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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 24, 2008, 1:32 pm CDT

She lost him at hello

That "career" gal is  not indimatating men.  SHe is probably bragging about her accopmplishments  which is highly annoying!  I read the book You Lost HIm at Hello, and it talked about how to KISS (keep it short and simple) while getting to know someone and not verbal vomiting all over them about how great you are!  I can't believe Dr. Phil didn't say anything to her. He let her off too easy!
October 24, 2008, 1:32 pm CDT

Crazy attracts Crazy

I love what that CEO of Millionaire's club said - at least she was clear and straight up. Hilarious...

Hate to pick on the over the hill mom, but lady, really, you come across as kind of pathetic. When a woman's total focus is on hooking a man, she telescopes a message that screams, "I can't stand to be with me!".

Take some time to find out who you are without your story of a Man. And stop putting your daughter at risk with your antics. My 22 year old is more mature than you are. Seriously. Try reading the book, Loving What Is by Byron Katie. It may be your only hope.

October 24, 2008, 1:34 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

I am 27 years old and I was just in a relationship with a 44 year old man but I ended the relationship this past July. I am happy that I ended it because he was not the right guy for me at all. He was possesive and a control freak. He wouldn't let me go anywhere by myself and wouldn't even let me drive my own car without him being there with me. I have learned my lesson with him. But now I am in a relationship with a man who is only 3 years older than me and I am very happy with him. My new boyfriend doesn't do anything to me that my ex did to me. Right now as it stands, my ex won't leave me alone at all and I have had to bring the cops into it but they can only do as much as they can. As far as I know my ex doesn't know about me and my new boyfriend and I don't want him to because he threatened the next guy that I was going to be with the night that I broke up with him. To me younger women like me need to be careful dating older guys and not rush into anything with them if you are not ready to. I can't say much for older women because they are older than me but for younger women just be careful dating older guys. The dating double standard for older women is not fair at all to them. If they find someone younger and they are happy with them just leave then alone to be happy is all I can say.

October 24, 2008, 1:43 pm CDT

Starting Over Singles and Double Standards in Dating

   My name is Cindy Kaye and I run a group call Starting Over Singles on Long Island.  Women have to stop looking like they're so needy.  My ex-fiance used to say that you could see in a woman's eyes when she is needy and men tend to shy away from this, or use it to their advantage.


   I've tried to let people know that it's better to have a "healthy mind" and not be in a relationship than to be in a "sick relationship" just to be with someone.  SOS is a social group with both men and women so there's no pressure.  People become friends and many go on to having relationships with other members, even marriage, but the main idea is that it gives people 35+ a safe place to meet other people.  The idea of Starting Over Singles is for people to come out, meet people, make new friends and have a good time.


   As far as age goes - since my divorce, most of the people I've dated have been younger then myself.  Not because I looked for it, but because that's what asks me.  The last guy I went out with was 7 years my junior and I kept telling him he was too young for me, but he wouldn't give up.  We ended up dating for 2 years.  Most of the men that come to Starting Over Singles are not looking for kiddies, they want women in their age group, which is a breath of fresh air considering what most men out there are looking for.


   That first woman on the show should definately stop dating for awhile.  It's time she finds some friends to do things with.  She should find herself, then she will find a man.  Stop looking and they will find you - do things you enjoy doing.  Get your ex out of your mind...  you have to close a window before a door can open.  And most of all - be yourself.  If you're trying to be what he wants you'll find you can't keep it up and in a few months, when you become yourself again, you'll find yourself alone because you lied about who you really are!!


   If you open yourself up to meeting people in general, it doesn't matter if you're old, young, fat or skinny, the right person will come into your life eventually!!!

