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Topic : 01/13 Little Boy Lost

Number of Replies: 492
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Created on : Friday, January 09, 2009, 02:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What would you do if your little boy wanted to be a little girl? Dr. Phil continues the heated topic of gender-confused kids. After the last show, viewers had a lot to say about the subject, and the message boards lit up with their impassioned opinions. Now, Dr. Phil speaks with Toni, a mother who says she can’t stop grieving the loss of her son who, at 11, began to transition into a female. Toni feels like her son has died, and she’s having a hard time adjusting to having a daughter. Joining the discussion is family researcher Glenn Stanton and psychologist Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, who say it’s the parents' responsibility to guide their children into their gender-born identities. On the opposite side are psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and psychotherapist Dr. Michele Angello, who say children are born this way, and parents should support their children in their decision to transition to the opposite sex. What do you think is the best way to treat a child with gender identity confusion? Don’t miss the heated debate as Dr. Phil continues to explore this fervid and hotly contested topic. Then, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 13, 2009, 12:36 pm CST


ok heres the thing, im stright, but i dont agree with the idea that homosexuality can be stopped at a young age, homosexuality is a way of life, and anyone that is Gay or Lesbian deserves to live thier life to the fullest, if my son ever came to me and asked "daddy, i wanna be gay...what should i do?" of course it would hurt but i would have no choice but to go with it, its nothing that can be stopped. and i have lots of Homosexual freinds.

and for the gender confusion, i think the same thing as i do about homosexuality. its nothing that can be stopped, all boys play with dolls at a young age, if it happens, it happens...i also think its the parents choice, if you wanna go with it, go with it. if you want to stop it, stop it (or at least try to) heres my thought. you shouldnt be sad over the child wanting to be a girl, or a daughter wanting to be a boy. its natural.

and to the Doctors on the show, keep debating, all are listining LOL

January 13, 2009, 12:38 pm CST


January 13, 2009, 12:42 pm CST

this so called dr.nicolosi

this dr.nicolosi that says let him bond with his dad and play with boy things is so full of a 53 year old women that has had my mum around till i moved out and i still feel like a guy.i want to be or should i say i should have been a what do you say about that are so full of are who you are.that does'nt mean because you were born a girl or guy that you are that are who you are meaning if you should have been a girl then thats who you are.and if you were suppose to be a should have been a guy.i disagree with this dr. and i really don't think he knows what hes talking about.i have always thoughti should have been a guy NOT AND I MEAN NOT A GIRL.i dont like womens clothing.and i never did.i hate wearing womens clothing.i buy guys things and everything guys noy womens.oh i know i forgot im suppose to bond with my mother right.well GUESS WHAT DOC.I DID.I STILL THINK I WAS BORN IN THE WRONG BODY,
January 13, 2009, 12:46 pm CST

Live and Let Live

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have many close transgendered and gender confused friends. I am also a psychology major and and currently am studying human sexuality and gender. I find it absolutely rediculous that there are still psychologists that believe the nature versus nurture debate is still a one side wins all conflict. I think that in todays world it should be COMMON FACT that nature and nurture both have their imput on the development of a child, and to say that it is solely the parent's fault for the situation that their gender confused child is in is almost obsurd enough to make me rip out my hair. It is only natural for parents to treat the child in ways that, either subconsciously or consciouly, reinforce gender roles that match up with the child's biological sex, so unless these parents sat down and planned out that they were going to experiment with their child's gender identity, I HIGHLY doubt that these situations can be "blamed" on them, let alone ANYONE! Dr. John Money conducted experiments with accidentally castrated young boys where he raised them with a gender identity of a female (which is of course the nurture side of the debate) and I wonder what happened Dr. Phil? Oh yes, they turned out to identify as MALE and because the confilt of someone trying to change and alter the way they identify their gender it led to a suidide. These people are not in need of being "fixed", they are in need of strennth and guidence to protect them from these ignorant people who wish to change them. Parents cant be held responsibe simply becasue some NARROW MINDED people are so uncomfortable they must place some sort of blame to ease their own anxiety. (Why these people give a flying f... about how these gender confused people live their lives eludes me.)  They way the brain works does not allways match up with the way the body looks. There is not simply only two chromosomal sexes, there are many other situations, people can be born XXY (klienfelter's syndrome) or X0 (Turner's) and even XYY, these instances simply ARE, they are not genetically altered by the intention of the parent, they simply are, and guess what? Some things simp[ly ARE! Everyone wants to live their own life by their own wishes, so why are we so set on controlling the lives of others? So live your own GD lives and let these people, yes thats what they are, PEOPLE, live their own lives as they see fit.


