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Topic : 10/02 Stressed Out to the Max

Number of Replies: 116
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Created on : Friday, September 26, 2008, 02:41:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

Did you know stress can take years off your life and even kill you? If you feel overwhelmed, overscheduled or overextended, you don't want to miss this show! Jamie says when she lost her job and her house went into foreclosure, she gained 30 pounds, had constant stomach aches and couldn't stop crying. Her problems seemed so insurmountable that she even started smoking for the first time in her life! Jamie's 17–year-old daughter, Breanna, blames herself for her mom's financial woes and says she doesn't even feel comfortable in her own home. Can this mother-daughter bond be restored? Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of the new book, The Stress Answer, shares tools that can help Jamie get back on track. Then, Susan says she’s quick to lose her temper and sometimes takes her anger out on her three children. She says she got so fed up with her family that she packed her bags and stayed at a hotel for several days! Dr. Lawlis pays this overworked mom a house call. Find out the stress-relieving techniques he taught Susan that you can do at home. And, Iron Chef Cat Cora whips up delicious recipes that can help you de-stress. Plus, tune in for an unbelievable performance to lift your spirits!  Share your views with others.  

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 3, 2008, 8:34 am CDT

be careful

I have been where you are I owned and operated 3 restaurants where I worked 60 to 70 hours a week then another ten at home doing paperwork.   Have 3 children and a husband, played volleyball and softball and had always been the primary bread winner.  I thought life was great until my landlord started messing with me and trying to evict us so then I had to study and research law to fight him not being able to afford a lawyer.  Slowly but surley my body started swelling up, and I became bed ridden and unable to even care for myself because I could not get myself out of the circle of stress. The things talked about on the show can definitly help however I let emotiional stress take such a toll on my body, I did almost die just by be so swollen my heart was having to work too hard just to pump blood.  I know what you are going through must be really hard but if your not careful you can damage your body.  I still am not able to work but I am learning how to combat the cycle of stress on my body, I have been able to minimize my disease through stress reducing techniques more intense that which was discussed on the show. I have to spend 3-5 hours a day doing it and I have put together periods of health ( 10 weeks is the longest) for periods of time.  I still get bumped out like when disability got declined, MONEY worries will knock me out every time.  Please take care of yourself before this stress makes you unable to physically care for yourself also.
October 3, 2008, 9:48 am CDT

Blue Man Group


I just wanted to Thank you sooooo much for having the BMG on your show. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

October 3, 2008, 10:57 am CDT


I have been living in a very stressed filled home for about the past 3-4 years. A few years ago I became disabled and since then i have been trying to deal and cope with the fact of this happening to me. I struggle on a daily basis to function like i used to do, i struggle to walk,talk, and think clearly. I do not make it a part of our everyday life in home i pretty much keep what is going on with me to myself. I just dont find it fair to my wife and our son. They do see what has and is going on with me but i choose not to talk about it because I still have a verry hard time dealing with it. My stress is pretty much with my wife and our son, she works very hard, so she is not home much which leaves me to deal with our son(wich is not easy) he is extremly spoiled, and very disrespectful to me and my wife, but my wife seems to just let it go on and on. There are days where he is just nuts and me and the dogs just lock ourselves in a room till she comes home, or if I am able to drive that day i just lock the dogs in a room and just leave. She would rather let him do what he wants and give him pretty much what he wants to avoid a fight wich in turn i see this and i just dont get it or understand. I have told her many times it doesnt matter to me, he can pich a fit flop around on the floor whatever i will not give but she does and i am just in complete disbelief. (YOU CAN NOT GIVE A CHILD WHAT THEY WANT AND LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANT AND EXPECT THEM TO COME OUT OK). My problem is that stress is having a in my opinion a horrible effect on my disability. It seems the more stressed i get the worse my symptoms become. I try to let it go and not be bothered when my wife and our son are fighting wich is pretty much every day until he gets what he wants. There have been many times i have heard and witnessed his abuse towards my wife and just simply have had to walk away and go to the garage or another room so i dont have to here it and many times just brake down in just total disbelief. I love my wife and son but the stress i believe is killing me (my opinion). The other day there was a issue with our son and my wife was not home and my son just kept on and on and this went on for 5 hours till my wife came home and i explained to her what was going on and it was like no big deal. My problem is it may not be a big deal to them but to me it is. You see because i am the one that is now paying the price for this. If i get to over stressed and i still cant figure this out, its as if someone just turned off a switch inside my head it just becomes even more dificult to function, it just gets overloaded and i just cant think anymore. I have never discussed this in detail with my wife, she or our son trully have any idea what i get to go thru after a time like this. I have allways been independent and try to do for myself so i have a hard time asking for help. So now after all the B.S. from the other day i am struggling to walk,talk or think. The pain is sometimes out of control and just brings me to tears alott. I guess the sadest think for me is my wife and son both see and know what stress is doing to me and choose not to stop! I dont understand why stress seems to magnify all my symptoms, but i can tell you its very painful and its not any fun!

