Message Boards

Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 24, 2008, 3:46 pm CDT

same boat

Quote From: deyna65

hi.............i would like to  know the place where it was free to find your biofamily.............I'm 43 yrs. old and searching for my bio mom and dad and any siblings i may have...........I was only 6 weeks old when I was adopted and would like to begin a search.............Thanks...........Deyna

Hi Deyna,

My name is Susan and I am in the same boat as you. I am 41 years old and would like to begin searching for my biological mother and or father. I too was given up at birth. I know how much my adoptive parents loved me and it was out of respect to them that I hadn't started the search sooner, however they are both deceased now and I can't help but wonder about my biological parents. I just don't knkow where to even begin????????

 
September 24, 2008, 3:51 pm CDT

looking for love? (or just money)

 I'm not surprised to see that many others feel the same way I do, concerning Catherine.  Unfortunately, I missed the first minutes of the show.  Did catherine have physical proof  that the man  she is claiming  to be her father, actually is, or is this strictly based on her  Mom's identification?  She stated she grew up only with her mother and brother.  Did her Mom have a second child as a single parent?  The reason I ask, is that Mom appears to have had multiple partners.  Is it possible that this man, whom she feels is financially oblgated to support her, is not actually her father.  Considering he was denied any rights or priveledges as a parent, I find it unreasonable to expect him to have financial responsibilities.

Actually, Catherine is an adult now, and has made adult decisions to be sexually active, and to bear and keep a child, she is "out of line", looking to find someone else to be responsible for her actions.  Even if she had been raised by her father, he would have the option at this point as to whether he assists her.  That's assuming he is in a position to do so.

Many young adults, seem all too willing and expect their aging parents to use their life's savings and pensions to support their lifestyles.

Catherine; for someone who is so resentful of the upbringing you had, why have put another child in the same situation?
 
September 24, 2008, 3:59 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: michelleleew

I found out a little over a year ago that my Mom had given a baby girl up for adoption in 1970. My sister attempted to contact my Mom and my Mom doesn't understand how anyone would want to know her after what she did to her. I on the other hand do understand. I never knew my father, and I have lost 2 of my brothers tragically. I don't have the money to hire a PI and the adoption agency in Texas says I can not have contact without my Mom's permission. It's hard for me to go against my Mom. I don't want to hurt her anymore than she is now,but I want to know my little sister. I don't have a clue how to start being Texas has closed adoptions.

You shoul tell your mom that what she did was NOT a shameful thing. She gave upl a daughter so that her daughter could have a better life than what she could provide at the time. She gave the gift of life.

 

P.S. I was adopted.

 
September 24, 2008, 4:09 pm CDT

I worked in Adoption Reunion for almost 10 years

and we found that probably at least half of reunions either continue a relationship and others don't...

I had a reunion (several) from hell...most of my family is /was involved in substance abuse, and i don't think there were a lot of expectations, but i just figured that at the very least i'd get the truth about what happened with me, and all my birthmother did was lie.

 

I related to the show you did a long time ago when this mother did nothing but lie to her son...and i kinda felt like he did, that she at the very least owed him the truth.

 

I think there are a lot of expectations that things will go fine, and sometimes they do, but "blood is thicker than water" is not always true...you have to recognize that you're strangers, raised differently and maybe not even having a lot in common. And that is perfectly okay.

 

I found there was a "double standard." I was to treat everyone like family but they didn't treat me that way. It was time to just let it go...especially dealing with substance abuse.  I decided i didn't want that in my life.

 

It probably seems unsympathetic but "blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be diappointed." *smile*

 

I like my life, i don't like the complications/family politics and crap that i had to put up with...and that's just fine.

 

You either learn to accept each other for who/what you are or give it up. If you can't do that, then you're not friends and there isn't hope for a good relationship.

 

 

 
September 24, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

HELP ME FIND MY BIRTH PARENTS

I WATCHED YOUR SHOW TODAY AND I ALWAYS HAD THE QUESTION "SHOULD I LOCATE MY PARENTS"...I AM 37 YEARS OLD I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE...CAN YOU HELP ME?
 
September 24, 2008, 4:12 pm CDT

Not quite the same

Quote From: nativeman34

 

First of all i would like to say that i really enjoy the show always have intresting information and ideas on how to make things work.

 

I now what the first lady is saying on todays show, as my dad disowned me when i was 7 years old and that really affected me and to this day it still affects me.

