Message Boards

Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

Number of Replies: 1316
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 26, 2008, 12:44 am CDT

Gender confused kids

I'm sorry to hear that many of you parents out there don't know or care to understand about what goes on in side their minds and no less their bodies. A lot of people when they are very young know that they are in the wrong body and want to change. It's those who realize it when they are young and then told are you some kind of nut? Boy=Boy and Girl=Girl. Well what about Boy=Girl or Girl=Boy??? I have a Girl=Boy who knew from childhood that she was supposed to be a boy. She did things boys enjoyed, she was not a tomboy type, she just wanted to be boyish. As she grew older it became more pronounced, dressing, talking, acting like a normal boy would. I hoped it was just a "thing" and would go away. BUT it didn't. I was ashamed, I didn't tell anyone and would make excuses for her. Well this summer I went to her wedding, yeah, her wedding, to a girl no less! I bit my lip, help my head high, and was very happy for them both, I cried in side, but for 31 years she has known what she should have been ,and lived the horror of life today. And guess what!? I'm voting NO ON Prop.8!
October 26, 2008, 1:37 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Honestly, I'm a man, & I honestly can't imagine what it's like being a woman. Wearing makeup, nail polish, high heels, dresses, skirts, etc. Many men like myself don't have to worry about that.


Back on topic, I believe that people can be born differently (ever heard of siamese twins?), such as being disfigured, etc, including people being born of different genders. You just don't know!

October 27, 2008, 1:12 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I truly believe people are born this way especially if they are young children exhibiting these gender identity issues.  If my child had this issue, I would support her and get treatment as soon as possible. If after that if she still wanted and really felt like a boy then I would do all I can to help her with that so she can get the most out of her life.

These children don't ask to be born this way and I am sure it is something that tortures them on a daily basis. I am a lesbian and when I was young, I remember how hard it was knowing I was so different. I began drinking at age 16 and tried committing suicide numerous times because I hated myself. Now I am 32 years old and i am in recovery...a month clean...and I accept who I am and I am loved by all those around me.


These kids just need  unconditional love...NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

October 27, 2008, 1:50 pm CDT

your right!

Quote From: renschi

Children are not born gay or lesbian, they are made that way by people and that is so sad for everybody involved.  Some one close to the family circle hurt that child emotionally on a very young age. Without sometimes parents knowing it and without professional help when needed. It is an emotionally block that this children have to help them cope with a much delicate and painful experience. (most of the time without realizing  themselves)

Parents, please just love your child and accept him or her the way they want to be, reject the lifestyle (sin) not the child.


   your right. you hit the nail on the head!
October 29, 2008, 1:15 am CDT

Thank you, Dr. Phil

I was about to turn off my tv tonight, when I just happened to see a commercial for this topic being discussed on tomorrow's show (oops, TODAY'S show at this point!). I had to set it for my DVR to watch.

How strongly do I feel about this topic? I registered on here just this moment, just so people could read this and hear me out. I am a biological male and always have been. I was brought up in a loving, even church going household and still love my God and hold my faith dear. Why do I say "still"? Because I have this background and "yet" I am transgender as well. If anyone would NOT be like this, it would be someone raised the way that I was!

Yes, I do think that there is the rare case when there is a child that is confused and they are not truly "TG"...however, I think most are TG if they think so. Look at it this way...yes there are cultural influences that are debatable in all this...but if somebody is so very young in particular that is like this (I watched 20/20 with Barbara Walters show a biological boy who was 3 who obviously has not been influenced by society yet subtly or not so subtly...his "brain sex" was very, very obviously female, yet he was born with male anatomy, make sense? For those people that say that God does not make mistakes, you are right....because "these people" are no more "mistakes", than you, than me, or the person (think about it) who is born with Elephant Man Disease and deformed! The very sad thing is that thinking like this keeps people back and does not open minds to even listen, let alone change. My Mom does not even know that I sometimes go out looking like the opposite gender, and she would probably literally have a heart attack if she did....why? Because people raised like I was are "not supposed to be like this". The sad irony is that I used to live right under her roof and hear her say things against TG people, and it was clear that the thought never even crossed her mind that I could have possibly been one of the very same people she talked bad about, not knowing it was her very own son that was TG. My father passed away this month, and went to his grave never even knowing this about me. Trust me...think about it....NOBODY WOULD CHOOSE THIS WILLINGLY. Does a guy wake up and "decide" to put on a skirt and wonder what it feels like? I used to throw away literally hundreds of dollars worth of wigs, skirts, jeans, etc that were my female expression manifesting itself physically in accordance to how I would be thinking and wanting to express myself at the time. This happened multiple times, feeling society pressure, and (very falsely) thinking this would stop "THIS time". Before you know it, you could die before ever living the life you should and accepting it of yourself in the first place! I stopped throwing those things away once I learned about the subject (and yes had therapy to learn that this is who I am and it does NOT go away). I embrace it now for the most part, and just know its part of my thinking process and my personality..and I am so much more happy, relaxed, etc. because of it.

Gender is a very fluid thing. It is NOT always black & white!! It is society that needs to change and understand this, not transgender people...or they will have even more depressed people and suicides on their hands than have already happened for people unsuccessfully trying to "conform" to what is "normal". Gender is so fluid that that is why there are people that go out like the opposite gender part of the time to "let out what society doesnt let them let out" for our rigid social standards and pressures, all the way to the TG people that are out like that 100% of the time.....those are usually the transsexual people where the inclination is so strong, that it is CONSTANT instead of fairly regularly.

Sorry this is so long, but I think at least this needed to be said/vented, at least by me. I am so glad that a respectable show like Dr Phil's (and more and more like them) and talking about this sometimes and less and less exposure for the horrible negative stereotype that certain other daytime shows are like. That is not what the Transgender Community on the whole is like at all!