October 3, 2008, 11:24 am CDT

Lots left out

Dr. Phil

This was a perfect opporunity to help lots of people with problems we all face with stress, but I felt you left out a lot of information.  I am a masters prepared RN with extensive personal and professional experience in helping people with chronic pain learn to deal with not only pain, but the causes of pain including stress.  One of the things I thought you should have addressed in this show was the obvious depression which these people were all experiencing.  The clinical signs - physical and emotional - were all very apparent and yet the only times the word depression was mentioned were in the nutrition segment and the pseudomention in the segment with Dr. Lawless when you mentioned the "depressive stress storm."  I think it would have helped to have you explain more about depression as it relates to each of these cases and how their losses, lack of resources - financial, emotional, and support system - has brought them to where they are now.  Yes, it is important to understand what is happening physically to them as a result of their stress, but they also need to have more information of the simple stress relievers you mentioned.  For example,  the blue man music, while very enjoyable was not what I would call relaxing or a stress reliever.  I think I forgot to mention that I have an undergraduate degree in Music as well as several graduate hours in Music Therapy.  When I worked with injured workers in the Chronic Pain Management Program it became very apparent that each individual had to choose precisely which music they responded to in a relaxing manner.  Many people have emotional responses to certain music because of past history as well as the various elements of music - tempo, key, dynamics, instumentation, lyrics, genre, etc.  It is important to become aware not only of your responses, but to identify why you might respond that way.  Each individual must determine which music is best for them and their own physical and physiological makeup.  Some people responded better to country western better than classical and that is due to their own makeup including experience.  It's very individual and they taught me that.  I know time constraints prevent you from going into great detail in a one hour show, but there was so much left unsaid that I felt confusion trying to follow everything.

I am very interested in reading Dr. Lawless's book and maybe that will help to clarify the points you were trying to make.  I suspect you were trying to make some very complex issues regarding stress understandable to the layperson, but only found it more confusing.

Stress is universal and unavoidable in our human lives.  Increasing eustress and decreasing distress is a great concept, but many of us no matter how educated must have it broken down in order to become aware of what's actually happening to us.  I think this is what you were trying to do, but it didn't quite come off as being cohesive and making sense as presented.  It was like jumping from one building to another and not knowing where you were or why you were going there.

I have had multiple stresses in my life including an adulterous ex-husband as well as loss of my career and financial security due to multiple back surgeries from an on the job injury.  I was fortunate enough to find a workman's comp program which helped me tremendously.  It is called a Chronic Pain Management Program.  I was fortunate enough to not only be in the program as a patient for 40 days but also transitioned my way back into the workforce by teaching and managing the program for my treating doctor.  I worked with people who were injured on the job who could relate to someone who had gone through similar situations because their support system could not understand what they were going through and was failing them.  Unfortunately, the codes assigned to this type of program are limited to reimbursement through Workman's Comp Insurance ONLY.  No other insurance prgram will cover it.  I can't tell you the number of people with chronic illnesses - Crons disease, Celiac disease, Diabetics, COPD, Arthritis, etc. who would love to have learned what the program offered, but couldn't afford the $1000 per day out of pocket expenses it took for a multidisciplinary team of Physcian, Physical Therapist, Counselor/Social Worker, and Educators  to operate such a program.  Our basic program was 20 days long (I was fortunate that due to the multiple heavy narcotics I was being taken off of, I was able to continue an additional 20 days.  Yes, you could also say I'm a slow learner too.  Probably my stubborn Irish sense of being able to take care of it all!) and most patients really didn't start "getting" it until about day 17 when you could visually see them having lightbulb moments right and left.  I'd love to see such a program out there for everyone because this basic type of information doesn't just apply to those in physical pain, but could also make people's lives much better no matter who they were or what their problems.  I don't know how to get it going.  Any ideas?

