rabbi Shmuley can help us to get a sex life back.


Hope someone has an opinion or even cares to write back.



March 3, 2009, 3:04 pm CST

03/03 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

the fast talking rabbi made a very general statement about pregnant woman being more sexual because of the blood flow to genitals and hormones running through their bodies ... not always the case rabbi ... there are some women that want nothing to do with sex while pregnant and that is very normal.
such broad comments might make women who don't know any better feel weird for not wanting sex.
March 3, 2009, 3:09 pm CST


I'm not married but I have been with my boyfriend 3 and a half years and we live together- it seems like from the time he gets off work and gets home to the time he goes to bed all he wants to do is play on his computer and then when he goes to bed it's time to sleep no talking or any thing oh yeah I  forgot to mention the whole time he's on the computer he has his headset on so still no talking...I'm lucky to get sex even once a week- it's like I'm the only one who wants it- we're 24 so like the woman on the show said we should be having sex like rabbits what can I do?
March 3, 2009, 3:09 pm CST

03/03 How to Have More Sex, Less Fighting

What if my husband is having an affair - with his work? He is a TOTAL workaholic! Sex - not in the last 10 years and I am only 43 - he is 41. I still love him but there is no passion or intimacy. We don't have kids either so that is not an excuse. I have tried many things but after you get rejected so many times, you give up. The first couple were so like us! My anniversary card from him is still sitting on his night stand, in the bag, unsigned, from 2007! If it wasn't for the 2.5 minute phone call I get every day, I would wonder if he even cares. If I go away, he calls me even more.

We are at a standoff around the house. I refuse to be the "maid" and so only the bare minimum gets done. Why should I be the maid and the roommate who has to look after everything when I am not looked after?

I'm at a loss. I still love him. We have been married 12 years - and no, he was NOT like this before we were married, although he says he hasn't changed..yeah.. right... There is no way he will read any books or anything because nothing is wrong according to him.

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