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Topic : 04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

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Created on : Friday, April 04, 2008, 02:12:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever had the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right with your relationship? Dr. Phil’s guests say they saw several red flags before they walked down the aisle, but they looked the other way and still said, “I do.” Randall and Shawn were happily married until Shawn discovered men’s magazines in her husband’s bag. Now Randall is out of the closet as a gay man, and he’s struggling to keep his family together. Shawn wants to know if they should stay married for their two pre-teen children or get a divorce. How are their kids handling the news that their father is gay? And, Natalie says she’s leaving if her husband, Robert, doesn’t change his lazy ways. She says he hasn’t worked in a year and watches TV all day while she works, cooks, cleans and pays bills. Robert says he’s pursuing his dream of writing a novel, but Natalie says the book is an excuse to sit on his butt all day. Is Robert a talented undiscovered writer or a freeloading husband? Share your thoughts here.

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April 10, 2008, 11:32 am CDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: joyfulagrl

I'm not saying that gay men are bad people.  I do believe that homosexuality is wrong and I'm not just basing it on one verse in the Bible.  I believe the Bible in it's entirety and throughout the Bible is says that homosexuality is wrong.  His lying and deceitfulness was wrong and I said that.  Whether they are accepted or not they shouldn't lie about their homosexuality and bring innocent people into their deception.

You don't see the connection? That the lack of acceptance, along with quoting Bible versus condemning him to death, is the REASON why your ex-husband felt compelled to lie to himself, you, and everyone? I have sympathy for your situation, but you can't have it both ways. You need to either accept that some people are just gay, or you need to accept that people will HIDE being gay for the sake of social and religious acceptance.
April 10, 2008, 11:35 am CDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: interesting

"I know something about publishing because in my family, we published nine New York Times best-sellers."

This is a direct quote made by Dr. Phil on today's show. Now, I'm sure it's important to him that he drives his points home with his guests, but this isn't the first time my respect for the man has been thrown due to his arrogance. I realize having your own show would create the perfect platform to promote your work, but it's starting to get old. Everytime I turn the show on these days, there's Dr. Phil, using himself in yet another example of how we should all live our lives. It would be pretty cool if once in awhile, he could take a more humble approach and talk about families out there in the real world. Maybe even bring some on the show who are model citizens who do great things in their communities and who your guests could possibly relate with. Hearing about how great you are all day really gets old. And come on - you're a smat guy and we'd all hope that you have realized by now that your lifestyle doesn't come close to matching the average joe's. Maybe it did long ago, but if we have to hear about your first beat-up car one more time, you might start losing viewers. You're not special because you had an old car, many of us still drive those old cars!  

Dr. Phil, I come from a classy family and attended good schools. Here's one of the coolest lessons I ever learned, from a soft-spoken, wise old professor during my undergraduate degree:

"Watch out for those people who need to feel important. You'll know them right away by the way they only use themselves in examples about anything having to do with anything. They'll never hear you or anyone else because they're to busy thinking about the next thing THEY want to say." 

That quote really bothered me too.  The reason Dr Phil and his family have so many best-sellers published is because publishers know anything the McGraw family writes will sell, and sell big.  It is not at all like sending out query after query and getting rejection after rejection.  Normal people are really lucky to get published, even if whatever they write is really good.  He should have used JK Rowling as an example because she started out anonymous.


Anyway, I think the writer is deluding himself to believe publishing will be easy.  It will be a long, hard road and likely one full of rejection.  It is not something he should be giving up his day job for.  Self-publishing is hardly the way to go either, considering he will have to spend a fortune promoting himself before people buy the book.

April 10, 2008, 12:20 pm CDT

No, I didn't know.

Quote From: cndrlla

In the case of Shawne and Randall: Shawne is NOT a victim...she says this. She knew Randall was gay before they married so she can't whine now. A person is what they are and I believe that you are born that way. My objection is in bringing children into this sham of a marriage so that they wind up paying the price for your poor choice in marrying a gay person, knowing that person can't change.


Regarding homosexuality itself and the verses in the Bible: here's my question: God does NOT make mistakes! Therefore, if you are born gay, and God doesn't make mistakes, how can you be damned for being what you were born to be?? To me, that's like damning someone for being born with a birth defect. (and, no, I'm NOT equating being gay with a birth is just an example.)


I also have a serious problem with gay people lying so they can marry straight people to hide behind, and then having kids whose lives will be torn up on down the road when the person finally comes out! It is one of the most selfish things they can do!


I keep saying this: know someone BEFORE you take that long walk down the aisle! There's a good article on called "Before You Say I Do" in the Feb posts.