Don't get me wrong Dr. Phill,  I liked what you presented.  I just know that some of what was presented might not work for some people and there is SOOOOOO much more to it than what you presented.  I'd like to see you provide more detail in a future program.

Thanks for listening! and have a great day!

Marty Land

October 3, 2008, 11:31 am CDT

10/02 Stressed Out to the Max

I felt so bad for this mom who stated she feels like a failure right now. I recently lost my job due to my daughter getting very sick and having to be out of school for over a week. I had just started this job the week before so they let me go. Now I am looking for a job and have had no luck. I feel like a failure to my daughters. I strive to be a good parent and being able to provide for them. Right now that is very hard to do. I just went through this 2 years ago where I lost my job due to lack of work. I slipped into a deep depression slept all the time and thought of sucide often. I suffer from depression really bad anyways so when my life feels like it is slipping out of control it gets alot worse. But you know I found a job then it took a while but I found one and I will find one again. It is one day at a time. If you have done everything you can do today then you have been successful. You get up and start over tomorrow! You will find one and you will get back on your feet. Just be determined. Sure you are probably going to shed some tears in the process and some days are going to look like there is no end to the nightmare but please be sure there is. YOU will be stronger through this process as well. Keep your head held high.
October 3, 2008, 11:50 am CDT

Thankful for the show

I couldn't believe it as I watched yesterday's show.... it was like looking in a mirror.  When I heard Dr. Phil and Dr. Lawlis explain the "depressive storm" it finally gave validity to what I was feeling and described it so perfectly.  We (my husband and I) have been struggling financially for the last 5 years.  While I don't want to bore all of you with the details, I wanted to just take a minute and vent/share my feelings.  First of all my heart goes out to Jamie and I want her to know she is not alone and she will get through this.  I know Dr. Phil will see to that.  This depressive storm is like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The deeper I got into it, the sicker I became, the less I was able to work, which made the financial difficulty worse, and around and around I go.  Knowing that, didn't seem to change anything.  It is like I'm physically stuck.  I've tried giving myself a talking to, tried everything I know to pull myself out, and yet nothing happens.  I'm so thankful to hear of Dr. Lawlis' book and hopefully there I can find some help.  I'm so grateful to know there is truth to what I am feeling and that there is a physiologic change that has taken place to keep me in this downward spiral.  I also wanted to say to all those who posted here with their stories that I wish the best for all of you.  Maybe here we find our strength, to talk to others who are going through it too.  I know it has helped me.  We have to have hope that better times are coming. 
October 3, 2008, 12:12 pm CDT


I have now been laid off after 10 yrs of employment.  Never believe a owner who states he can't  run the business with out  you.  "Younger, pretty and sexy" has proved to me that knowledge and  experience mean nothing any more.


Since last May I have had my 86 yr old father living with me.  He needs to relocate to a retirement home in Conn.  Waiting list are holding us up everywhere.  Age, needs, and family problems are no excuse to relocate sooner then the 1 1/2 yr waiting list. The elderly with only Social Security is putting many on the street.


Now I have to sell a home in a depressed market, praying that I get enough to move debit free.  For right now I can continue to pay the mortage and put food on the table but this wont last forever. 


How can anyone not feel stressed when all of us have simular problems with no answers in sight.

October 3, 2008, 2:06 pm CDT

10/02 Stressed Out to the Max

Quote From: sassymae

I am  in the same boat I lost my job in April of this year and still havent found one, my husband is unable to work due to medical we have been fighting to receive Social Security for him and on top of that we have three children who are not ours biologically our but in our hearts they are our. We go next month and the twin girls who are 15 will have our name and we will be their parents, we have the most wonderful lawyer working pro-bono with us. Then in January of this year we had taken in a baby boy from a friend of our now his case is closed with CPS and we aregoing to be adopting as soon as we can the bio mom is not going to fight it cause she knows what is best for him. We have just living on my unemployement which is not much but better than nothing, and assistance with food. I have turned to go back to school through with grants and loans, which is helping some. But things are getting more tighter and sometimes I feel like there is no where to turn but one thing is constant is that I have my husband and our children to make it through.

