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Topic : 12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:27:18 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Fourteen courageous people spend three days facing Dr. Phil and the reality of their problems, which include addiction, anger, grief and abuse. In part four of Dr. Phil’s retreat, the guests examine their feelings towards their mom and dad and address how who they are today relates to the influence of their parents. Will the participants free themselves from the pain of their past and let go of resentment they say they harbor against their parents? When Kelly is asked what she would say to her father if he were alive, her overwhelming emotions get the best of her. And, Carina delves into her feelings about her abusive stepfather. Is she waiting for an apology that will never come? Plus, Jessica R., who battles with weight and self-image, says she doesn’t feel she deserves to be in the retreat. When Dr. Phil plays a video of her at home, will she realize she’s right where she belongs? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 4, 2008, 4:33 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

Quote From: zoopy69

hello dr phil. i am just shaken right now, and just watched your show. you said write in and tell you my story. so here i am. maybe pretty typical, maybe im crazy. well i was an unwanted child, neglected, abused, and left alone. i am now 39 years old, and i am caring for the people who took my chilhood from me, and left me, and abused me. by caring for i mean just that, i am a 24/7 caregiver for my parents. one is incapable of caring for himself mentally i feel, so i handle all of his responsibilities of a husband, and father etc. the other my mom is brain injured and i am her everything. i do it all for them both. but i ask my self everyday why? ive been doing this for almost 8 years now. why? they never cared for me, they never protected me, my father took my innocence as im sure so many have the same story, my mother abandoned me, and did nothing for me. and now i have given my whole life to their care. what the hell is wrong with me. why am i here, putting myself back in this toxic environment. i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!! i ask myself this everyday, and i can not answer it. this post imk sure will be fragmented cause im being the good daughter and care giver as i do this. you know cleaning the trach, feeding tube etc..

i just dont know why im even her, and why doesnt anyone see me? why am i one of those humans that is disposable and invisible.? even my marriage is a flop. i am married to a good man, but we cant even hold a conversation. he isnt available to me emotionally. i dont exist, as i ssaid unless he has a need. i just dont exist dr phil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am a human just like everyone else reading this, but i dont exist. i am not real. this is not real. it is all fake. nothing is real. my family is so disfunctional that it could not possible be helped. we are beyond and hope of any repair. my brothers and sister are as fucked up as i am. they cant function either. my younger brother has been married twice and divorced twice, 5 kids he never sees, he cant hold a conversation either. older brother is an abuser, 5 kids he isnt allowed to see, an x wife who he has tried to kill a few times. my sister married twice, both defunc marriages, even the one she is in now. she bitches at him all the time and tries to be his mother. she is never happy. she tried to kill me years ago.and her children are screwed up terribly too. my dad: lol. he came from a poor family in the mountains of ky, and he is a horrible abuser. he cares about no one but himself. he abused my mother for years, and now that she cant speak we have to listen to how he was and is such a good husband. i almost want to kill myself every time i see him everyday. i feel sick just by his appearance. literally sick, i want ot go away. when i was a child , i could make myself go somewhere else wqhen he abused me. i left my body. it didnt matter cause i wasnt there. now i see him and i want to do it too but permanently. i just dont want to be around any of my family anymore, but everyday i come to my parents house, that i found and helped them purchase, and look at all of them. everyday. and i go home and am so defunc that i cant even breath, and sometimes i attack my husband. thank god i cant have children. i know i would abuse them. i dont need to be in this pitiful world anymore, but i am to much of a coward to stop my pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess i deserve it since i am so weak, ugly, fat, stupid, oh and dont forget a bitch, and dont care about anyone, or anything. i am useless!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for trying to help people dr phil.

but some of us cant be helped..................

it is to much, to far, not enough time in our lives to fix our demons.

our hurts.

our traumas................

our truths.

love ya dr phil

joanna , a fat 39 yr old childless invisible useless doormat

p.s. im not telling you this for pity, you said you wanted to know.

  so now you do.


