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Topic : 09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Number of Replies: 103
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Created on : Thursday, September 25, 2008, 01:17:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

Have you ever had a horrible day at work and came home and dumped your baggage on your spouse? Or are you the type to bottle up your emotions and shut yourself off to loved ones? Police officers and firemen have to look death in the face every day. Their stress levels are so intense that 75 to 90 percent of their marriages end in divorce. This was the outcome for Ty and Wendy's 11-year marriage. Ty is a police officer, and Wendy says he brought his anger home and treated her and their three kids like they were inmates in jail. Ty acknowledges his negative behavior and wants to know how to change it. The couple is considering getting remarried, but will they feel the same after Dr. Phil tells them the five things they must do to make their relationship work? Then, get a sneak peak at Kirk Cameron's new movie, Fireproof, which explores the private battles many people who work extreme jobs face. Kirk and the moviemakers join Dr. Phil and share why they were so passionate about getting this movie made. Then, Kelly says her marriage is in trouble. Her husband of 16 years, John, recently became a firefighter, and she says she feels like a single mom because he puts more time into his job than his family. And, hear from Karin whose husband, Karl, has been a firefighter for 19 years. Learn the ways she handles her husband's intense emotions and how they maintain a good relationship. These are not the only extreme jobs that can cause marital crises. If your spouse is a workaholic and your marriage is suffering, you don't want to miss this show. 

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October 9, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

I agree 100%!!!!!!!!

Quote From: megmillspaugh

Dr. Phil,

   I am married to a Paramedic and have been around EMS for awhile now and I am very insulted at the fact that you failed to mention anything about EMS people in your show today. This show was very touching to me because our family is effected by everything you have mentioned today. Paramedics save lifes and lose lifes just as Firefighters and Police Officers do and to leave them out of the group of Public Service individuals today on your show is insulting to every Paramedic and EMT that has saved a life, had to come home to their family, have no way to vent and take things out on the their family members. Our Public service workers need better care in their mental health while on jobs!! In the future I would hope that you wouldn't forget about the men and women that may need to save your life or one of your family members! Nothing upsets me more then when people forget about the job that my husband carries out everyday!

Very UPSET & Offended Wife!!

I agree with you!! I am a Paramedic and have been doing this for 18yrs.  Police and Firefighters deal with death everyday?  Lol.  We in EMS deal with people dying everyday.  I am not aking anything away from the police and fire, however, EMS alsways gets left behind on recognition.  I do not think Dr. Phil did his hoework on this topic.  I am an advid watcher of his show, and I could not believe he left us out...He probably does not read these blogs anyway...
October 16, 2008, 3:00 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Quote From: hesgonehuntin

I have been married to a firefighter for 20 years and his job has taken a huge toll on our marriage and family.  He is not at home much and although I realize that he has many stresses in his profession, we all need to remember that these people have chosen their profession and most of the firemen I know completely love their jobs...!  I think what Dr. Phil left out of the picture is what it is like for the wives of those men who have all the "stress."  Who do you think is doing the most important job of all...raising the kids, holding the family together and coping with all the "stress" that is being brought home?  If you think that those holding the jobs have all the need to reevaluate!!!  They are everyones hero.  They consistently get positive feedback from people everywhere and rightfully so.  They have a job unlike any other, but being married to them is a huge challenge all in itself.  Knowing that your family comes second to their career is a tough pill to swallow.  No one knows, including you Dr. Phil, what it is like to live this life unless you have done it.  There are many who adore their husbands career and put them upon a pedestal just like the rest of the world, but I know there are just as many if not more who are proud of their husbands, but also need more than a part time father around may be true for women firefighters also, but I am not in that position so I can not speak for them.  I only know what it has been like for me to have to be the sole caretaker of my 2 boys for a good portion of their lives.  Their dad comes and goes and mom is always there and they learn to count on that....but we the wives have no stresses in our lives!  Being a mom is the toughest job on the planet....combine that with being married to a fireman who loves his job and has a complete other family he lives with, the stress that he brings home, tiredness that he brings home, so that now that he is home, he is too tired to do things with his family, the attitude that follows him wherever he goes, along  with the pride....there are so many aspects of this life that were not even mentioned in this show.  Maybe we all need to recognize that it is NOT just about the people actually doing the jobs of fire and police and EMS....but just as importantly it is about their spouses and what they do on a day to day basis to try to keep their marriages and families together!!!  I know the divorce rate is high with these guys....but there are a few who do stick it out and I sure wish there was some credit given to those of us who have stayed in a marriage where there seems to be a huge empty hole that sometimes never seems to get filled.  Dr. Phil, you are with your wife daily and good for you, but neither you or Robin can even begin to imagine the effort and sacrifices that we make everyday, and in every way.  I am very proud of my husband, he is an amazing man, and a wonderful financial provider, but  being married to a fireman, is probably the toughest job I have ever had.  You are on your own so much of the time and you can't call him to come home at the drop of a just doesn't work that way.  A firefighters wife is a constant battle between being completely  independent and then trying to switch gears overnight to try to become engaged as a family again and a couple again.


 .  It is a very difficult road to hoe.  The firemen, they get to leave and become a hero in others eyes while we the wives are at home holding their families together..and no one pats us on the back!!

WOW - you must be reading my mind, you took the words right out of my mouth!  Not sure this post will even be read since the show aired 3 weeks ago and being the wife of a firefighter who is NEVER home I just found the time to watch it today :-)  My husband is a full time firefighter/paramedic and he also is the owner of a company and works another full time job on his "days off" from his 24 hour shifts so he is never home.  We did see the movie Fireproof, it was good but they really needed to add a couple kids into the marriage, would have loved to see how they made that work! We have 2 small children (preschool and kindergarten) and I feel like a single mom most of the time. I have said the opening line of the movie too many times when they ask where daddy is.  Unless you live this life you have no idea what it's like to be married yet alone so much. I've said before that I'd have more free time if we got divorced and he was court ordered to take the kids once a week and every other weekend! 


Someone else posted that firefighters are always looked at as being hero's, and they are . . . . but to us they are just a husband and a father who is needed at home. I've even had people beg me to set them up with single firefighters because it would be great to be married to one - ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  My response is always . . . why would you want to marry someone who is gone for over 24 hours every 3 days, gone on most holidays, Santa has to come early because daddy won't be home on Christmas, will miss your kids programs at school, runs into burning buildings, doesn't get paid enough to live a normal life so he needs to work a second job, people like you always flirting with them, if you want to keep a normal social life you go to parties and functions alone, your kids are constantly asking if daddy is coming home tonight and when they are home they are too tired to help you.  Yep, that's the marriage I had always dreamed of.  


My husband loves what he does and I respect that, but I don't think he has any idea of how hard it is to have him gone so much.  Our fighting is not as bad as that in the movie, it's more me complaining because he is never here and him complaining that I want him to help when he gets home after he's been working all day and night already. If he didn't have to work a second job and was home a little more it might not be so bad.  I kind of enjoy him being gone now and then, the nights you can feed the kids cereal for dinner when you haven't had time to go to the store, ha :-) The second job is needed so we can maintain what we think is a normal middle-class life style.  He works for a fire department in a large city but the salary is no where near enough what is needed to live in a nice neighborhood with a good school district.  Good show Dr. Phil, but I think this could actually be a two week series if you were to touch on everything!  Thanks for letting me vent :-)



February 8, 2009, 1:25 pm CST

Thank you!

Quote From: kevinty

Excellent perspective!
Taken me awhile to check back here. I think my computer has been broken for that long. I wonder how this couple is doing now?
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