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Topic : 12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

Number of Replies: 66
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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:27:18 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Fourteen courageous people spend three days facing Dr. Phil and the reality of their problems, which include addiction, anger, grief and abuse. In part four of Dr. Phil’s retreat, the guests examine their feelings towards their mom and dad and address how who they are today relates to the influence of their parents. Will the participants free themselves from the pain of their past and let go of resentment they say they harbor against their parents? When Kelly is asked what she would say to her father if he were alive, her overwhelming emotions get the best of her. And, Carina delves into her feelings about her abusive stepfather. Is she waiting for an apology that will never come? Plus, Jessica R., who battles with weight and self-image, says she doesn’t feel she deserves to be in the retreat. When Dr. Phil plays a video of her at home, will she realize she’s right where she belongs? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 5, 2008, 8:11 pm CST

Schema Therpay - Those Looking for Help

I would suggest those having unresolved emotional issues to find a therapist who specializes in Schema Therapy (originated by Jeffrey Young). It's a therapy that recognizes as Dr. Phil has mentioned that past events reach into the present to program our future. The purpose of the therapy is the same as Dr. Phil is demonstrating. First comes insight, then understanding, followed by healing through via a proess. When it comes to emotional issues, insight itself does not always lead to healing. Voicing and reliving those experiences and all the pain that is associated with it is usually the starting point to healing. Then comes cognitive restructuring where you relearn how to view those painful memories but in a mentally healthy way.

 

James 

 
December 5, 2008, 11:59 pm CST

Thank you, Dr. Phil

You're the best!

I didn't think that this show would be of interest to me...but boy, was I wrong!  It's really amazing to me that even though I wasn't able to watch the full show, I learnt two very valuable tips.

1)  Not to expect too much from the people that are hurting me.  (They probably don't have the 'tools' in which to understand what they're doing to me, nor do they want to have those 'tools'.)

2)  Have my own 'Personal Truth'.  That really hit home.  I have been altering it to make others happy, always forgetting about me.  I am slowly, but surely making positive progress in keeping my Personal Truth pure and true. 

 

Thank you for all the amazing work you do and to all the amazing staff that help to make your message come to the masses!  (Including this website.)

And, I'm a great fan of "The Doctors TV" as well.  Was able to catch one of the shows that you made a surprise appearance with your son Jay(?)  You could just see how much the audience and the Doctors respect you.  (The 'big man on campus')  ;-)

 

 

 
December 6, 2008, 12:44 am CST

No excuse

This message is to those on the show who were sexually abused. I am a special education instructional aide. Years ago in a class of 4th-6th graders sat an above impressively intelligent student who was, in my opinion, poorly placed. He was the age of an 8th grader who was going through puberty early and looked more like a high school student. He had never before been allowed to attend school and could barely read and write.
One day when he refused to do his work during class time he was held in during recess. The teacher closed the classroom door (surely thinking nothing of it- I know I didn't) and while I was grading papers he quietly came up behind me and began massaging my shoulders, leaning and rubbing his body against my back. I stood up, asked him what he thought he was doing, told him that this was inappropriate, to get to work and reminded him that not doing his work was why he was missing recess in the first place. Then I opened the door and once she and I were alone relayed the incident to the teacher. I didn't get mad at him but know he needed to be told that this was wrong.
Of course it never occurred to me to respond romantically to him. What are these people thinking!
I'm not saying that any of you made a pass at the adult who hurt you. What I am saying that there is no excuse no matter what! Being an adult means you are the adult always and if a child (or even another adult acts like a child) you are still the adult and need to...well you see where I'm going with this and how redundant I'm becoming.
Just venting my anger against these adults who hurt you and those who hurt so many other innocent children. I don't understand and it just makes me sick.
Thank you Dr. Phil for giving me a place to vent. ARRG!
 
