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Topic : 01/13 Little Boy Lost

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Created on : Friday, January 09, 2009, 02:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What would you do if your little boy wanted to be a little girl? Dr. Phil continues the heated topic of gender-confused kids. After the last show, viewers had a lot to say about the subject, and the message boards lit up with their impassioned opinions. Now, Dr. Phil speaks with Toni, a mother who says she can’t stop grieving the loss of her son who, at 11, began to transition into a female. Toni feels like her son has died, and she’s having a hard time adjusting to having a daughter. Joining the discussion is family researcher Glenn Stanton and psychologist Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, who say it’s the parents' responsibility to guide their children into their gender-born identities. On the opposite side are psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and psychotherapist Dr. Michele Angello, who say children are born this way, and parents should support their children in their decision to transition to the opposite sex. What do you think is the best way to treat a child with gender identity confusion? Don’t miss the heated debate as Dr. Phil continues to explore this fervid and hotly contested topic. Then, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 13, 2009, 12:56 pm CST

01/13 Little Boy Lost

Quote From: brendawhite

Bringing God into a debate in which a Child is concerned is a moot point, the child hasn't been able to decide what gender they are yet, let alone try to comprehend the "wants" of an invisible, intactable 'figure'. How about getting off you're high throne, stop talking in CAPS, and accept people for what they are (who says God isn't the one who made them this way?) because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't let anyone change you.
January 13, 2009, 12:57 pm CST


I can not believe you gave Dr. Stanton and Mr. Nicolas a platform for their ideas.

At one point during the show you stated that only 15% of the children in this situatiion grow up to be transgender adults. I suspect that the testostrone levels change during puberty and a large number painfully swallow their own feeling and go on to lead unhappy lives to more fully be accepted by society.   I also suspect that the brainwash camp has very similar statistics. So if left alone 85% would be "normal" by why allow a child to develop their own identity when they can have their self esteem destroyed at gender camp.  It is our job to love our children, if a child is born with a physical abnormality we don't take them to a psychologist to tell us we are bad moms, absent dads and if we just try hard enough the child will shed that abnormality.

January 13, 2009, 12:57 pm CST

Father Bond

This Dr. N dude keeps saying that if there were a father bond between the Toni's middle son and the father that he would not want to be a girl. I would like to say, I am a 26 year lesbain, whose father was around, but I bonded hardcore with my mother. In your words that should have made me more of a girl than anything. Toni, I would love to say that you give parents out there hope that they can do what you did. I just want to say that if you and you kids are ever in the Chicago land area, I would love to give you and you children a hug. You remind me of my mother, who has accepted me for who I am because in the end, you want your children safe. Now for the hate teaching doctors that were on today's show. I would love to hear what you suicide rate is for the children that you say have "changed". I bet it's way higher than the kids whose parents let them live a life that made them happy.
January 13, 2009, 12:58 pm CST

01/13 Little Boy Lost

Quote From: beccab06

I would like to comment on the dr who said that bonding with the same sex parent could hinder the sex identiy of his or her child.  I think that you are so wrong in so many ways.  I myself have four boys, we are a two parent home with a loving father and a loving mother.  I want my children to be so close to us that they can tell me anything and be honest to us and themselves.  What if dr., the child only has a mother to bond with or a father to bond with.  You have said in essense to not bond to closely with your child that it will be a negative way of life.  you disgust me by saying you love children and are worried about the family and the child.  How could you sit on the show and say that the child needs to do more gender specific and bond with the same sex parent to not become what they feel.  I have a seven year old son who when he was 2 wanted a baby, so we got him a boy baby and he carried it around and loved it.  why is it not ok to just have a mother, father relatiolnship with your child and love UNCONDITIONALLY.  that is our job as parents; to protect and love by any means possible. 
He did not say that bonding with the same sex parent could hinder a child's sex identity. He said not bonding with the same sex parent could hinder the child's sex identity. Especially son with father. I think children should bond with both parents whenever possible.
January 13, 2009, 1:00 pm CST

Dr. Nicolas ?

