Message Boards

Topic : 10/02 Stressed Out to the Max

Number of Replies: 116
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 26, 2008, 02:41:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

Did you know stress can take years off your life and even kill you? If you feel overwhelmed, overscheduled or overextended, you don't want to miss this show! Jamie says when she lost her job and her house went into foreclosure, she gained 30 pounds, had constant stomach aches and couldn't stop crying. Her problems seemed so insurmountable that she even started smoking for the first time in her life! Jamie's 17–year-old daughter, Breanna, blames herself for her mom's financial woes and says she doesn't even feel comfortable in her own home. Can this mother-daughter bond be restored? Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of the new book, The Stress Answer, shares tools that can help Jamie get back on track. Then, Susan says she’s quick to lose her temper and sometimes takes her anger out on her three children. She says she got so fed up with her family that she packed her bags and stayed at a hotel for several days! Dr. Lawlis pays this overworked mom a house call. Find out the stress-relieving techniques he taught Susan that you can do at home. And, Iron Chef Cat Cora whips up delicious recipes that can help you de-stress. Plus, tune in for an unbelievable performance to lift your spirits!  Share your views with others.  

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 2, 2008, 8:46 pm CDT

Me too. A proponent since before 1980.

Quote From: eileenqx

 EMOTIONAL AND LIFE SKILL EDUCATION K-12 DAILY CLASSES in our schools. I have been saying this for years. I think our schools need to add psychology classes to every school, beginning with first grade. How to get along with class-mates, how to react to various potentially hurtful situations and will benefit our children so much, especially when they're further along in the educational process and, eventually, go into the job market. Basics of saving money could be taught to the middle school kids along with interpersonal relationship guidelines, role-playing (ideal for the 4th-high school grades).

I agree with all those ideas and suggested, too, except one step sooner and K-12. I think Dr. Phil and his colleagues would be able to implement a successful program. Since, I think, Dr. Phil's son, Jay, successfully implemented anti-bully campaigns in schools a few years ago.

That is one thing I'll say for the Clinton Administration... they answered e-mail "and" mail. Although, could be a post 9/11/01 phenomenon and due to lacking funds for Homeland Security, Iraq, Afghanistan conflicts etc. answering mail and email just not high priority, now.

However, I suggested Emotional and Life Skill Education K-12 to Clinton Administration and they were supportive and sent me contact information for all the Boards of Education in every State and place under U.S. Jurisdiction. I only heard back from California thinking their present program could be a model for everyone... if I remember correctly.

Actually, in past few years President Clinton was still actively involved and got one of my suggestions, he shared, implemented with soda pop and candy machines removed from schools.

Gradually, school uniforms are being introduced to more and more schools beyond just private. I am also for same sex schools due to the ever increasing "Rainbow Parties" etc. that's sadly possibly fallout over the Starr Report yet, perhaps, why Clinton Administration knew Emotional and Life skill Education K-12 a good idea was that Oval Office travesty.

The Bush Administration called Character Education then fizzled out. Actually, that is what California called as well in my August 3, 1998, response suggesting Emotional and Life Skill Education K-12 DAILY class. There's A LOT of things we need to learn to say NO to and especially recognizing boundaries (role playing) age appropriate topics. ABC After school like programs. Well, for instance, Dr. Phil and his son's books REQUIRED reading and other valuable books.

Oh, not to mention learning to say NO to pushy car salesmen and real estate agents pushing persons into cars and homes they cannot afford. That smiling friendly sales persons' eyes on commission more than what is best for economics of consumer or domino effect on USA of bad deals.

For instance, the Navy had to teach budgeting skills to several sailors that went bankrupt because prescribing anti-depressants for how depressing wasn't going to teach bankrupt sailors better money management skills. I say even have day cares in schools with all students having to spend time trying to study in one. Depression is usually a sign something needs to change and usually that something is person(s) individually or collectively. Such as with economy crisis, now.

Oh well, I'm preaching to the choir. I hope Dr. Phil and Dr. Lawlis and powers that be heard us singing. Then, join in with their wherewithal to have us all on the same page singing in harmony... promoting a DAILY CLASS K-12 teaching harmonious "interpersonal relationship" skills. Definitely, even Congress needs to read "Relationship Rescue." LOLz

Equal rights for EQ's to IQ's.