So again, for those that talk about judging, mistakes, and the like...dont do that too much, because I am living proof that you could have a son or daughter that is TG and you dont even know it, because what you have let your children hear regularly, and at such a young age, already makes them believe they can never tell you the truth about them....and you will never truly know 100% of who your child is.....ever. Sadly, that is my background in my life and so many others with undeserved shame. Fortunately I have a wonderful network of supportive friends that actually listened when I got the courage to tell them about this pat of me, and learned about what I have been through and how I think in comparison and difference to many "normal" people! My sexual orientation is heterosexual still, like most TG, yes....but sexual orientation and sexual IDENTITY are two very, very different things.

Please watch this episode are strangers to me, obviously, and I am ASKING you to watch it...TALK about it with the people you know watch the show. Heck, talk about it with your family...hint to loved ones friends and family that you saw it and open the lines of communication on never know. Most people think they dont know someone like this, when the truth is they often do, but it is "hidden" so much that nobody knows and that is quite sad. ..LIke I said, my family would never guess this about me and frankly they are missing out in so many ways...we are so close, yet they still dont and never will know 100% of me after all of these years...that part of me that NEEDS to be expressing "both sides" (genders).... but I know how close minded they are, and even though I am "their blood", they have likely already made up their mind like so many others seem to do without even hearing the facts. :( If you are interested, look at websites like wikipedia, and keyword transgender. You will learn more and I sincerely thank you for reading this and possibly watching this episode. =)
October 29, 2008, 5:38 am CDT

Live with it.

I think our society does a disservice to people in encouraging them to believe that anything can be overcome.  It's not true.  If I were taller, were more athletically inclined, and were more dedicated to the goal, I'm sure I would be a better basketball player than I am, but in fact I am none of those things, and no amount of desire will change that.  We have to live with our limitations, whether they be mental, physical, or psychological, and the sooner we learn that the better off we will be.  What's so terrible about living with the reality that we can't have everything we want?  Those parents should not let their son (and that is what he is; their son, not their daughter) make such a life-altering decision to have hormone therapy at his young age.  And they should stop call him "her", for heaven's sake.  It seems to me that they should be helping him to live within the framework of what he has been given in life instead of indulging this phase of his development.  That's my view, anyway. 
October 29, 2008, 6:12 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: pokie5

   your right. you hit the nail on the head!
you are so right. people are just letting the devil of this world get into their minds to make them think at a young age that they are something they are not. it is sad. very sad. i feel so sorry for these people.
October 29, 2008, 6:56 am CDT

Not Enough Direction and Discipline

Children are bad at criticising others in their ignorance on account of differences in others, and always have been. Discipline should remove this trait far from them.

However, such experimental differences in behavior are not a sign of permanent traits, as children become curious about their bodies. We all know this as a fact if we are honest about childhood. Weren't we all children at one time in our lives?

No, seriously, now. What gives?

The first child doesn't know what sexual identity is yet, and without the coaching of adults they wouldn' t even know the vocabulary.

The second child, being mocked by girls who obviously are undisciplined intheir own households, is a shame. However, what is the alternative for protecting them from the ridicule of others? Perhaps home-schooling and confinement to other interests?


To identify a child as "trans-gendered" or "gay" at those early stages in life is a mockery and a further insult to their innocent though strange behavior, and to recommend such a lifestyle to them as an alternative would be the bain of dangerous stupidity and yet another wound to their psyche.

It would be like telling your son:

"Sorry to tell you this, but girls don't like you and you act effeminate, so you are doomed to a life of pedaresty and perversion that will eventually cause diseases of which you cannot cure, behavior that is unacceptable to nature, and ridicule that you will not be able to bear."  

I mean, what is the alternative for them? Will recommending a gay lifestyle or trans-genderism relieve them of the public ridicule that accompanies their strange childhood behavior?

Certainly not ! In many ways it will only accentuate it, and especially so in their view toward their parents who should have protected them from a life of perversion and mental abuse that accompanies the homosexual lifestyle.

October 29, 2008, 7:07 am CDT

tragedies waiting to happen

It is all confusing and I don't know that anyone has the answers.  I do think you need to be careful with kids so young.  Steer them the way they 'appear' to be lovingly and time will tell. 


I can say that I had a son we suspected as being gay but we were ignorant, condemned such things in front of him.  To make a long story short, he died at 36, having a great career, of a drug overdose.  Found he lived two lives.  The one for the person he really was and the other as a show of who he thought everyone thought he should be.  The drugs were from the pain he lived with and his parents were the cause of most of it.  We learned too late.  Why would anyone choose to 'want' to be gay.  I now understand and am active in a local PFLAG chapter.

October 29, 2008, 7:21 am CDT


Quote From: zuzubird

I agree with those knowledgeable ladies who understand that a person is born with her sexual orientation, and should never be cast out or made to suffer because of it, any more than a heterosexual person should be.  It is not a choice; I know I did not choose to be heterosexual--I just turned out that way.  If a young child displays some gender confusion, we must lay off the God trips and accept the child for who she is at all stages of her life (or his, as the case may be).  The idea that God hates certain persons and loves others is a human idiosyncrasy, and it's wrong to frighten a youngster with this stuff. 
What are you talking about? Who said that God hated anyone? If anyone says that, they are not telling the truth. God would never create anything or anyone that He did not love. However, God does not like it when ANYONE sins. And any of us, including myself, who live, do, say anything against His Word, are sinning. He becomes disappointed, but does not hate us. God will ALWAYS love the person, but may hate the act. Please be clear on this.
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last