I don't know what to say to you, other than I'm sorry for all you have been through.  I don't think that it makes you stupid or that you're wrong for caring for your parents at this time.  There is something in you that is lovely and beautiful, but you can't see it right now.  I hope that Dr. Phil can help you, or that someone local can.  You are definitely not a useless person, people need you, and it sounds as though you have turned out way better than your siblings.  I believe strongly in the power of prayer, and I will pray for you.
December 4, 2008, 4:41 pm CST

WOW Was That INTENSE! Looking forward to continuation!

   I found my messed up self , in so many of these courageous folks, I am sorry to say I was comforted by their stories.  I think I have just been so alone with all of this mess of a life I am attempting to survive, I am so deeply grateful that all of you have taken this brave step towards healing the circumstances which have brought each of you to this place, this time, this very event.  I congratulate each of the participants and my prayers will include your efforts and your outcome.  I look forward to taking this journey with you and also pray that I can find some tools to help me resolve my own circumstance.
    Dr. Phil, I was particularly moved and deeply grateful for your "personal truth".   I have always imagined the upbringing and parenting that must have been available in order to produce such an intelligent and dedicated and outstanding man such as yourself.  You are such an impressive and competent  individual and the fact that you overcame the environment  that you described today has given me great hope.   I hold such sincere gratitude to you for sharing this information, (which I have never heard before today, was that in the books, I must have missed it...)  Thank you for all you do and for the straight forward and no nonsense manner  with which you approach such delicate and devastating topics, I must say that part of me has always been a bit jealous of some of the folks you have assisted, quite honestly however, I must also admit,  you really do scare me in my own house,  I always ask myself if I ever had the chance to meet you would I have the confidence to hold even a casual conversation,  the answer changes from time to time.  I will be starting my homework as soon as I finish this post, I just had to say Thank you so much!       

Sincerely, Stacy A, Rich   
December 4, 2008, 4:44 pm CST


Quote From: cindy9158

I have been watching the get retreat and I can relate to several of the stories. My parents were alcoholics and my father had a terrible temper. My first memory was as a toddler seeing him go after our cat with a hammer because she had scratched the neighbor girl who was playing with her kittens.  As a small child I was molested by their best friends son who turned out to be the prime suspect in a disappearence and murder of a little who looked like me and was the same as me when he did it. The only witness disappeared from the area and last I knew the case was still unsolved. He molested me until I was out of high school and stalked me while I was in college. I was also molested by a sibling for several years.  I grew up to have terrible anger problems which have gotten better. I have confronted the sibling who molested me and we have resolved the issues and I have come to terms with them. I have been in therapy several times and still can not seem to let go of the abuse by the other person. I know he's still molesting children and I've talked with police and they say my information is just heresay and won't hold up in court. I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood and I still get flashbacks and anxiety about the abuse.  I just can't seem to let it go and I think it's because I know in my soul he's still abusing kids. His mom knew what he was doing and never did anything to stop him. She asked me the night it began if he'd touched me. I never told my parents and they died not knowing about any of the abuse I went through. I still think of myself as a survivor and not a victim but I still go through bouts of depression and have to take meds.  I want it to be over for good but I don't know what to do for that to happen.  I was also abused by my first husband for a few years of our marriage, came very close to becoming alcoholic myself and my entire family has problems relating and letting go of problems that have torn us all apart.  My first husband died and the second helped himself to money from my kid's death benefits. I like to think I have myself together but I doubt myself all the time, lack confidence in my professional abilities and just wish I could finally be happy. Every relationship I've ever had has been dysfunctional. It just seems to never many issues to resolve and it seems like I can't find a way to work them all out so I'm not plagued by bad memories.
a lot of people are dysfunctional...there are some who aren't and even some who are but take responsibility and don't make others carry their own baggage.
My heart goes out to you. You sound like a very strong woman and a loyal mother who has been taken advantage of. You have been through a lot and through other people crap, too. Its hard sometimes to know what we are responsible for and what we aren't but sounds like a lot of your experience was beyond your control. Our system isn't evolved yet  that provides is an avenue of recourse to get men (term used lightly) like that off the street. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going.
Its Autumn right now: allow some things to fall away if you can and go within a hibernation mode like a cocoon, go through the homework from the show on the drphil website and finish the spring you may feel better...I think the show is an avenue to self healing. I'm going to do my best to finish it cuz I've a long enough list of false starts that I don't wanna add another to the list.