 By the "first lady" I assume you are speaking of Catherine.  I believe her story was that her father had no idea she existed.  That's not quite the same as having a father who was in your life for seven years and then just bails out.  My heart goes out to you.  I was divorced when my son was 5, even though he was supported by his father and spent weekends with him, I saw the grief my son suffered over not having his dad at home as he had before.  How much you must have suffered.  I think this would be much worse than having never known a parent.

I can't imagine what this man is feeling having a young woman (with a child) show up after twenty-somthing years, claiming to be his child expecting finacial support and making public accusations on national TV, that he cares more about his dog than her.  As far as I'm concerned, let's see some DNA first!
 
September 24, 2008, 4:18 pm CDT

Stealing and selling someones child

There was an very obvious unanswered question in this Dr. Phil show about the mother: Angel and her twin sons. The story is one if absolute kindness and watching a loving, humble,  birth mother, want the information about her twin boys. The VERY disturbing portion that was an Elephant sitting in that reunion of the two mothers, was the ability of the adoptive mother, to have somehow gotten 5 year old twins, given to her, by a disinterested father. And to have never had one contact, through attorneys, with the actual birth mother. This entire situation, is NOT believable, as to how you would go to a church or social club, and end up, through friends, with the offer of  "2" 5 year old children. This adoption story is one of: MONEY! And the people involved were NOT truthful or honest with the birth mother, or had the CHILDREN'S BEST interests at heart. They had THEIR interests at heart first and foremost. The father is the perfect example of those parents who take the children, to punish the spose in the way that would MOST crush and hurt them. And to take ANY child, from a stranger with NO SEARCH for the OTHER PARENT or their family, is despicable at best. Yes, the mother raised the boys, and they seem like wonderful young men. But the cruel truth is, those children were used by the man who took them, and disposed of them, and the adoptive parents and their attroneys, who figured out how to beat the system of the courts, by obtaining those boys. Someone is lying here. And it is not something, that should not be discussed. The horror of having your child stolen and sold IN AMERICA, and ALL the family members keeping silent about this situation, made me feel, happy the mom found them, but heartbroken for the way it was done. Someone needed to be a hero, to that  birth mother , when that father was marketing those children, And NO ONE WAS! I wonder how many more stories like this are out there.? If this people could obtain 5 year old children , without the mother notified, then there must be many more. I think Dr. Phil should do an entire show, on missing and stolen children, abducted by their birth parent, and hiding them, from the other parent. Maybe there would be a few children, returned to their rightful family and not sold or adopted fradulantly. Anyone else wondering or hurting about this part of the story, that WAS NOT discussed?

 
September 24, 2008, 4:20 pm CDT

The Best and the worst?

I spent over 5 years searching online for my absent father.  My parents divorced when I was not even a year old.  My childhood was horrible, with hunger and abuse of all kinds leaving me a lost and lonely woman.

Finally, there was a nibble!  I got an email, then a phone call from the wife of my younger half brother!  I got my father's info, he had also been searching for his 3 lost children.  I contacted my brother and gave him the news.  After several phone calls, my father and his wife came out to visit.  They went to my brother's house, as he had room for them to stay.  My husband (then fiance) and I drove down to meet him.  His first words were "She's a Jernigan!"  I felt amazing!  I did look like family, I did belong somewhere!  We caught up a little, sharing photos and some stories.  He asked me to reconcile with my oldest brother.  I didn't know how to explain the 'why' of our estrangement to our father.  The abuse we siblings suffered at the hands of that psychopathic monster...  I wish now I had tried harder....

My father and his family moved to my brothers' city to live and be nearer to them.  Work and transportation prevented me from being able to visit him.  Soon, my oldest brother showed his true colors again, and my father's family suffered a little from the lies and illegal activities, and left the state.  But they got out of the housing market pretty near the top, and made a LOT of money when they sold their houses.

My father seems to have cut me out of his life.  I can't get ahold of him by email, and don't have his new phone number.  My brother won't give me the info for some reason.  I don't know if they are blaming me for not warning them about the oldest, or if they think I don't care or don't need him or something.

I am also estranged from my abusive mother, and if it weren't for my husband and his father, I would have no family at all. 

I still retain a little identity, that I look like people in my father's side of the family, which is something I didn't know before.  But I am still missing my Dad, and I still feel that I need him.

I feel I am being punished for being the one to try to bring us all together again.  And I don't know if I would recommend it to others as much as I would have before.

So, it's been bother wonderful and terrible....
 