December 7, 2008, 6:59 pm CST

Carina

Listening to Carina's story is like we are one and the same.   When she describes how her step father controlled her and physically abused her while her mother sat back and did nothing, is actually my story.  As a child you can get used to the abuse, but the emptiness that comes from feeling unloved is overwhelming.  We recently went to family counseling due to the fact that my youngest sister is working through an eating disorder and felt a family session would help.  The counselor blatantly told my parents that they are both responsible for the disfunction of our family and needed to be accountable for the abuse.  My parents  have since labeled this counselor a "quack" and I have been ostracize from the family.  They were so angry at me for telling the truth and making them look like uncaring, "bad"  parents.  My step father demanded an apology, and when I refused I was told that I am no long part of their lives.  They have since disowned by husband and children.  I completely understand the anger and frustration she is feeling .  I recently offered to take my mother to a concert of her favorite singer as a Christmas gift.  A mother/daughter thing to reconnect.  She told me that unless I was willing to beg for forgiveness for saying those "horrible lies" about my stepfather, she does not want me to contact her again.  We have now been astranged for 2+ years.  Actually missing my son and daughter's high school graduation. 

I don't care how old you are,  you always feel the emptiness that comes from the rejection of your mother.  Seeing mother and daughters out shopping, eating or socializing almost brings me to tears. 

I am hoping that watching Carina heal will help me deal with the anger, resentment and lonely I also feel daily. 

PS.  The worst part is, my step father is a minister and is out preaching every Sunday on family, love and forgiveness!!!!
 
December 8, 2008, 11:03 am CST

A Little To Close to Home

This show has hit entirely to close to home. I haven’t cried this hard in a very long time. Without explaining in depth all of my personal business, I must say that I can relate to all of them. I am sorry that they had to go through these things but I am happy to know that they will get the help they need and deserve. I too am learning a lot about myself and I am sure just watching the show will be a huge benefit for me to. Thanks Dr. Phil for not only helping them, but for helping me too! I can’t wait to see the next episodes.

 
December 9, 2008, 9:49 am CST

Hit Home

Dr. Phil,

You and Robin have made such a difference in my life.  Over the years, you've helped me to become a better wife and a better mom.  As I was watching this new series, I was entertained, even moved, but I didn't really feel a connection with these people or their stories.  Until...you talked about wanting something from someone who didn't have it to give.  When the girl asked you why she hurt so much over someone she wasn't even biologically related to, it really drove it home for me...this is what I have been experiencing with my inlaws for the last 11 years.  I have wanted something from them that they don't have to give...AND, I must have believed that they had something I wanted...something I needed.  I have hurt so much because of these people, and I never even understood why...I never understood how or why these people could affect me so deeply...why I felt such pain because of them.  Once again, I am grateful for you Dr. Phil and the work you do and the wisdom you share.   

 
December 9, 2008, 11:52 am CST

Brave People

I have to say that these are 14 of the bravest people I have ever seen in my life. not only have they agreed to deal with their issues but they have agreed to do it in front of millions. these are some major issues that they are facing. The scary part of it all is I have been able to relate to too many of these people. I have issues that I chose to bury and never face but becasue Dr. Phil is dealing with their issues he is forcing me to deal with mine. It isn't an easy task but it has to be done. I need to move forward and the only way to do that is to just let these issues go. So thanks Dr. Phil for putting my problems in my face.
 
December 9, 2008, 1:33 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

This retreat couldn't of come at a better time in my life. I just started suffering from severe panick attacks and along with meds had to start LONG OVERDUE counseling. I always knew I needed it, it just takes the courage to hash up all the buried feelings and deal with them. I TiVo my episodes and today In counseling we are working on forgiving my mother without confronting her because she isn't confrontable. I am having a hard time with it. I want to tell her, but I can't. I swear fate plays alot in my life, and me turning on the show today after being with my couselor and it being about what we discussed, I am hopeful that I can forgive and stop taking the blame for her bad decisions. And the guilt for not being able to protect my younger siblings. I will continue counseling til I can look in the mirror and love me and stand tall and hold my head up and look people in the eye. It is OK to say you need help, sometimes you can't do it on your own. I just wish I would of done it sooner.
 
December 10, 2008, 2:22 pm CST

Get real retreat

I hope your participants feel blessed for being chosen .  This brought back many memories of a retreat that I did almost 30 years ago.  It was called Lifespring, and it was very powerful to me.  Wow, just goes to show you that some techniques never go out of style. 
 
December 11, 2008, 1:08 pm CST

I have a question...

 I watched your Retreat #4 show today. I understand what was said, and I agree that it is time to forgive my father for things that he has done, and said about me and my son, but I don't know how to start. I know i have to for myself respect and outlook. I hope someone can give me some advice on this.
 
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