Thank you for the favorable reply. Nice to meet you. Sincerely, SEA
October 2, 2008, 8:52 pm CDT


You have really persevered.

What you said reminded me of what the young poet Mattie Stepanek said, "Remember to play after every storm."

Do you ever watch Joel Osteen of Lakewood and where you can watch online or on Podcast. Although, I watch on TV. Anyway, he's like Dr. Phil and an excellent cheering section to get excited about life. I think he is presently the leading inspirational speaker in USA and will speak in Dallas, October 12, although speaks all over USA.

God Bless You and your five year old... Keep persevering because SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU!!!
October 2, 2008, 8:57 pm CDT

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Breathing exercises can sometime reduce pain.

Quote From: varanesec

I can't do it I'm so stressed so tried in so much pain typing with one hand I have logged in many times spent hours thinking what I'm going to say then chicken out Sorry.

Just say whatever you feel comfortable saying. Your post is a starting point for wherever you want to go. I decided to share Relaxation Script below again since can ease pain. I hope eases some of your pain. Glad you posted. Hugging prayers, SEA

Dr. Phil's son, Jay, says to the count of five in his book for teens and most women say to count of five works best. So for those of us not six feet tall football players like Dr. Phil...I changed to Jay's count of 5.

Relaxation Script by Dr. Phil

Appendix A, page 285 - 286 WLC book  

BREATHE to count of FIVE each way and out... (7 FOR FOOTBALL STARS)

"Focus on your breathing: (UWS, PAGE 286) "Breathing out EXACTLY to count of 1-2-3-4-5.  So focus on letting go of everything you want to let go, especially stress, fear and any other destabalizing emotions. For a few moments, practice letting go of any tension, stress, feelings, or thoughts that you don't need right now. Let them go. Then breathe in EXACTLY to the count of 1-2-3-4-5...

Next, I want you to know that when you let these things go with your out-breath, you are replacing that space with good, nurturing air with your in-breath. Visualize that good air coming into your body and healing whatever needs restoration. Send that air to anywhere in your body and feel the love and caring you are giving yourself right now. Bring it into yourself. Practice this for a little while.

What you need to do next is to balance these in-breaths with the out-breaths, so that you will feel soothing relaxation and balance coming into your body. Practice breathing in to a count of five, 1-2-3-4-5, now breathe out, 1-2-3-4-5, in-breath, 1-2-3-4-5, and out-breath 1-2-3-4-5. count for yourself for each in-breath and out-breath for at least five minutes.

Note to yourself that you are balancing your out-breaths and in-breaths, letting the stress and tension leave your body, and allowing the good nurturing air to come in. You are releasing the stress and bringing the healing forces in. "

October 2, 2008, 10:14 pm CDT

What about the stress you caused others?

Although my first feeling was empathy for all of the situations, I actually watched this episode over. Here Jaime is stressed out about losing her job & her life being turned upside down. Did you ever think about what is happening to all of the people who are also losing their homes and have their lives turned upside down because you helped them buy a house with a subprime loan. I have so many friends neighbors & family members who innocently got sucked into these loans. Sorry Jaime but what goes around comes around. I hope you at least enjoyed the money while you had it. I also hope you teach your daughter an important lesson about treating people honestly.
October 2, 2008, 11:03 pm CDT

I lived this 13 years ago

Jamie's story brought back memories of when I divorced and re-established myself with a career as a loan officer in 1990. In 1994, the mortgage industry crashed when interest rates suddenly spiked. I went from a good income to zero overnight. As an independent contractor, I was not eligible for unemployment insurance. To make matters worse, I worked with no commissions for three months before I even realized I was unemployed.

