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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

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January 20, 2009, 6:16 pm CST

stop making feminist into bad word

So many words uttered on this show have been completely offensive to our progress.  Be empowered, be independent,there is absolutely no reason to try to downplay who you are as a person if that means a certain kind of man is threatened by your strength.  He's clearly not the one for you.
Almost more importantly, feminism has been so unbelievably important in all of our lives, that is both women and men.  Please, in the people of the world's best interest stop incorrectly using the word, presenting yourself in opposition to that of a feminist.  So many independent women let themselves fall victim to this, well what is almost just become part of the common vernacular, they present themselves as independent but certainly not a feminist.  A person who is a feminist just wants equality between men and women.  Dismiss this incorrect notion that all feminists have buzz cuts and hate men, that is absolutely not the case. Independent women I implore you to embrace this word, explain to others who might have an incorrect understanding of it what feminism really means.  As a citizen of the world you should be fighting for equal rights.  Also know that there are many many male feminists out there, and I have found they make the best partners.

I actually never watch this show, as I am a work, but I just caught this episode and was so struck by the negative language that I felt it necessary to create a username and share what I consider to be a very important lesson that I was lucky enough to have learned through all of my high school and  college anthropology and social science classes.
January 20, 2009, 6:27 pm CST

Dating Double standards

I agree that there is a double standard between what is acceptable for women's and men's dating practices, I don't think that this should be the case.  The only thing that really matters is whether or not people are happy.  If they are, then who has the right to say that what they are doing is wrong, no matter what the situation is.  And regarding age difference, again if the couple involved are happy, isn't that all that matters? Whether he's 20 years older, or she is, happiness is the most important thing.  The relationship may differ from more traditional ones, and there will be a difference in the aging acceleration at some point, but if both people involved go into the relationship open and ready to deal with that when the time comes, that's their choice.  When it comes down to it we all are human beings, why is it so hard to fathom a connection merely because one person hasn't been around as long?

January 20, 2009, 7:31 pm CST

It's just Social Evolution

I watched the whole episode, and I don't believe that I heard older men referred to as "Svengali" at all.  20 years ago older men who dated much younger women were referred to in that manner.  Now it is merely accepted by many people.  Along the same lines, the term "Cougar" will disappear in another 10-20 years.  Everyone should remember that as recently as the 70s and 80s Females could get married without permission at 18, and males had to wait until 21, because it was widely held that females matured earlier than males.  As far as the guest Caroline goes, her responses and body language told me that she isn't really desparate, she is getting to see the world at other peoples expense, and enjoying it a great deal.  If I sent her tickets and hotel reservation for here in Vegas, she would be here in a skinny minute, attend a few shows with me, have a few dinners, and then after a few days, decide  that I'm a loser, and go back to Vancouver.   That is only a bad thing if the men feel they have been defrauded.  If not then everyone pretty much gets what they want. 


As to a double standard, that's life.  When I was divorced 100% of the ladies I met  (in any age group) stated that they never dated men in the first year after divorce.  Women my age stated they usually dated men at least 10 years younger than they are.  I have registered at a few internet sites, and surprisingly, most of the ladies that e-mail me are in their 20s.  I personally have a rule to never date women younger than my oldest daughter.  The result is that I haven't dated since March 1999.  It appears that women my age are simply not into dating men their own age.  That's life.  Hope all is well with everyone.

January 21, 2009, 12:53 pm CST

Looking for a Man Who is not Intimidated

I was hoping this show would address my problem which is...I'm 43, divorced and can't seem to get a date! I have no idea what I'm doing wrong!!! Everyone (friends - so who knows) tells me how beautiful I am what an outgoing and positive attitude I have. My Father says I intimidate men. So what's the answer??? I'm not going to settle for some pot-bellied 60 year old that I'm not remotely interested in being intimate with. I live in a military town so they're plenty of men....what's my problem. I'm a nurse and have a very outgoing attitude; I'm also very southern and "demure" not a prude, just discreet. I wish someone could help me!
January 21, 2009, 1:14 pm CST

01/20 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: urbnyogini

Age is a number and an attitude--not a reality, nor a death sentence.


I am 44 years old and HAVE started dating again.


Not only do I have NO problem finding dates in the age range I desire (45-55), I also have EXTREMELY young men clamoring to go out with me. (Whom I have NO interest-lack of experience and lack of stability MY main reasons)   Every week at least two-three men in the age range of 22-29 are asking me out.


When I ask men what they most seek in a woman, hands-down they respond it is CONFIDENCE as the most sexy thing that attracts them to women.  Next, they illustrate experience as well as a sense of being more stable...all of which they indicate are attributes that are more difficult to find in younger women, simply because they haven't been around as much...



so anyone saying that age is a factor is speaking to the wrong kind of man.  Look elsewhere ladies, there are plenty of men who appreciate an older woman.  Stop the excuses...

Maybe there is hope for me. I'm 43 and having serious problems finding men that I am interested in dating. I think I come across as confident. I just posted a message to this board and found your message. It helps to know that you are enjoying your life and have plenty of opportunities.
January 27, 2009, 8:27 pm CST

The 30 year old

Actually what I think a lot of these women's problems stem from the apperance of a lot of baggage and massive chips on their shoulders. Personally I usually like older women and usually have more in common with them. How ever they do tend to bring in a whole this is why men suck and it's all your fault attitude even on the first date. And I'm like hold on I just got here I didn't do any of this to you and wasn't planning on it. I wouldn't be intimidated by that 30 year old lady that was on there but I would be worried that she would try her best to look down on me or try to find my flaws to immediately disqualfy me as worthy. Which is unfortunate because she's pretty, obviously in other parts of her life has her stuff together, and actually seems quite sweet under her tough exterior. I would totally give her a try if she was willing to make herself emotionally available. And I'm definately not homely, stupid, or a total asshole.

February 3, 2009, 8:17 pm CST

She is lucky she is still alive

This woman needs to jump into reality, meeting someone over the internet, shortly thereafter jumping on a plane to meet them and agreeing to marry someone she does not even know is absolutely crazy.

She needs to read a book written by John Douglas, called: Anyone You Want Me To Be, about a true life case in Kansas where a man lured his victims to Kansas via the internet by making all sorts of promises to them, most of them ended up dead.

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