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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

Number of Replies: 1316
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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 29, 2008, 8:02 am CDT

My son is transgender at 7 years old since 2

Dr Phil your show has sure it a nerve today.I have never been so upset at all the people who think that the parent is causing this.I have a question for everyone would you deny your child of anything you know will not hurt them.Who cares if boys are feeling and acting as if they are girls and vice versa.My 7 yr old has done it since he was 2.He goes to school everyday with a purse and a necklace on.He has been made fun of.He has told me this, but I tell him that is how people are and you have to learn to ignore them if this is really what you want.I told him the other day we were going to have him try boy toys and take away the girl clothes and he gave me a face like I killed his best friend.It is too painful to shun him from the things he enjoys or because of the way he acts.I could honestly take away all girl things and his actions alone are more girlie than the girliest girl in the world.I can say I am usually in better mood after I vent, but your show with what the non-believers were saying has me still upset.
October 29, 2008, 8:09 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: taylorlpb

This may just be me but I say when they are kids let them be who they want to be, dont try to push them one way or the other. & when they get old enough to make their own decisions, such as hormones, support them what ever they want to do. It's their body, not anyone elses.

I agree!  I have a son who will be 8 soon.  I have always stressed to him that there are NOT girl toys and boy toys, there are NOT girl colors and boy colors (especially since there are so many color blind boys - like my son).  They are simply toys and colors.  He likes the color, we go to the boys department and buy him a pink shirt if he wants.  There's nothing wrong with it and it's obviously not an issue for many since these shirts are widely available. 


My son has played with dolls at times and I hope this will make him a more nurturing father someday.


There are so many people that judge and stereotype others.  It's sad to see it happen even these days.


Discrimination will never die until everyone accepts others unconditionally.

October 29, 2008, 8:09 am CDT

This Is A Possible Outcome For TG/TS People 2

Quote From: toolatemom

It is all confusing and I don't know that anyone has the answers.  I do think you need to be careful with kids so young.  Steer them the way they 'appear' to be lovingly and time will tell. 


I can say that I had a son we suspected as being gay but we were ignorant, condemned such things in front of him.  To make a long story short, he died at 36, having a great career, of a drug overdose.  Found he lived two lives.  The one for the person he really was and the other as a show of who he thought everyone thought he should be.  The drugs were from the pain he lived with and his parents were the cause of most of it.  We learned too late.  Why would anyone choose to 'want' to be gay.  I now understand and am active in a local PFLAG chapter.

Many will say the parents should force their child to conform. Doing so only causes the child to suppress their true natures and for them to construct an acceptable facade. Sooner or later the facade crumbles and the person:

Commits suicide,

Dies of the stress,

Lives an incredibly bitter life.


They transition to a happier, more fulfilled life as their true self.
October 29, 2008, 8:10 am CDT


GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!  If God made mistakes, He wouldn't be much of a GOD now would He??? That just makes me mad that someone would say that!!  Now listen, just because your child WANTS to wear nail polish doesn't mean you should let him. When I was a child I wanted to smoke cigarettes because I saw others doing it... mom and dad didn't run out and get me some, they knew what was best for me!  I'm glad Dr. Phil had someone from Focus on The Family on, but Dr. Phil, it bothers me when you SAY you are a Christian and yet don't speak up when someone openly defies the GOD you say you believe in.  Again, GOD DOES NOT make mistakes!

October 29, 2008, 8:13 am CDT

All is human, be humane

What is wrong with so much of what parents do with children?  It is that they forget how much of a human

they are thus forget to treat them humane.  Some groups are more concerned with animals than with children?  I have seen this GI problem in my own family close up and personal.  I also seen his Mother

always saying things like "I wanted a girl so bad' , I wish he was a girl' , 'a girl would have made me so happy' ETC  When she lost custody of this child, even at 2 years old he spoke about wishing he was a girl

Because his Mother said if he was a girl she could of kept him.  He was placed in a home with 3 girls, all the toys was girls, them girls dressed him as a girl so why would not he get confused.  He lives as an adult in mostly gay relationships, a few straight from school friends, them female.  His only male friends are also gay or cross dressers, he is still a depressed and conffused human being.

His father was usually missing in his life, once he told his father raped him when drunk.

So my opinion is let them children be whatever they are but do not give in to one way or another.

We have girls who are tom boys we need to accept Janeboys, does not mean they are wrong just more dominant to the opposite activites and role status.

Sexual preference should always be personal and never an advertisment.  Women on streets showing too much is just as bad as men cross dressing if it sexually bent.  I probably feel the strongest toward the stupid hanging pants than any dressing patterns of late but at least it is just stupid pants hanging so low they can barely walk than a deliberate sexual advertisement in public.

Far too much is put on children to be one way or another, pink is just a color, flowers are for anyone and toys exist gender orientated because we allowed it to get that way over the past 70 years?

please just let children be young humans and treat them humanly,

We would never allow animals to be given the kind of drugs given to children today?

October 29, 2008, 8:13 am CDT


Quote From: taylorlpb

i think thats a good idea.
I know a lady who had this done for her daughter that is transgender.  The test proved her out to be more male than female!!
October 29, 2008, 8:14 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: taylorlpb

This may just be me but I say when they are kids let them be who they want to be, dont try to push them one way or the other. & when they get old enough to make their own decisions, such as hormones, support them what ever they want to do. It's their body, not anyone elses.

It's not just you. Everything good springs from freedom.
October 29, 2008, 8:16 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

i want to applaud the parents of these children for standing up for your children. i think it woudl easier for these parents to "force" their children to conform to what society sees as "normal". I was taken aback by the gentleman who spoke about how its the parents responsibility to keep their children in the sex they were born. Like the one mother stated he does not have a child dealing with these issues. i do believe that it is easy for outsiders to make judgements about what is right and wrong. i do not have a child with these feelings and i honestly cant say what my reaction would be . but i do know that i would do what i feel is best for my child and i do believe that these parents are doing what they feel is best and supporting their child.

on the flip side i do not agree with hormone therapy for someone so young. i think that there is enough stress and emotions going on with these children adding hormones could only make it 100 times worse. Let them get into adulthood and make that decision for themselves.

October 29, 2008, 8:17 am CDT

One more thing

I would like to state that this is not just hard on the child it is hard on us, too.We do not understand why our 7 yr old is more girlie than me.It hurts My Husband and I everyday.We sometimes argue about it when he is at school(never in fromt of him).We accept him 100% and would NEVER unclaim him.He already has anxiety and acts sad at times from the kids at school.I am confused on this whole thing as well as my husband.It goes through our heads everyday "should we let him play with this stuff or take it away or should we really be letting him where girl pajamas to bed" And many more questions along with it.So I want to say unless you have a child that is like this shut the hell up.You could help by teaching your children that everyone is different so they can stop making mine feel like an outcast.

October 29, 2008, 8:19 am CDT

gender confussion

i really can not believe what I'm hearing, I'm married to a man who want to be a women!!!! and the thought of not having him in my life really scares me!!!!!!  these children need to be supported, not told that they can not be who they need to be. my husband started dressing at a very young age he was trying to figure out who he was. well he kept it hidden for years well guess what it came out full blowen and with a vengeance!!!! he has been out for over a year now. most of his friends as a male now except him as a female including my family!!!!! the only one who doesn't except him is his own mother. this whole issue has even brought his 3 childern closer to him. 
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