September 24, 2008, 4:26 pm CDT

Finding my biological Father

My Mother lived in Copenhagen, Denmark, met my biological Father in Germany, he was american stationed there. Long story short, he left to go back to the states, she found herself single and pregnant. He was notified by international red cross, he and his Mother decided not to acknowledge or get involved. My grandmother raised me. 15 years later, Mother now married to another american service man and living in the states. I came to live with her. At 21 tried to contact international red cross to locate my father, but only had his name, no info on which branch of service etc. A fire had burned records from original search. No luck until I tried the internet at 40 something. Found him, living in Pennsylvania. Wrote him letter, only wanted to know if he was my Father and if he would be interested to meet. No desire to disturb his life, but wanting medical info at the least. No response. 2-3 years went by, meantime, he changed his phone # to unlisted. However, I did find his younger brother, he was very happy to hear from me, turns out I was the dirty little never spoken about secret. Never met my Father, he is in denial at 78, has no other children, but has 2 grandchildren he is not interest in either. HIS LOSS, the rest of his family have been wonderful, I have found cousins, aunts & uncles and now have a better understanding of why I look like I do, health concerns, but best of all a family in the states. So while I did not accomplish meeting my Father, I gained a wonderful new family who have more than made up for my "father's" short comings. If you don't try, you will never know what is out there, good or bad. I feel complete, does it hurt that he still is not interested, a little, but it says a lot about the kind of person he is and made me realize the old saying, be careful what you wish for, he would never have been the kind of Father I had dreamed of, just not capable and I end up feeling very sorry for him and wondering if he sleeps good at night. Great show!
 
September 24, 2008, 4:36 pm CDT

A starting point ....

For those who want to find out how to search  - I would start with Cyndi's list

http://www.cyndislist.com/adoption.htm

I was not adopted.  My birth certificate was amended in 1964.  My mother had me between marriages. I was 9 when I found out I wasn't from her 2nd marriage.  I figured that there was no father listed on the orginal and they asked the court to put my stepfather's name on there 5 years later. 

She would never tell me who my father was until 1995 when I got the nerve to ask her again. I was 36 with 3 kids of my own.  I have been told stuff by my mom , that he was dead. So I wrote to the catholic church in the city.  Could find no record of death.  It wasn't til the Indianapolis city directories were posted online (free) that I was able to find a trace of him in 1960.   Then I searched for an obit and SSDI.  Needless to say I found his obit  :-(  he died in Jan '96 and my mother had died Dec '96 - how Ironic!!!!!

So I searched for an address of who was listed in the obit and sent a registered letter in Nov '07 and Got no response.  Here is what the letter said:

November 6, 2007  

   

(addressed to)   

   

Mr. _____,  

   

My name is ___  and Iam doing genealogy research on my PATERNAL line to know my heritage and anymedical history.  I have sent this lettercertified so you and your family will know that I am very sincere about thefollowing information:   

   

My mother met your fatheraround August to November 1958.  She wasa waitress who had just gotten divorced in July 1958 from her 1sthusband ____. I am assuming that my mother and your father had a lot incommon.  My mother was born in __ Co.,Pennsylvaniaand also lived or visited the NewYork towns of Corningand Bath.  

   

I have a very strong reasonto believe that your father is my birthfather. I was born in ____,Indiana to ___on ___ 1959.  My original birth certificate probably states ___ or ___ ___.    

   

I do not know if your fatherknew my mother was pregnant and/or told anyone in his family.  I was about 9 years old when I found outthat I wasn’t a (surname) or a (surname).  Myoriginal birth certificate was amended in 1964 to change my name to (full name) ((surname) being my stepfather’s name whom mymother married as her 2nd husband in 1963.  There was no adoption.)  It wasn’t til I was an adult withchildren of my own that I had the nerve to ask my mother who my father was.  She didn’t and wouldn’t talk about thatperiod in her life and only gave me these clues:  

      Name:     XXX  XXXX  

      Work:     Chrysler  

      Age:  older than her –she was born in 19XX  

      Born:      Pennsylvania  

      Other locations:  Michigan  

      Family:    maybe ason  

      Religion:   Catholic  

   

My mother died December1996.  And I have 2 sets of clip backearrings that (full name) gave her. She lost 1 part of a set.  Copy ofthe note she left me is enclosed.  

   

I am not seeking any part ofany one’s inheritance.  I just want toknow my paternal heritage and medical history. I hope I can find an end to my search. I also realize that for everyone to be absolutely certain I would needto have a DNA test done.  

   

I hope to hear from you soon.  

   

Sincerely,
 

 
 

XXX  XXXX, SSgt, USAFretired  

(address here)
Tele:    

Email:   
 

So I have this hole - and feeling of being unwanted or I don't matter which I have had all my life even around my maternal side of the family.
  

   


 
First | Prev | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Next | Last