Jamie's stress was all too familiar to me. I went from a respected, sought after resource one day to a spiral into bankruptcy the next. Before things got better, they got worse. To keep a roof over our heads, I sat hard to sell homes for a decorator who helped sellers for a fee by decorating their vacant homes to help them sell faster. I was constantly moving and temping to keep money coming in. Then I was injured in a auto accident with a speeding patrol car and was unable to even get considered for a position while on crutches and my car was totaled. With no job, I couldn't replace the car and the insurance only paid off the existing loan. My second son was a teenager at the time and was suffering the same emotional stress symptoms I was.  I didn't know then about how the brain reacts to that much stress and was glad to hear Dr. Loveless explain it. I was the same person inside, but I wasn't functioning the same outside. I lost my job, my home, a serious relationship I was in at the time, my credit and almost my sanity. I used to joke that I would have a mental breakdown, but I couldn't afford it.

I took pleasure in the things Dr. Loveless pointed out as stress relievers without even realizing I was doing that. I sang (not well) and I would feel better. I know I hadn't been breathing correctly because I would lose my breathe very quickly when I sang. Secondly, even though I worked at getting back on my feet like it was a job, I divorced myself from the outcome which freed me up to fail without punishing myself. I didn't have the energy to continue to be down every time something didn't come through.

Did things turn around for me? Yes. It wasn't fast and it wasn't dramatic, but it was steady. It took me five years from my bankruptcy to re-establish myself. Along the way, I took guardianship of my Godson wondering how I was going to raise him if I couldn't provide for me. It all worked out somehow. I own my home and have a good career. But that's not why I was moved to write. I learned that I am strong enough to weather severe hard times when I don't know where my next dollar is coming from, if I'll have transportation or food. I am still vulnerable to the physiological affects of stress, but I don't have to contribute to it by losing sight of the temporariness of the situation and even life itself.

My heart goes out to the people who are now in the position I was in 13 years ago. While it may look hopeless right now, nothing stays the same for long. Just keep breathing, smelling the flowers and making sure you keep in contact with others in your same boat. You can share resources, leads and keep each other from sinking too deep emotionally until you get your feet under you again. You'll probably look back at what you accomplished in the next five years and be amazed! (And you won't be looking at the stuff you accumulated either. That won't impress you anymore.) Just my two cents!
October 3, 2008, 12:29 am CDT




October 3, 2008, 4:19 am CDT


Quote From: beckyknapp

Your problem is CLEARLY that you have bitten off FAR more than you can chew. You've got all these people living with you in a single-wide trailer???? Lady -- that's CRAZINESS.
The daughter and the three kids need to get a place of their own. Regardless if she's able to work, there are social services agencies that will help her get into a place and if she cannot work, she will qualify for welfare and food stamps.
Your brother is ALSO unable to work? Why? He, too, needs to be booted out -- tell him to get his own place.
You take care of a niece, who I'm assuming you've raised as a daughter, and you have a disabled daughter and a disabled husband. That's FOUR people who should be living there ... and for the disabled daughter and the disabled husband, you should get benefits. Also ... since the niece is not your child, you should get support for her.
There are places to go for help ... you just have to get up and look for them, and get rid of the parasites who are sponging off of you -- the daughter and the three kids and the brother would get FIVE people out of there that you don't need to support.

The daughter with the 3 kids is the one who is disabled.  She has been to social services millions of times and no they will not help her get a place. They are not even taking applications they are so backed up.  She does get food stamps for her and the boys.  She has fibromylgia, Chronic Migranes, Generalized anxiety disorder,  major depressive disorder.`  These are my grandkids and it is my responsibility to take care of them.

The other daughter is immature but plenty able to work. She is attending a Vocational workshop to help her get a job, which around here with thousands out of work is about impossible.  Her job caoch has taken her to place after place with no luck.

My brother has nowhere else to go nor does he have anyone else to help him. He has been in and out of the hospital at least 6 times in the last 2 months. He has no insurance so they dont do much for him. He is constantly doubled over in severe pain.  The house he was staying at burned down with everything he had in it. He  has nothing or no one but me to help him.  When he lost everything not one person offered him a thing.  Although with his health and the shape the house was in he was already staying with me but his stuff was still there. A couple owned the house and was letting it go downhill because they moved to Florida.

Yes in a perfect world they would all be on their own but this is not a perfect world.  And as for the neice there is no support to get for her. Her mother is a crack ho, and who knows who her father is.  You cant get blood from a turnip.