October 24, 2008, 1:44 pm CDT

Internet dating

Internet dating is a different way to meet people. It can work for you if you take the proper precautions. As far as people saying it's so dangerous, it's not much different from meeting people in church, the grocery store, etc. The guy next to you in church could be a rapist or child molestor, you just NEVER KNOW. My husband and I met in a chatroom, police & fire chatroom to be exact. We both had law enforcement backgrounds, so we actually ran checks on each other. We first met when I flew to Tx in April 2004, then drove out in June 2004, and then he came east in Sept. 2004. Talking on the internet and on the phone, we found out that we shared a lot of the same interests, dreams, and seemed to be a perfect match. Then in January of 2005, he flew east, helped pack my stuff, and I moved to Texas. We were married in October 2005 and have been happy ever since. He's an honest, loving, wonderful man, and I thank God we found each other.
October 24, 2008, 1:51 pm CDT

You reinforced the double standard today.

Though I do not agree with what the 44 year old lady was doing or the way she went about dating, I feel that you kind of shot her down Dr. Phil.   Especially at the end of the show, when you told the perky 30 year old that she should be easy to find a match on the match maker show on Bravo.   And then you tell the 44 year old lady to just stop dating.   If anything you just reinforced the double standard with that one move.  I'm sure that pretty blond 30 something would have no problem finding a match, but the 44 year old should just quit.    I mean come on.......  That 30 year old was very pretty and really didn't need the help.....but the other lady was the one that really needed the direction and hands on help.   You kind of left her out in the cold there.   She is really just scared of being alone.    Its a very scary world when your over 40 and single.   Even when your very secure with being on your own.....there are always those moments in the back of your mind when you feel like everyone is staring at you at the holiday family get togethers and you feel like everyone is thinking what is wrong with you.  Even when you kind of like your singleness and your freedom.   No one wants to be alone all the time Dr.  Phil, and I feel like you were not fair to that lady. 


A 45 year old single in Virgina.   

October 24, 2008, 1:59 pm CDT

Good Show.

Dr. Phil, you always do a good job when you do, do something on singles.  I liked the advice and it does help to know not to present the resume upfront.  However, it is still very tough to date after you leave college. 
October 24, 2008, 2:17 pm CDT

Married to a man 7 years younger

I was by myself for 5 years after my late husband died at the age of 57.  I met a man at church that is 7 years younger than I am.  We have been married a year.  My mother was 6 years older than my step-dad and they wer married for 44 years when he died this past march.  I don't think ther is any problem dating a younger man at all.
October 24, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Sorry, but I was rolling my eyes throughout the whole interview with the first lady,Caroline. If she's been married three times and none of them have worked out, then maybe she needs to look within herself first to see why her relationships fail, rather than run off obsessively looking for the next guy. Desperation is a major turn-off and she seems to be consumed with men, men, men. Maybe she should have put that much time and effort into her own daughter rather than dragging her child all over the world looking for Mr. Right. Blech.
October 24, 2008, 2:20 pm CDT

I am so glad you posted

Quote From: diane57

Just input from personal experience.  My husband & I are 10 years age difference - him being the senior.  During the first part of the relationship and early marriage it didn't seem to matter.  However, as time marches on, I'm seeing a rise on differences that age makes in the marriage.  Example:  my husband is  retired (4 yrs) - he doesn't have the same drive to be out and about, accomplish new challenges - socialize with friends - he'd rather stay at home, watching tv, tinkering.  To get him to go anywhere - out to dinner, on a group event, sightsee, go dancing - he simply isn't interested.  I'm now at an age where the children are grown, our income is stabilized, no more reason to hold back - I feel I should be in my prime and able to enjoy life.  However, if I want to participate, it's usually by myself as hubbie often says he's already done that, doesn't feel he's missing out on anything, etc.  And. our sex drives are definitely different.  My desires are peaking as I have nothing to worry about, his have deteriorated with seeminly little need for physical intimacy.  So... consider carefully the long-range effects of a significant age difference. 

So many people who say there is no difference in dating someone older have not really talked to someone who has dated or married someone much older.  I look way younger than my stated age and constantly approached by younger men.  I know the woman said on the show today that men want the younger slaming body 20 year old, but I think most men are intrigued to date someone older. 


I date them but I know will not look the same in 10 years from now.  Plus since I am in my 40's these men still have a want to still have babies.  I feel I am too old and really have no desire to even try.  Again, I hope anyone reading this who is thinking about marrying someone 7 years and older they are, should really talk to people who have done that and have been together longer than 5 years. 

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