He's a physician?  Aren't they supposed to be open-minded, able to consider all the facts and then make a well defined decision suited to the best outcome for the patient?  He is arrogant and narrow minded.  All that comes to mind is that he brainwashes his patients  & families into his view of "how it should be" vs. what they truly need.  I equate him to a cult leader.


In this day and age, why does it still matter so much whether you are a boy or a girl, be a homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered...we are HUMAN BEINGS.


With children, all that matters is they are nurtured, unconditionally loved, given structure and provided the best values their parents can teach, with the goal to go out into the world with confidence and empowerment.

January 13, 2009, 1:00 pm CST

little boy lost show

I don't believe anyone is wrong on that stage.  I don't have any experience with this subject personally, but I believe the mother is being very close-minded about the possibiltiies of other treatment.  All families have the choice to do what they believe is right for THEIR family.  If it wasn't right for her girl that does not mean the theories and treatments the other psychologists use will not work for other willing families.  I think she was completely disrespectful and immature to the doctors on stage.  I understand her wanting to fight for her daughter, almost a striving for acceptance.  It is not right or wrong and her attitude is the reason for some prejudices in this world  from the unwillingness to even listen to other peoples' viewpoints with respect.  I admire her strength to stand behind her child no matter what and wish nothing but the best for her family and other families experiencing the same situation, no matter their decisions. 
January 13, 2009, 1:02 pm CST

Bravo Mom

Bravo, Bravo,Bravo Mom-  I just love the Mom on todays show that refused to sit there and listen to the gentlemen who had very specific ideas as to why her son wanted to be a girl. Nothing about what they were saying held any truth to what had been going on in her family. He did not even bother to make the point that perhaps that was not the case in her situation. I do not believe he really had any interest in helping the Mom sitting across from him. He just kept  talking as if nothing she said held any value. I just love the way she reacted. She didn't want to hear his ridiculous ideas and I don't blame her BRAVO MOM!!
January 13, 2009, 1:02 pm CST

Why bother??

I don't understand why these two men who had different opinions than this mother were even invited to be on this show. This rude, sarcastic, mean spirited woman didn't even allow them to speak. Only the people who agreed with everything that she had said and the way she handled her son's situation were allowed to speak. I'm very disappointed in Dr. Phil after watching this. I've seen him let hateful and despicable people at least have their chance to speak without rude unnecessary interruptions, and these men seemed at least kind and even tempered, which is more than I can say for that shrieking woman. All they wanted to do was give an alternative point of view!
January 13, 2009, 1:04 pm CST

Could Have Been Better

I wasn't really happy with the way the show went. Personally I think Dr. Phil needs to either mediate the conversations fairly, making sure both sides act as mature adults, or just make the show about his personal opinions on the matter. I do think Phil showed his bias in the later half of the show.

Really the show seemed like the classic argument of nature vs. nurture with no guidelines to how the conversation was going to go. The expectation was we would hear a clear viewpoint from both sides, but instead it sort of turned into: can you can talk louder than the other person. I do think the nurture side was more polite and allowed the other side to talk without interruption (there was interruption from the nurture side but if I recall accurately it was after they were first interrupted and were trying to complete their statement). Too bad politeness and professionalism didn't swing both ways.

Very one sided and doomed to a bias from the beginning.
January 13, 2009, 1:05 pm CST

Science trumps religious brainwashing!

Dr. Siegel has it right. Unlike the narrowminded men on the opposite side of the stage, he has science and a little thing called EVIDENCE behind him in his position. Of course the guest, Toni, was emotional! I imagine I would feel the same way if I was forced to listen to the brainwashing coming from Mr. Stanton and that psychologist. These religious fanatics are not trying to help families, they are attempting to brainwash impressionable children into fitting their mold of the "natural heterosexual" (a terrible phrase, and inaccurate). I would say that the people really looking out for the best interests of the child are those who are willing to accept that child and respect them and allow their voice to be heard. Dr. Siegel exemplifies this, and those two fanatics seated across from him need to get their noses out of their bibles and join the real world in the year 2009. They can't "cure" homosexuality, and they certainly can't "cure" this gender identity disorder!!
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