October 3, 2008, 4:29 am CDT

good show

I too watched the show and  I felt for the mother.  It doesnt matter what type of job you had or how much money you had it is never easy to lose it all.  This is a tragic situation and it is happening all over the country. Everyone is stressed to the max. Good luck Jamie I hope things work out for you. 
October 3, 2008, 5:31 am CDT

totally stressed out too much has happened

I am so totally stressed out to the max.  I don't have children but my position and things that have happened are making me almost crazy!     I am not crazy but am stressed out to the point that I almost accidentally overdosed on some medication the other night.    o m g!  

My wonderful soul mate/b.f./heart mate/husband killed himself 11-29-2007.   I am losing my condo to foreclosure.     I am dealing w/creditors coming out of my butt!   Harrassing letters, phone calls, my crazy dysfunctional unsupportive family---most of them.   I have  friends but so many of them have their own health problems.  I am retired after 28 yrs w/federal govt- job.  I worked for SSA and helped so many people over the years.  My hubby did too. That is where we met.  We had a wonderful marriage.
Tested though not by each other just by so many things in our lives--before each we met each other.

My health was ruined by the 3 sick federal bldgs I worked in here in s. fl.  Of course u can't 'sue the federal govt' which is what you sign on your contract w/them when u get hired.  They renovated the federal bldg where I 1st got sick and found 17 inches of mold and mildew.   U have no idea how many hundreds of thousands of dollars put out over the years.  We had to have 2 mortgages on our little condo.  

My husband went through 2 bad marriages before me.  He survived a father that left when he was 3 y.o., sexual abuse from his twisted mother , his aunt and their sick group of friends.   He went to therapy years ago before he met me.  I thought all of his demons were dealt with.  He had a disabled child w/Chron's disease, which can be inherited.  Ended up my niece got it too.  We made a joint decision not to have children.  I physically could but we decided against it.  Then his son got mental.  He  had numerous breakdowns--bi polar/schizophrenic?   combo...Had to be baker acted.  My m.i.l. just fed him and helped him roam around the USA for years.  She wouldn't listen to us...oh, well,  he died 02/1999.

I survived almost dying--this is just the past 4 yrs...oxycontin given to me for neck injury--almost killed me. My body shut down--organs etc. I was 5 minutes from dying.  Then diabetes, weight problems, neck permanent pinched nerve, auto immune system damage--got something called tsietze's syndrome, constant illnesses-sinus infections, pneumonia, bronchitis, migraine headaches, hospital stays.  In 2006 alone, I was in hosp 5 times.   From oxycontin-10 1/2 days, then I fell smashed my head, broke glasses, bruised by falling on a fountain.  I am left handed broke my hand in 4 places.  that took hospital visit, then orthopedic surgeon.   physical therapy for 8 weeks.  Then my hand didn't heal and doctor wanted to re-break my hand and operate.  I said no way !    Then p.t. w/special hand therapist.  AFter all those months, I went out in back of my condo w/my hubby fishing and it was a little windy, I got abraised cornea and almost lost my eyesight.  Then 5 out patient operational procedures--3 epidurals in my neck over 5 months and then 2 more in my sternum for tsietze's syndrome.--2 for sternum did nothing.
   Then I finally went through so many more tests just to be able to get gastric bypass-wt loss surgery.  That was 05-29-2007.  2 day hospital stay. I developed a horrible gastric ulcer at incision operation sites-07/207 another 3 day hospital stay.    I lost my weight very quickly almost 65 lbs.  

