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Topic : 09/23 Before You Do

Number of Replies: 116
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:23:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every day, you make simple decisions as you go about your life, but once in a while, you're forced to make a big decision that has the power to change your life forever. When it comes to these big decisions, is there a way to know if you're really making the right choice? Dr. Phil is joined by Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Before You Do, to arm you with the tools you need to make great decisions you won't regret. Sabrina and Bruce have been married for six-and-a-half years and have three small children. Bruce says there's no affection in their marriage, and Sabrina says they're constantly at each other's throats. To add to their misery, two of their children were born with medical problems, Bruce recently lost his job and their home was foreclosed. Should this couple stay and try to make it work, or part ways? Bishop Jakes weighs in with his five-point decision-making plan. Next, what would you do if your sibling needed one of your kidneys to live? Josh, 21, was diagnosed with kidney disease and needs a transplant. His brother, Tim, is most likely a match, but he can't decide if he wants to make the sacrifice. Find out why Tim says this is the toughest decision he has ever had to make. And, meet a couple who wants to get married, but there's one problem: She wants kids, and he wants a vasectomy! What does Dr. Phil say?

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 28, 2008, 10:42 am CDT

Oh My

I was wondering if Dr. Phil or any of his people really read these boards.  I hope so because I feel that some of these people need help.  To claim that I have not done anything to help my brother was uncalled for .  You do not know me or my family and I was totally taken aback with this comment.  People are so judgmental and instead of writing praises and trying to help some of you want to put down and accuse.  Please reread your posts before putting them on and then put yourself in the shoes of the person you are writing to or about.  Would you feel good about what you read?  I know I do when I post.
September 28, 2008, 2:32 pm CDT


Quote From: wolf39us

I am the man on the show, I have already gone for the snip and I am very happy about it!


why is it that I have to defend myself in every aspect?  Haven't you people ever heard of someone that "gasp" doesn't want kids???


OMG he's going AGAINST "the" lifescript!!!


I'm willing to bet that if I said I wanted children that everyone will congratulate me or give me a hoorah

soooo I am old enough to make a decision to HAVE children but oh no don't you dare NOT have children! that would be disastorous!


And to the people who talked about her oopsing me...I assure you I am quite on the path to beingi very much sterile, so I won't worry about it


My life goals are to see the world, become very successful and learn several languages...maybe work for the government someday....something most people don't do... you know, the ones that have to live paycheck to paycheck to support their children


I'm sorry but that just isn't the life for me!

 Isn't it funny how people hit the roof when the idea of procreation doesn't make you all starry eyed and mushy? I have known from the age of 11 that children were never in my future and the complaints from others and rude comments have never stopped. People who CHOOSE to have children don't have to justify their choice but those of us who CHOOSE not to be parents are always need to have a dissertation on our CHOICE. We have our reasons and quite frankly it is nobody's business but our own. Ideally.

It is assumed that my husband and I (both educated professionals in our mid-late 20's) have very empty and unfulfilled lives, loads of extra cash, lots of free time that we should be donating to our friends with kids, and are extremely selfish. Not the case actually since we did what was best for us, and since we don't think we would make good parents why bring innocent lives into a home where they are not wanted? Besides, no one is being harmed by our decision.

I finally got approved for the procedure (we haven't been able to find a doctor to snip my husband so I get it done) after being insulted by 2 other physicians who had the gall to tell me to grow up and come back when I'm an adult. Well, I finally found a very nice doctor that recognized my concerns (the idea of pregnancy and child birth terrifies me which apparently is another opinion that I am not supposed to have as a woman, or so I have been told) and approved me.

Also, should we do change our minds, what is so wrong with adoption? I really feel if you are fit to be a parent you would be able to love a child no matter what, since it is always being called unconditional right? We don't need a clone of us running around to feel like a parent.
September 28, 2008, 2:50 pm CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: lovingone

The problem with the anti children stance is that it seems like no one who believes in this EVER simply states ...