Stay strong,

December 4, 2008, 4:55 pm CST

12/4 show get real retreat




December 4, 2008, 5:08 pm CST


I was molested by an uncle when I was 10 years old. I never told my parents or my aunt. When I realized FORGIVING ISN'T CONDONING  I could forgive and start healing.  Barb



December 4, 2008, 5:30 pm CST

My Story

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have been watching your Get Real Retreat from the beginning and I've learned so much from it.  Those people have made so much progress and it is inspiring to me.

I grew up in a home with an abusive father.  He always told me how fat, stupid and ugly I am.  To this day I think every single one of those things about myself.  I have Epilepsy and when I would have seizures he would make fun of me...and periodically he would just say 'so when you gonna flop around like a chicken again?'  Those words are very hurtful...I mean I had a seizure in October, the first one in eight years and I thought if he were there at that point, he would have been laughing.  I am trying really hard to change my way of thinking and I do go to counseling...but it's a hard process when it's been engrained in your head for years and years.  He adopted me and my older brother when him and our Mom got he wants nothing to do with me.  I feel like he doesn't like me and I'm nothing to him.  Watching your show is inspiring to me and it's helping me finally look into this and let it go.  I know it will take sometime, but I know I can do it!  Thank you Dr. Phil for everything you are doing with those people and my life!  Keep up the good work!!!

Macie Marie
December 4, 2008, 5:51 pm CST

In response to white woman who hates black men

Wow I just saw what that woman said in the Dr. Phil house around the table to the black man.  "What if you are the son or a relative of the man who raped me?"  I have been struggling with the shame of a father who molested my half sister and other friends and neighborhood girls.  I just went to a very powerful couseling session yesterday to try and free myself from this guilt and when I heard her say that I was immediately thought those other women probably do think of me in a terrible way or at the least relate their aweful memories to me if and when I see them now as an adult.  I had to back up and take a breath and try not to feel that shame and guilt I have felt for over twenty years that honestly is not my shame or guilt.  It is my fathers.  He is the one who did those aweful things not me I was a little innocent girl who just wanted to love her daddy and be proud of him.  I didn't want a Dad who I couldn't be proud of I wanted a normal family with a Mom who didn't hate her Dad and a sister who didn't hate her Dad. 
December 4, 2008, 5:58 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

Quote From: viewer1977




I know it's hard to get over things that happen to us, but when you don't do everything you can to help yourself cope and move on, then the people who hurt you win.


Don't give them any more of your life, heart and soul!

December 4, 2008, 6:13 pm CST

insight at last

The show was worth watching today.  I am one of 7 children of a very disfunctional family.  My father molested my younger sister and myself for most of our teenage years.  Listening to the participants talk about their parents helped me to see what feelings I am still harboring for both my Mother and my Father.  The biggest Aha was the sadness I feel when I think of my father for what I didn't receive and what  I still wanted to receive from him.  Thanks for the insights gained.

December 4, 2008, 6:13 pm CST

Learnt alot

Dr, Phil,


Have been watching the Real Retreat since the beginning & have learnt alot about people and how they deal with there problems.  How they can blame everyone but themselves .


I am a single mother that raised 3 children on my own. My 3 children are all on there own now, 2 are married & have children.  I'm a grandmother of 3, which i am very proud of.

When I had my first child I looked back on my childhood & changed what i missed out on. I changed things for my children to have a better childhood, very loving, caring & yes, very overprotective.  When the children got older & had children of there own, for them  to look back on there childhood & change anything for their own children.  You are the only one that change your life & your future.


Love watching your show and some of your statements during the Real Retreat are so true, they even get me crying. Some of those 14 people my heart goes out to them & wish them all a very happy future and recovery.

You are doing wonderful work with them.

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