   We begged family members to help us.  We begged mortgage companies, banks, loan companies.  We wrote to his super rich uncle worth 40-50 MILLION dollars for a 'loan' to help us re-financea & combine our 2 mortgages.  His pleas and my pleas went ignored.   We weren't/I'm not big spenders --we were buried with horrible medical stuff, alimony, child support, medical stuff not only w/ me but his son for years. 
   I think it's pretty sick when u can afford to help someone but you don't.  
My husband broke under years of pressure.  His wonderful, strong, mind/will/mentally broke him from all the stress.  I put him in mental hospital-reacted to all medications.  He got out-we went to a totally pill pushing whacked out psychiatrist.  I know what they are supposed to do.  I was there in interview at my husband's insistense.  This moron was weird.  I was in nursing school-didn't finish yet but now I will have to.   This idio had 'stale Dunkin donuts' and a little dog w/doodie balls hanging on his hind legs, unbathed, matted hair.   The '''doctor, so to speak' asked my husband 'were u ever sexually abused growing up.?'
Yes, he said but I dont' want to talk about it.   helloooooo?   So u ask him something/anything inane to get the patient talking then work around either in that session or next session to loosen patient up and gain their trust.  Instead he jjust wrote out 2 rx's and said, "come back next week."   Well, if he didn't help him feel comfortable why would he want to come back?  U have to establish rapport with the patient...duh! 

  So what happened?  My husband reacted horrible to the medications.    He hung himself in the bathroom 6 months to the day after my gastric bypass!   That was 11-29-2007.  I found was horrific.  I'm lucky I haven't cracked from all the stress.  I can't find work.  No one wants to hire me when they see what Imy salary used to be.  My family is dysfunctional  My mother worked for INS Head person in NOLA-she was co-secretary but she's got her own problems and I'm the 'butt end of everything'.,   My father stayed w/her 66 yrs-low self esteem/self hatred of himself/his life.  Great dad growing up-retired then full blown alcoholic which my mother childlike/crazy/whatever. They enabled/fed off each other.  He became violent and hateful/weird and mean.  Because I wouldn't give in to my mother and be the buffer anymore, he turned on me.  Helped 3 brothers financially but wouldn't help his only dtr-not once!  I was so desperate-still am.  
Before my husband, I barely survived a crazy fiance that put me in physical danger-abused me-mentally, physically, emotionally.  He almost killed me 11 times-sent me to hospital.   I got away from him. I was independent living on my own totally 100% since age 19.   I met him a singles  group-church sponsored and dated, then engaged for 2 yrs and he was never crazy.  I left my fed job to move away/travel first, the out west to ca. to college, and he started beating me...mentally torturing me to point where I almost cracked!
  I had to move back to my crazy parents home.  My dad was rip roaring drunk one night and attacked me almost killing me w/16 inch carving knife!  all because I told my mom that I 'disagreed about something she said"....duh.   So i got out of there as quickly as I could.  I saved my little money up bought a 2nd hand car, got my own apt.     I'd gone to group abused women's group therapy and individual one on one therapy.  My therapist said  I was the most functional person she'd ever met.  I went about 4 months and she said, U don't need any more ther apy unless u feel you do.  U face what u have to face.  sounds like your mother was a child/child like and u were the adult....yeah, I said, pretty much...   So I've had to be grown up in many ways at early age.   It made me tougher but not mean!

   I got reinstated w/federal govt from NOLA area to s. fl.   my husband transferred down from NYC to s. fl and that's where we met.  He'd been to therapy for what he suffered growing up.   
   We were both older, tempered by life and knew what we wanted....
    Now I'm left losing my condo, moving 1/2 way across usa to live w/friends, no job prospects, credit is ruined for 1st time in my entire life!  At least I have my federal pension-though small and hlth insurance. I have no one to help me move.   
  I had to seek out temporarily a psychologist just to deal w/everything.

Now, on top of all that, the only 1 of my 3 brothers---I'm only girl from 2 families of boysand NOT Spoiled. tomboy but not prissy or bratty...I don't think so.    My only brother Dan that called me the night my husband killed himself-my favorite brother, dropped dead from ht attack in his sleep 07-16-08 and then my father exactly 1 week later 07-23-2008.  None of my family-not my mother or other 2 brothers, called me, wrote me by snail mail or emailed me. I got no sympathy cards from anyone of them...only friends, neighbors and colleagues from our federal job.  

I am taking things moment by moment.  It's very hard when you are functional and had a wonderful relationship of almost 20 yrs.    I am 54 y.o. and don't even know if I'll be able to deal with college.   
I don 't want to 'be taken care of"  I hate being w/out my soul mate/b.f.   Why does this happen?  I will never know...keep me in your thoughts and prayers please.  Jesus will show me the way to go and will hold me.