"  I am not prepared nor equiped to fit into my lifestyle the attention and work that is required to give a child the upbringing they deserve."


Rather it always comes out "kids are a drag, kids tie you down, kids are messy, kids are expensive,  KIDS ARE THE PROBLEM, I AM FINE"


So certainly when people who don't want kids give this type of additude they will be met with hostility because they make it sound like kids are evil for requiring proper care rather then just admitting they aren't up to the task of raising them.

I agree with you but  sometimes the repeated snide comments or rude behavior can make you pretty cranky sometimes.  The way I've changed my behavior (no, not my mind) is that I've gotten much better at taking the ignorant comments people make and learn to keep my brain-to-mouth filter in check.

I wish that honest comment above would stop some people in their tracks, but alas, some are just not satisfied with such a short statement for such a personal choice.
October 7, 2008, 4:24 pm CDT

What happens if YOU need a kidney later?

Would your brother give you your kidney back if you needed it?
The show made it seem like your choices were baseball career vs brother's life. I think they got it wrong. Your brother is an "addict", look into how many addicts (including alcoholics) that have zero sobriety that do not abuse their new transplants. Look to your future, imagine loving wife, children and your one kidney collapses. Widow and fatherless children.
You know, gotta love your brother but you are right in accepting him for what he is and protect yourself and your loved ones. When your brother dies it will be his choice and the comfort that you might have is that it was his addiction vs your children having a dad. Signed An addict with 13 years reccovery
November 23, 2008, 4:53 pm CST

For Tim



This is probably a bit late (we get the shows a few months later in Australia), but I think the Bishop was a little unfair to you.  I am a very giving person, and would do just about anything for my loved ones, but there is no way I would give up a kidney for anyone who was using drugs and drinking.  It doesn't make any sense.  They would just waste the kidney anyway.  It isn't about putting your rules on it, and making it conditional like the Bishop said.  The fact that the person is using would just affect the choice I made.  Even if the person promised to change their lifestyle, I wouldn't make any commitment unless that change was clearly demonstrated.  People with addiction problems often make promises to themselves and others that they just can't keep.


Good luck


April 16, 2009, 8:58 am CDT

Too young for a vasectomy?

Today, this episode of Dr. Phil aired in the Netherlands. The last item on the show caught my attention and alas, what I feared became true. The young man who wants to be childless, was told he was too young to make a permanent decision like a vasectomy. And on this, I do not agree.


I am thirty years old and I have never seen myself as a mother. Over the years, I have learned to tolerate children but I do not ever see myself really loving children, let alone wanting one or more of my own. I have been very clear about this for many years. I fear I will have to battle the "every woman wants kids"-lobby for at least ten more. Why can't people just believe me? They thought I was too young to know I didn't want children when I was 20. At 30, they still doubt me but I don't doubt what I feel.


Why would a young man of 22 years not be able to know he doesn't want to be a father? Why do people tell him he is too young for a vasectomy? Vasectomies aren't nearly as permanent as children are. If he does get a vasectomy and decides later in life that he changed his mind, he can have it undone or adopt a child or be a foster parent. When you do get children, you can't go to K-Mart and ask if you can exchange them for some nice curtains. The choice to have children is much more invasive and permanent than having your tubes tied. But you don't hear anybody telling a young woman she is too young to make such a life-changing and permanent decision. On the contrary, she will get applause because people love it when you're 20 and saying you're expecting ot at least want to be. I have never heard anyone warning young people they might change their minds and regret having children later on. But it happens.


So, and I hope you read this Dr. Phil, don't tell people they are too young to know they never want to be parents. If people can decide to have kids, they can also decide not to. Childfree people may regret their decision later in life, but usually don't. People who did have children, also may regret having them but where can they go? Take childfree/childless people seriously. Most of them have given their decision a heck of a lot more thought than most of the (wannabe) parents out there.

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