I lost my house to foreclosure... had an ARM that shot up over $500 and in the same month, broke up with long term relationship and father of my seven year old son.   I thought I would lose my mind with the stress.   Cried so many tears.   The feeling of helplessness was horrendous.... the feeling of failure..... I could barely function..... Thank God I still have my job.   Moved to an apartment... which ..... to me is a failure... never wanted to have to live in an apartment again... I am 47 years old....... .. My entire family all own homes, and no one has made the mistakes I have made.... so ..... I am pretty isolated..... Thank God for my church family..... and heavy prayer..... I don't think I could make it any other way.

It's been 4 months, and  still have boxes unpacked... I go to work, come home tend to my son as best as I can,.,..... I am slowly coming out of the depression.,.... slowly.................. 

I know her feelings.... and they are awful..... but.................... you can come out of it.... it takes time.  prayer helps.


Bless you, you are going to be ok.

October 3, 2008, 3:26 pm CDT

Not so stressed

We are also facing bankruptcy and possible forclosure if we can't work out something with the mortgage company.  We have been through our savings and retirement.  My husband hasn't worked much in the last 2 years and as he is self-employed and only knows how to do one thing, he hasn't been able to find another job.  At almost 60 years old, that just makes it even harder, when even the younger people aren't finding jobs either.  Luckily I have my job and I work at home so am doubly blessed.  When I first realized (or admitted to myself) that we were really in trouble and could no longer pay the bills I panicked too.  I have never missed or even been late with any payment in my entire life so it was quite a blow to realize I just couldn't pay what I owed.  Then of course, the phone calls started. I didn't want to try and dodge the creditors so I answer almost all of them.  I was quite surprised to find most  of them were very understanding and not at all rude as I had expected and heard that they would be.  I was constantly thinking about it and stressing over it,  trying to come up with some angle or solution and since I always had been able to find my way out of a problem, I thought I could this time too.  I finally had to admit that this is the way it is and there's nothing I can do about it.  What a relief!  I just decided to accept it and not worry about it any more.  I still get through every day just like the day before and know that I will get through tomorrow too, but the key is only to get through today.  I don't worry about when they are going to come and take the car, I just know that they will and I am grateful for every day I have it until then.  Same thing goes for the house.  I am grateful for every day I am able to live in it, but if and when the day comes that we can't live in it anymore, that will be okay too, and I will deal with that when it happens.   I am blessed to have wonderful kids and grandkids and other family as well.  None of them are in a position to help except to be supportive and loving, and that is really all I need from them anyway.  A house is just a house, it's not your life anymore than any of your other "stuff" is.  I think we should be grateful for what we have when we have it and when it's gone, be grateful that you  had it in the first place and remember that no matter how bad you think things are for you, there is always someone who has things worse than you do. 


The only way I know how to deal with all the stress that is going on today (and there is a lot of it for sure), is to accept whatever it is, if you can change it, then do it but if you can't then let it go.  After all, what's the worst that could happen if you don't worry about how you are going to live next week?  The end result is probably going to be the same whether you are stressed about it or not, so I choose NOT!

October 3, 2008, 5:15 pm CDT

Stressed Beyond Belief

The show really touched close to home for me. On September 18, 2008 I left my home for a couple of days. I could not stand the constant arguing and my internal thought process going on constantly. I talk to myself constantly and become angry very easily. I feel that at times I am losing my mind and then I just want to check myself into a hospital somewhere. I know that medication can help with some of the symptoms, but there needs to be a life change also. My OCD has gotten way out of control and I find that I am fixated on the smallest things, from making sure the pillows on the couch are placed the right way to reloading the dishwasher after someone has already done so, because it was not done the "right" way. I recently went to a psychiatrist and found out that I also suffer from PTSD, boy that was a shocker. With all the stress, guilt and low self esteem this diagnosis did not help me. I am now supposed to participate in an intensive outpatient program three days a week, so much for looking for employment. This show was an eye opener and this really is a problem in today's society where you really do not know where to turn for help.
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