Lord have mercy!   I will never give up--not ever! 
October 3, 2008, 6:13 am CDT

Your message re"your depression"

Quote From: simplykayv

I watched Dr. Phill about this stressed out to the max and Dr. Phill's show had good information but some people like me needs more.  I have been depressed/stressed for over 5 years and in a Dr.'s care.  Been on a number of prescription drugs and nothing seems to help.  I still take some but I really don't know why.  My health has gone downhill very bad, hight BP, Thyroid disorder, my body hurts all over, weight gain, can't sleep, eat or don't eat I lay around and it's hard to just do simple daily chores such as make my bed get dressed.  I am afraid to go out into public because I'm afraid I will do something wrong.  I hate myself, I use to be pretty, think, fun, very family oriented.  Now I'm fat, ugly, self conscious, sad, my memory is not very good and I'm just afraid.  My family really doesn't understand to move to Vietnam due to his PTSD we were married 23 years.  I have never lived alone and I hate it.  I have a boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and want to live with him and am at his home most of the time day and night but he does not want me to live with him.  I don't understand that part of him, but he is a wonderful person and truly loves me and helps me out so very very much.


I don't know how to get through this depression and have tried to kill myself twice but asked for help one time and a stranger called the police another time.  I have been in the mental part of the hospital 3 times and it was good while I was there but got home and same old thing.  I had 2 friends kill themselves one was my best friend I met in 1st grade she killed herself at the age of 49 by taking a skill saw and cutting her head off.  I understand why she killed herself as she did it only for her.  I think of killing myself daily and really don't know why I haven't did it yet.  I was raised by an abusive mother but stood by her side till I moved out. 


I don't know how to get out of this mode and the little suggestions Dr. Phil's show gave us today might help some and I will try them, but I'm afraid I and others need more.  Oh, I live on SSD $994.00 per month so not much extra to blow.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  For others like me I will pray for you.



I read your message.  I know how hard it is to hold on.  Often u t hink   ''why?"   however, I know it will get better.   It's hard but make yourself get out of the house.  U can go to some local places ---free of charge.   I have been homeless.  I know how hard it is.  My mother was abusive/non nurturing to me.  My dad was a wonderful dad and I had  3 brothers- I've survived so much in my life.   My dad wasn't happy staying with my mom.    She was co-secretary to Head of INS in NOLA for years but she's got big problems.   She hated me--even though they say they 'love u'    words are cheap...actions speak louder.  He knew we got along lie 'oil and water'   She seemed childish, insecure, with me.   Jealous of my dad and me our relationship growing up.  He is a Iibra and I'm a Gemini.  We both loved doing stuff around the house together,,,
AFter Hurriicane betsy we llost rooof tiles on our house.  I was up on the roof helping.   U might be surprized at how independent and strong you can be living by yourself or roomate and sharing. your expenses.  
U may want to try and get a 'sad' light.  If it's overcast a light where you live you may need a S.A. D. .light.  It's a special light that can help mood disorders.

Also, I've learned over many years to 'stop worrying bout that others think aout me.....Who cares?  Someone nasty is always going to make a comments or harsh remark.  I have reached the point when I was very heavy-due to cortisone shots/3 different medications just for diabetes alone....It was awful.  

I had never had a weight problem growing up but was tall 5;6" and stocky.  I got teased about being a 'big girl' --I wasn't fat but stocky. muscular.  I like some dolls-barbie midge skipper and Ken but not fanatacial about them.  If it's overcast that can contribute to depression.  The SAD light will probably help.
there are libraries to read/check out book, etc and even some dvd's cd's, movies, sometimes scuptures they might lend u.
  Get sunshine everyday for 10 minutes-w/no sunblock.  This will increase your vit.D. Don't woirry about what everone else'might say' or that 'they will look at you===  more on this later   u can write to me directly   My email is barbara j k feller AT gmail dot com.  I worked as Senior service rep. at SSA.  I might be able to get au a list of local referrals that can help you also.   
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Next | Last