Natalie and Robert: Wow! How can a man expect his wife to have any respect for him when he acts like a rebellious, lazy teenager who wants to play all day? He needs a J.O.B.! It's amazing how people want to demand respect, but haven't a clue about how to earn it.

I wonder what he will do when his inheritance is all gone.


Who knows...he may succeed in getting his book published...I'm all for following your passion...but, meanwhile, he needs to stay rooted in reality and bring some income into the home! You CAN do both!


I also am a writer and have had things published. I'm an artist and a photographer who has sold many of my pieces. I've driven race cars and have done lots of fun things.....all the while raising three kids alone, and often working THREE jobs at the same time. Tired? Oh yeah...but these things invigorated me and I always found time for them. It's a matter of prioritizing.

     I had my suspicions now and then and every time we discussed it, he denied it. He was taken care of every day after school by his Grandmother who taught him how to do all the domestic things he does. That was why I didn't question those wonderful traits he has. Had I really known that he was gay, I would have made a different choice. Would I trade our most precious daughters that came from the love of each other, ABSOLUTELY NOT! I did not enter our marriage with the full truth and was very naive at that time. Considering that I was his second wife and he had two children from his first marriage I thought "there's no way he could be gay."

Unfortunately, he came from a very conservative and religious family so he buried that part of himself for many, many years. We are working towards equality now and fighting the bigotry that comes with the stigma of homosexuality. The purpose of our doing the show in the first place was two-fold. One, to get Dr. Phil's advice as to what was best for our children. Two, to let people who are questioning their sexuality know that they don't have to marry the opposite sex to be considered "normal" only to end up where we did. If we can stop the prejudice, life will be much better for so many people. People are who they are and God made them that way intentionally. He doesn't make mistakes in his creations.
April 10, 2008, 12:21 pm CDT

Mixed Orientation Marriages

When I heard the promo for today's show, I couldn't help but feel some very old feelings resurface.  Almost 10 years ago I found out my husband was gay.  It's a story that happens more than people think and no, I had no clue prior to or during most of our marriage.  With two small children, I had to face something I never imagined.  I just have one thing to say to this woman, please, get out and get out now.  I too still loved my husband with my whole heart but please, please don't make the mistake and think he loves you.  If he truly, truly ever loved you, he would have never been so selfish to hide this incredible secret and then pose its outcomes on not only you, but two innocent children.  THIS IS A SELFISH MAN.  Bottom line, he has been able to reap the rewards of a loving family and then be able to destroy them because he was to much of a coward to acknowledge how this would affect someone for the rest of their lives.  She is a beautiful woman and don't be fooled by thinking you are not a victim, you are a victim and now its time for you to take control.  Good luck.
April 10, 2008, 12:21 pm CDT


I am born and raised and live in Manhattan, about a half block from where the Stonewall Riot happed that started Gay Pride day.  Now, I saw this woman on TV just now, and I wanted to reach into the screen and shake her.  What part of BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND DENIAL doesn't she get?  First of all, that guy would not have to be an interior decorator, and he wouldn't have to able to sew, and he wouldn't have to be talented enough to design my WEDDING GOWN for me to SEE THAT HE IS GAY.  The second he opened his mouth, I could tell he wasGay!  Top that with the interior decorator/sewing/wedding gown deseign.. AND THEN MALE PORNO MAGS IN THE CAR???!!!  I AM SOOOO SORRY...I grew up in the 70's, with threesomes and all kinds of drugs and wild stuff...very libral things...HOWEVER, I draw the limit at sleeping with a man who likes to get it in the you-know-what.  I AM SO SORRY....HOW THE HECK COULD THE QUEEN OF DENIAL SLEEP IN THE SAME BED WITH THAT MAN, OR EVEN LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYE AGAIN, AFTER SHE SAW THAT HE HAD GAY MALE PORNO MAGS IN HIS CAR???  Because if they were in the care, obviously he was either doing it, or thinking of doing it, and I would NEVER sleep with a man who wanted to have  any kind of sex with another man.  SORRY.  My best friend is a gorgeous Gay man, who looks like a model.  HOWEVER, I wouldn't want any husband or lover of mine shacking up with a guy.  That would be gross.  HOW COULD THAT WOMAN BE SO BLIND???!!!  I am so glad, Dr Phil just brought up the subject with her, of denial.  HOW COULD SHE MEET THIS GUY AND NOT SEE HE'S GAY THE SECOND HE OPENED HIS MOUTH???  I COULD TELL!  HOW COULD SHE HAVE KIDS WITH A GAY MAN.  HOW COULD SHE BE SEXUALLY AROUSED BY SOMEONE WHO IS SUCH A FLAT-OUT NELLY (that is my best friends word, for what he calls a guy like that, and he is a Gay man, and he is NOT a Nelly AT ALL).  Why would such a pretty lady be so DESPERATE???