And the fact that these doctors that you had on your show doctor Phil, actually managed to get a book published on how to basicly currupt the natural way that a certain child is is, to me, as bad as going into the fetus and making it have blonde hair an blue eyes, can you say psychological Hitler? These children are not serial killers that need 'rehabilitation', they need support and love for WHAT THEY ARE, not 'love' to shape them into the way you want them to be.

January 13, 2009, 12:47 pm CST

I think I have this

First, I'm a 15 year old girl and I've wanted to be a guy since I can remember. I hate being myself... Its confusing, and irritating. I've been hiding these feelings for so long now that every day I feel like Im not myself; depressed. Its horrible. 


We're not rich or anything, but my parents are obsessed with being seen as 'above average' - and telling them this would be the equivalent of throwing myself out of the house, along with being made a mockery of and having extended family members - who haven't even a say on the matter - gossiping about me.

The last time I was myself - I was around 10. I was running through the woods with my bud, playing Cowboys with cap guns.. man, it was wicked but when we got back I distinctly remember my dad yelling at me that girls shouldn't play with guns. we got in a fight where I yelled I wished I wasn't a girl among other rude things and stormed off. 


I don't dress up. My usual attire consists of baggy jeans, t shirts and hoodies... I've grown far from my parents and even though my friends respect me as a 'tom-boy' I still don't allow myself to show them how far across the line i've actually gone.


I've been confused and depressed for so long, but I turned on the television today and everything that was said, the signs, the feelings and all that bloody stuff... It's me. I HAVE THIS...


Atleast I'm not alone.

January 13, 2009, 12:50 pm CST

shameful episode


I have never been so disappointed with an episode of Dr. Phil as I was today. My mother and I watched and could not believe that you, Dr. Phil, allowed a grown woman to behave so ignorantly on your stage. It was unfair to your guests and your audience. Noone I'm sure was able to gather any information from this very important topic because she distracted from the entire show. Dr. Phil, you should have made it clear to this woman that she did in fact need some help, that was clear...and maybe tried to point her in the right direction. It is absolutely no wonder her son has problems...and I can tell that from his mothers behavior. Again, I cannot believe you allowed her to conduct herself that way. I recognize the other Drs. opinions were not valued to her but that does not give her the right to be completely ignorant of the message they are also trying to get out. Shame on you..

January 13, 2009, 12:50 pm CST

01/13 Little Boy Lost

If this mother is as angry and hateful with her child, I can only imagine his/her emotional state.

She states that she only wanted to come on the show to tell how she she dealt with this situation.  She sure made certain that she was the center of attention on the show.  She was rude to

the doctors who she doesn't agree with.  We don't ALWAYS agree with everyone. She is asking us to listen to her...but she is unwilling to listen to anyone.  Her "daughter" is going to grow up very battered.

THIS IS ALL ABOUT TONI...not her child!

January 13, 2009, 12:53 pm CST

Who are these "experts"??

I am so angry...what a bunch of brainwashing HACKS!!! My son is now 19 years old...he told me he wanted to be a girl at the age of 2. His father was very involved. He is now a very well adjusted gay male who has the support and love of his WHOLE family. He was born this way...nothing we did "made him this way"

January 13, 2009, 12:56 pm CST

Lack of respect for invited guests

Dr. Phil I think you should make the mother on this show show respect for your invited guests.  Obviously she beleives different than they do but when she shows no respect and cuts them off at every chance, they are unable to help those parents watching for advice and perspective on this subject.  I think this mother in particular made some big mistakes with her son when he was only two in allowing him to be her princess, and now is too angry to even listen to anyone else.  Where is this childs father and what is his perspective on this subject. I have worked with two year old classrooms and have seen evidence that children at this age have no concept of whether they are a boy or girl and this is the age when parents need to take responsibility in teaching them gender identity.  This mother constantly states that she was not close to her son at all, this is a red flag to me, did this little boy think his mother would love him more if he was a girl.  The boy stated in the video clip of himself that he was his mother's princess because he had a TV and Xbox 360, why would he relate the things he has to being his mother's princess?  This mother needs help more than her child.
January 13, 2009, 12:56 pm CST

what a show!

I was so disgusted with your female guest today (Little Lost Boy) ... why was she even there?  She was not interested in learning anything.  She wanted no help or advice.  She said she was unhappy with her son's choices, yet got angry when anyone tried to help.  I was appalled at her attitude and how she treated the two men sitting across from her.  She is a hurting lady and I hope she gets the help she (and her family) needs.  That poor little boy!!
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