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Topic : 04/25 Confronting Grandpa

Number of Replies: 1222
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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:26:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
A mother’s suspicion, a dirty secret from the past and shocking allegations continue as Sherie-Lynn and her husband, Todd, confront the man they suspect has molested Sherie-Lynn’s son, Parker. Did Sherie-Lynn’s own father, Al, whom she claims violated her as a child, turn his sick attentions to his own grandson? Is that why Parker, now 12, has been acting out sexually since he was 4 and has recently been expelled from school for violent behavior and inappropriate sexual conduct? Al admits he inappropriately touched Sherie-Lynn when she was just 2 weeks old, but says that was it, and says he never touched Parker. But as Dr. Phil digs deeper, he uncovers physical abuse and three other possible victims. Will a lie detector test settle the matter once and for all? Sherie-Lynn’s brother, Marty, doesn’t know what to believe. How will he feel about his father babysitting his own kids after the results of the polygraph test? And, what happens next for Parker? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 19, 2008, 4:51 am CDT

WHAT was she thinking

Why did she let this man arround her child after what he did to her.  My father molested my oldest sister and he only saw my daughter in my presents never alone.   Not even if I had to use the rest room.  I dont understand why people  say don't smoke don't drink  but say nothing about don't leave your child alone with the person that molested them. 
April 19, 2008, 10:29 am CDT

I was wondering the same

Quote From: mrsparker

Why did she let this man arround her child after what he did to her.  My father molested my oldest sister and he only saw my daughter in my presents never alone.   Not even if I had to use the rest room.  I dont understand why people  say don't smoke don't drink  but say nothing about don't leave your child alone with the person that molested them. 
If she knew this monster did this to her why would she leave her kid with him?!! My kid sister was molested by our family member and to this day I refuse to let my daughter any where near that person.
April 19, 2008, 4:48 pm CDT

04/25 Confronting Grandpa

 I hope that others will learn from this and keep their children from those who have hurt them in the past.  Pedophiles do not change.  Families do not like their dirty little secrets to come out in the open.  Pedophiles are mostly very charming to other people.  If they were creepy, people would not let their children around them.  We must alway be diligent with our children and do our best to listen to those inner feelings that say something is wrong with this....





April 19, 2008, 5:23 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show

A Con Doctor Fronting Grandpa Phil. Is this the one that was shown Yesterday? I think it was. See you on--

Friday April 25th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------------------------------

April 19, 2008, 9:10 pm CDT

Should Be In Jail

My question is, why is this man not in jail?  If he has already admitted to sexually deviant behavior with Sherie-Lynn, then why is he allowed to even be near any other children?

April 20, 2008, 3:09 am CDT

confronting grandpa

I saw the previews and it breaks my heart what this family is going through.How can a person be so evil that they would denoy the truth to their own daughter.I haven't seen the show yet,not to sure I'm looking forward to this one but regardless I won't miss it either.I am from the place where all the abuse came public,best thing that ever happened,but the courts only dealt with the churches and I taught their is another that is just as sacred as the church,the home!I have more respect for someone who accepts responsibilty and faces up to the truth,at least then people can heal.I decided not to read the message boards yet or write anything about it because I want to see the show first.But when I do I will add a post,thanks mary
April 20, 2008, 7:00 am CDT


Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman who is now deceased. Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of "all the college fraternities in America." Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations.


Marilyn's earliest memories of her father are of him entering her bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times.  All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn tells about her split between the "night child" victim in contrast to the "day child" over-achiever.  Anyone reading her story might experience envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly.



Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur

How to Journal for Therapy:

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood



Marilyn's mother would often state that she had the "perfect marriage" and Marilyn was told that she was "blessed by being born into a perfect family." Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958.


Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, anxiety, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? To find the answers she had to search her mind and spirit.  The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. 


Hope it helps!



April 20, 2008, 7:07 am CDT


Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 


If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations (a torn or jagged wounds), ecchymoses (skin discoloration caused by the escape of blood into the tissues from ruptured blood vessels) or petechiae (pinpoint size flat round red dots under the skin surface caused from hemorrage - bleeding into the skin), is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum (the membrane that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth) for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 


Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.


Medical problems include anogential (anal) trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria (painful or difficult urination), frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis (repeated passing of feces into places other than the toilet), enuresis (repeated passing of urine into places other than the toilet), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma


Children may present with somatic (muscles and nerves) complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.


Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration

  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration

  • Genital contact with no intrusion

  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks

  • Indecent exposure

  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities

  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  


The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  


Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers. In fifty percent of reported child sexual abuse within families the perpetrator was an older sibling.


Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting

  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities

  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting

  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite

  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior

  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14

  • Runs away

  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex

  • Is secretive and isolated

  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 

Search State statues for issues related to child abuse and neglect, child welfare, and adoption:

Hope it helps!



April 20, 2008, 7:12 am CDT


How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 


Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg OR The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout OR Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse: Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence: Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg OR The Psychology of Lust Murder: Paraphilia, Sexual Killing, and Serial Homicide by Catherine Purcell and Bruce Arrigo

How to Journal for Therapy: 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood


Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.


Hope it helps! 



April 20, 2008, 12:45 pm CDT

crazy grampa lunatic>hurt mother>suffering son..

my son is going throught the same thing, only he was molested on school grounds, the school is now closed. This was preschool age and changed my sons future. He,  now age 12, is overcoming treatment and counseling and has finally got the hope and tools to live a healthy life and to live life a healthy man. If it wasn't for me and the state of SD to come together and figure out a solution with solid communication and legalities, he would not have the future he has to look forward too. Understand that a situation like this is not black and white, its what happens behind closed doors and public places and the fact that people who use their power not God related  will ruin the younger generation, and all of you have said it already keep you children close and teach and give them the tools to live in todays society. It takes a village of the right people to raise our healthy children, now lets go out and give theses kids a voice, and let the parents know that.. we are all the kids have.. to learn from lets do it right from the start. If  you have any questions about this current subject I would be happy to help in any way I can.
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