April 10, 2008, 12:22 pm CDT

Can't watch your show when you lie to people

Dr. Phil,


I have been watching you for years and the majority of the time I agree with you and when I have not agreed it has been minor. However, this story today is a deal breaker!


You are not being up front and honest with this couple and telling him the truth.  He has to admit that his choice to lie this lifestyle is going to destroy his children and wife, how selfish!  This man's decision to live the homosexual life is no different a choice than the alcoholic who destroys his family due to his decision to drink.  Both are decisions and both could be considered "hard wired" behaviors.


You have gone TOO FAR! and you call yourself a Christian!!!!

April 10, 2008, 12:37 pm CDT


I CANNOT BELIEVE what I am seeing.  I just looked at the board, and all I see is some bible thumpers condeming Gays! Some are saying they are married to men who "practice the Gay lifestyle" and they they start talking all the God stuff.  I can't take it.  Why do you people have to bury yourselves, and cover yourselves in the Bible stuff???  WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP THAT.  STOP CONDEMNING PEOPLE FOR BEING BORN THE WAY THEY WERE BORN (IE:GAY).  STOP THINKING THAT IF YOU PRAY HARD ENOUGH, MAYBE YOUR GAY HUSBAND WILL START LIKING.."TACOS" SHALL WE SAY??? You Bible thumpers sound like those people who are in CULTS or something!!!  Maybe that is why there are so many priests who molest little boys.  Everyone is wearing the shroud of DENIAL.

April 10, 2008, 12:43 pm CDT

this is my first time posting a message

 I agree with the person who says that homosexuality is a sin. If you call yourself a Christian and read your Bible then you should know this. I don't believe that God hates the gay person, He just hates the sin. I don't see how people call themselves Christians but don't believe the Bible. This man is obviously wrong on many levels. He's living in sin, he decieved his wife and now is tearing his family apart. This woman should exit as fast as she can.

April 10, 2008, 12:45 pm CDT

Would you...

Quote From: hap_e_ness

Hi I'm new to this site, but needed some advice. There are a lot of changes going on in my life and it's hard for me to keep things straight. My 3yo son was diagnosed with leukemia in Jan 08, he's doing pretty well. Lots of time away from home. I have a 26yo boyfriend (father of my son) and 2 daughters from my 1st marriage (ages 12 & 9).  I recently resigned from my job to care for my son. That was a very hard change for me since i loved my job and have always been the sole bread winner in our home. So i am sharing the reigns with my bf. Anyway, my main concern is trust. My bf hasn't had the best history holding down a job, however he's been doing very well over the last year. I recently found out that he had been calling a girl that he use to "talk" to online and over the phone. I am a jealous gf so we had agreed prior that we wouldn't talk to associate ourselves with the opposite sex unless they were mutual friends. When i confronted him regarding the phone calls and texts he said i wasn't his mother and that he can pick his own friends. Not quite the response i was looking to get. I am really trying to make this relationship work, but i can't trust him right now. I even asked him for his email passwords, explaining why i wanted them. It took me 2 weeks to get enough "balls" to ask him because i was so afraid he would blow up on me. Which he did! He said he was leaving me and done ? I don't know what to do! Is it me doing something wrong or are there under lying issues here?



Would you marry this man tonight? The last thing you need is the added stress of someone cheating on you. Do you know what love is? It's not yelling, it's not lying, it's not dishonesty, it's not quarrelsome.

Go find a family member, friend or church that can help support you physically and mentally durning this time. You need to be focusing on the health of your son right now. Your boyfriend is either with you on that or against you. If he's against you... he's gotta go.
April 10, 2008, 12:55 pm CDT


I watched Dr. Phil there for a while and thought he was "okay" but just missing something. He was falling short for me sooo I turned the tv off and quit watching.

I turned it back on today just to check out what he was discussing while I finished up some stuff around the house. Not 10 minutes into the program and I'm talking like a pirate (argh!) and turning the tv off.

(this is a loose quote) Dr. Phil on the husband being gay:

'it's not your fault. It's not a lifestyle. This isn't a choice. It's been hard wired into your system.'

That is a pile of horse manure and offers NO HOPE to anyone "struggling" with being gay.

This is only for those who believe in God:

YES the gay lifestyle and being gay is a sin (an act or thought that goes against the will of God) but there is a way out of it. When you are that deep in a life DOMINATING sin (any life dominating sin) it's hard, nearly impossible to see the path out. But there is a way out! ARGH! Jesus IS the answer! If anyone wishes I can go into further detail if I get any responses to this post.

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